I'm not having the best of days.
Today should have been easy. In theory all I had to do was take Edward round to his friends house and then bring them back to spend the afternoon here in a Game Boy Advance induced stupor.
In theory of course because the best laid plans of Scoop Benet oft go awry.
Up until now my week had been going well, not least because I have had two job offers and yesterday managed to run for an entire hour (the target I have been aiming at for 10 weeks). So I happily set off on a ten minute walk with the kid to pick up Paul.
All went well until We got home where I reached for my keys only to discover that keys had in fact become key.
When I run I take my keys off of the key ring they are on and put them in separate pockets. I have to do this or the jangling noise preceding me disappoints to many kids (sounds like Father Christmas, has Father Christmas' body shape, is actually a tubby jogger with no presents). This I had done yesterday but in my elation at having run for an hour I had forgotten to reunite the sundered keys and now couldn't undo the second lock.
So now I was standing on the doorstep not just with my usual charge Edward but with his friend Paul whose mother had stupidly just entrusted her child to a complete incompetent.
I had also left my mobile indoors so the only way to save any face was to go to a phone box and somehow ring a key holder. I didn't have my Aunt's work number on me though (my mobile had also been left inside) so I had to ring my Grandparents.
This was the worst possible news. This meant that within ten minutes my entire family would know of my stupidity. My family is very close knit and my Grandparents are its hub; the familial equivalent of Reuters News agency. Tell them, tell all.
Anyway my Grandad rang Melinda and she got to come back from work early to let us in.
I tried to bribe my way back into the kids good books with sweets, but even that has not stopped them dubbing me 'Dork of the Day' and they are even now plotting a terrible revenge (the last plan I heard was to hold me down and hit me with sticks).
Sometimes my dumbness amazes even myself.