h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

hey i would like to share with you a bit of my poetry

its no very good but hey
i have only just plucked up the courage to write this so please dont be to crule in your review

cheers

sleep my girl on what you want to be
keep hold of that dream or it might break free
now think of nice things like honey and me
now sleep my girl on what you want to be

thanks

stu............

Hi stu,

I really liked this little poem. It's very hard to write about tenderness - yet this verse is so tender and sweet - and done really well.

I love the opening and closing with the same wonderful line (it opens the poem up and lets the reader in and then gives it closure at the end, rounding off a good experience), with its emphasis on the girl and not on you. This is very powerful right from the start. Many love poems have a focus on the lover - 'I love you' puts the writer in the foreground, and this often ruins things before you start.

The idea of sleeping 'on' her dream of what she wants to be has a sort of double meaning which gives it an extra lightness - the secondary meaning of sleeping 'on' dreams gives it a floating weightlessness and tenderness, as well as the idea of the dream breaking free - possibly floating away - in the second line.
The primary meaning of being about 'what you want to be' makes her come alive as a feeling, individual person, not just someone who only exists for the sake of the poem.

And thinking of nice things 'like honey and me' is again light and tender.

This poem's a real little jewel. I hope I've done it justice. Thanks very much for letting me see it - I found it truly touching and very enjoyable..


Hullabaloo

cheers would u like to hear some more i write then i secret
cos i dont really want poeple to know .......

not that i emperssed but oh you know wot i mean ,,,,,

anyway heres another one for you

this one is a funny one its called
"oh to a cd player"

you bring me so much pleasure
yet i dont know your name
everything i ask of you ,
you obey
i can turn u on in an instant
and u give me so much enjoyment

i sit back and appreciate your glow
the words u say seem to repeat themselves
yet they never bore me
i feel u so close
yet you dont have a heart

you fit right in my precious world
and i know i couldnt survive without you
you never move
yet i love your groove
to the sound we sing together
forever




wotcha think ?????????????????

Sorry stu, I don't realy have time to comment in detail on more than one poem per poet. But I can comment in less detail of course.

This second poem was fun and good to read, and was very well written, but I thought the first one was better - it was so outstanding. You're doing good work, secret or not.Keep going and you'll get better and better and better. Even then, though, you'll find it hard to beat the first one!


Hullabalaoo, Poet and Tragedian