h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

At last! A chance to dig a hole to Australia, it's every kid's dream.

i thought australia *was* a hole

sorry! just kidding!

Captain! Are you casting aspersions on the antipodes??? I am looking out our window here and am seeing palm trees, exotic flowers, birds singing melodic tunes, lemons ripening on our tree, and warm sunshine in a blue blue sky. Definately NOT a hole!

When the ship re-surfaces in Austrailia will the hot tub swirl in a counter clockwise or clockwise direction? I assume that clocks run the same direction there and here up north.

We will do an EXPERIMENT when we get there.

Oooo yes the scientific method at work. Will we get to wear lab coats and carry clipboards?

Are you still here Harry, I thought you had left for the bar.

I'm afraid I'm dithering. I can't decide if the safest place to be during a rotating plunge through the core of the earth on a pirate ship is under a bar table or cushioned in a vat of warm, aireated water.

I am a little scared, and I'm hoping you won't all leave me alone up here. For one thing, I don't know how strong this transparent bubble thing is that covers up and supposedly protects the Pelican Nest... and another thing is that I heard that the Center of the Earth was molten lava, and also... how long is the trip going to take? Will we run out of supplies? That's what has really got me worried!!!

Yes, Harry... let's wear long white labcoats and have calculators and lots of pens too. The pens are the important thing.


*Turns up the heater on the hot tub just a touch and adds a bit of scented bubble bath to the churning water.*

ahhhhhhhhh! That's better!

Never fear! A gentleman would never abandon a lady in a time of danger. We'll put our trust in the impermeablility of the bubble and enjoy Kes' wild ride from the safety of the cushioning effect of the hot tub. And I've checked the stock room of the bar, which is well equiped for such impromptu side trips. If we get hungry then Alec's dumbwaiter is sure to produce something from where ever it is connected to.
Pens you say! Hmmm I don't have that much faith in my observations myself, I'm more of a pencil man. You know what they say: To err is human but when you wear out the pencil before the eraser you have a problem."
settles into the aromatic but slightly frothy tub
We might as well enjoy the view... and a glass of if you like?
Look on the bright side. Perhaps Flint is trapped outside the bubble.

*Raises her glass of *

I live in hope of that happy event! Thank you, Harry, for bravely offering to stay with me throughout our upcoming harrowing experience. I have a lot of pencils and erasers too, so never fear. Only now I have forgotten why we needed them. Ah well, never mind... do help yourself to the plastic float toys.

I know alec does a lot of things on this ship, but putting in the dumb waiter wasn't one of them. I did that. It connects to the lighthouse bar and to the galley. So Never fear food and drins will be available during the plunge. However Theoretically, as we near the center of the earth the gravitation may be slightly different, so
an object with a mass of one kilogram may only weigh a fraction of that.

Arranges float toys in clever patterns that reveal the direction of bubble swirl so they can be tracked and recorded during the voyage to determing the effect of latitude on rotation.
Oops, sorry Shagbark I did indeed credit the wrong crew member with the dumbwaiter. I'll transfer the thanks to you.
Speaking of the dumbwaiter.
opens the door to the dumbwaiter and distributes pith helmets to all and sundry.
I see the pith helmets have chin straps in case of reduced gravity.

gets helmet and from dumbwaiter. A toast to the quickest way to Australia

"an object with a mass of one kilogram may only weigh a fraction of that"

i guess we are a few here looking forward to that, shagbark

...just so long as alcoholic liquids don't decrease in volume!

:: glances at the bottle in his hand ::

this label reads "42 vol."

that absolutely fine with me

So, Mari-Rae, I believe we have started our descent. Is everything where you want it

*Adjusts her pith helmet and grasps her tightly. Squeezing her eyes shut until the ship starts its descent beneath the waves....*

I always hate this part.

yeah, i know

in the words of Duglas Noel Adams: It is unpleasantly like being drunk...