Scott Bennett's Diary: Entry 4 'Kittens, Exams and The Philosophers of the West Coast Mainline'

0 Conversations

So I was in Lancaster to do my exams and was going to stay with Dave and Amy.

Dave and Amy are engaged and live in a small house, somewhat reminiscent in size of a shoe box (but a very nice shoe box, home to quality shoes with a flair for interior design). I was a little worried that I may be imposing a little, as by simply existing in their home I was probably putting quite a stain on the amount of oxygen it contained. However I had no need to worry as they already had a pair of more destructive house guests.

Staying With Cats

Cats and I have an agreement, I keep out of their way, they run at me and attack me with claws, teeth, sticks and machine guns. Cats do not like me. This is a shame for them because it is only due to their hatred for myself that I have come to have my own rampant dislike for the feline form.

I am a dog man. Dogs are always there, give full affection and clearly feel guilty when they misbehave. Cats do not do this. Cats are too clever. Cats are never there when you want them. All they do is eat, shag, fight and sleep.

But now I was to spend three days in a house with Neo and Badger. Neo and Badger are Dave and Amy's recently aquired pair of kittens. Here though, is the stunning thing. Neo and Badger are cool. As cats go they definitely rock. Never before have two little furballs showed me such evident fondness.

Neo is the pretty one. He knows it too and is even now practicing gracefull leaps and elegant poses.

Badger is the bruiser. He bounds around with terrific energy (though that said they are both quite boisterous) destroying, maiming and paractising drop kicks.

When they leave the house it is clear that Neo will become a cat model. Badger will be his bodyguard or a part of the WFWF (the World Feline Wrestling Federation). Despite their differences though both cats decided I was great.

I think this was largely due to the fact that I am quite a comfy person. No doubt at some point in the future they will learn from other cats that they are meant to hate me but until then I will be their surrogate uncle.

Exams

I did actually get around to doing my exams while I was there. They went OK. Thanks for your concern.

Hughie

The time came to leave Lancaster again though. When I arrived three years ago I hated the place and suffered severe homesickness but now it feels like home and I hated being torn away from it.

However when I arrived at the station to go I was happy to be able to travel with Amy who was going home to visit the folks.

Amy had already booked a seat but I hadn't so we decided to see if there was one near her seat. We noticed a couple of seats at a table and I asked the guy sitting on the other side if they were free.

Then I looked at him and was dismayed to find out that the seats were free and that he was very insistent that we sat down.

To say Hughie Brown(for that was his name) did not strike one as the most attractive choice for a traveling companion is an understatement. He was a large man with a ahaven head who was sitting with his shirt off and his own personal glass in front of him full of cider (as evidenced by the empty cans by his side). Across his round belly were several red scars about a foot long each. Add to this he was speaking in the thickest Glaswegian accent and you will see that I had made a very bad choice.

We were now compelled to sit with this man at least as far as Wigan 40 minutes away where I was to get off.

Hughie likes to talk. He talked constantly for the next 40 minutes. It was an amazing speech, not just for its constantcy but also for its content.

You see to the casual listener Hughie sounded like a slightly p****d up, highly strange, frightening Glaswegian. But to those forced into enduring the entirity of his tirade it slowly became clear that Hughie is one of the first great philosphers of the 21st century.

Hughie cannot read or write but he has never let that stop him from formulating his own unique world view.

In his search for enlightenment Hughie has discovered many things that are 'True Sayings'. He flags these clearly in his erudite conversation by following them with the words, "Thaht's ah true shayin thaht ish, iss ah true shayin, yah know thaht, iss ah true shayin, it ish Ah Truuue Shayin."

Among the tennets of the belief system Hughie has built up are the following pearls of wisdom. Firstly Hughie was very aware of the essential nature of our mortality and the way it defines us as beings.

Hughie suffers from cancer and had already had large chunks of his organs removed, inluding his liver. The result of this, as he swigged back the cider, was the statement "Weah all gonnah dee samtime you shee. I cou dee gettan on this train, or in front of a bush [BUS], or in a fire in me beed, and I don't care becoz iss gonna happen isn't at. Iss a true shayin that, a true shayin....."

This rather poignant truth had lead him to his overriding conclusion as to the meaning of life. "Life is all about gettan the female. Thas all it is. The female is beautiful and ya gotta have it. Ah had the female but then ah moved orn [to some higher plane of enlightenment I presume]. But ah have had the female and people assed me why I do what ah do an ay say ah had a female but ah don't have her no more, but Hughie has done it with the female as they shay and my son ish a chef in Norway. Ish a true shayin thaht..."

Hughie had also developed a spiritual centre for his philosophy where the enlightened carried proof of their higher state which granted many rewards.

"Thish as mah pass to go on the public transport in Stockport. Stockport's better than Blackpool coz I get this ahn can go tah Liverpool on at, yah can't go to Liverpool in BLackpool. Ahn ah get thas pass, Ish a tru Shayin thaht is...."

He then forced us both to examine in detail his pass of enlightenment.

I started to comment on the lesser qualities of Blackpool in comparison to the enlightened Stockport but Hugie stopped me after (literally) two words by saying "Ah've got tah go wah mah glass out in the bog" and leaving. This was my punishment for interupting the master in his flow.

When he returned we were at Wigan where I was going one way, Hughie another and Amy was carrying on.

As Hughie walked off down the platform and I was free from his talk for long enough to finnaly come to a conclusion about him.

Hughie might be a drunk with no liver, no real prospects and without the ability to experience so many things through his illiteracy but essentially his ideas were right.

Living for the day is at the centre of experiencing life to its fullest. You have to embrace the adversity you face with a smile and hold true to yourself.

Ok Hughie might talk a lot of b*****ks but I am glad that he's doing what he does and living by his rules if I were in his situation I know I would not be anywhere near so hopefull.

I shouldered my bag and headed home.

To get back to 'Scott Bennett's Diary: Index' click here


Bookmark on your Personal Space


Conversations About This Entry

There are no Conversations for this Entry

Entry

A629651

Infinite Improbability Drive

Infinite Improbability Drive

Read a random Edited Entry


Written and Edited by

References

h2g2 Entries

Disclaimer

h2g2 is created by h2g2's users, who are members of the public. The views expressed are theirs and unless specifically stated are not those of the Not Panicking Ltd. Unlike Edited Entries, Entries have not been checked by an Editor. If you consider any Entry to be in breach of the site's House Rules, please register a complaint. For any other comments, please visit the Feedback page.

Write an Entry

"The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy is a wholly remarkable book. It has been compiled and recompiled many times and under many different editorships. It contains contributions from countless numbers of travellers and researchers."

Write an entry
Read more