A Conversation for The Bottomless pit of unfunniness

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Post 1

Researcher 178815

Post your bad jokes here!
Whether it's a dull conventional "How Many ? Does it take to screw in a light bulb" or a "Why did the Chicken Cross the road", We'll be happy to hear it!
You will have an extended 15 minutes of fame, which will last a week, with the Weekly bad Joke Linked to your Personal Space, or if you prefer, Your Personal Homepage on an external server.


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Post 2

Ugi - Keeper of typos & spelling errers - MAT (see A575912)

A Dessert story might fit the bill here....

There were two French Legionnaires wandering in the desert, separated from their unit and lost. The've been wandering for several days without food and water, and are nearly resigned to the fact that they will soon die from dehydration, when as they reach the top of a sand dune, they see a big, bustling market laid out before them.

Naturally, they can't believe their eyes and think it's a mirage, but as they draw closer, they can hear the stallholders' cries, and they eventually reach the market and realise that it's really there.

So the legionnaires rush up to the first stall they can and cry to the stallholder,
"Stallholder, we 'ave been travelling in ze desert for many days, and we 'ave 'ad no food or water. We shall surely die soon unless you 'ave some you can sell us. Tell us, do you 'ave any sustenance for us French Legionnaire-type people?"

The stallholder shook his head and replied "I'm sorry, French Legionnaire-type people, but all I have to sell is a load of bowls full of jelly, topped with custard and cream, and lovingly sprinkled with hundreds and thousands & pieces of fruit and cake."

The legionnaires look at each other, mildly surprised, and move on to the next stall, where they ask the stallholder,
"Monsieur Purveyor of Fine Foodstuffs and suchlike, we 'ave been travelling through ze desert for days, deprived of the necessary beverages and foodstuffs which are required for survival. We shall surely die soon, unless you can sell us some skins of water."

The stallholder looked at them embarressed, and confessed:
"Gentlemen, tragic as I admit it is, I have none of the ingredients necessary to life for which you ask me. All I have to sell is this large bowl of jelly topped with custard and cream and sprinkled with hundreds and thousands & pieces of fruit and cake, with a little cocktail cherry in the middle at the top, there," he said, pointing at the glacé cherry. "I cannot help you."

The legionnaires look at each other in desperation, and run on to the next stall, where they demand of the stallholder, "Look, mate," (they were really from Doncaster) "we need water or we'll die. We've been travelling without water for days and need some now. Do you have any you can sell us?"

The stallholder looked at his curl-ended shoes in shame as he confessed,
"Sorry Effendis, all I have to sell you is a bowl of jelly, with custard, cream and hundreds and thousands & pieces of fruit and cake. I can't help you. To my everlasting shame I have to condemn you to a long and lingering death through dehydration & the madness it will undoubtedly bring."

The legionnaires were really worried by this point, and they went through the market, stall by stall, asking each stallholder whether they had any water they could sell them, and thus save their lives, but each stallholder gave the same reply, all they had to sell was a bowl of jelly with cream, custard, hundreds and thousands & pieces of fruit and cake.
Dejected and resigned to their grim fate, the legionnaires left the desert market and stumbled off into the setting sun.

As they did so, one turned to the other and said, "That was really odd, a big market in the middle of nowhere, and all they sold was bowls of jelly with custard, cream, hundreds and thousands & pieces of fruit and cake."

The other turned to face his companion and replied

"Yes, it was a trifle bazaar."

Ugi


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Post 3

Bluebottle

Would you be interested in linking up with So Long, And Thanks For Laughing: The H2G2 Joke Directory?
http://www.bbc.co.uk/h2g2/guide/A227440
We could link to each other, and consider a way to help each other's projects.
What do you think? smiley - winkeye

<BB<


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Post 4

Researcher 178815

I'd be honored smiley - smiley


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Post 5

Bluebottle

Thanks for the link - I've added a link to here, too.
I see you've taken away the highlighted groaner of the week... Shame, I thought that was really dreadful. smiley - winkeye
So, how many groaners do you know?

<BB<


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Post 6

Researcher 178815

Too Many! LOL


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Post 7

Bluebottle

That can only be a good thing smiley - winkeye

<BB<


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Post 8

Ugi - Keeper of typos & spelling errers - MAT (see A575912)

How about:

I bet my butcher 200 pounds that he couldn't reach the meat on his top shelf, but he turned me down - he said the steaks were too high!

Ugi


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Post 9

Researcher 178815

God I wish there was a blank look smiley.. a tumbleweed sound effect wouldn't be so bad either smiley - winkeye


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Post 10

Bluebottle

Queen Elizabeth I visited London, where the Lord Mayor called "Hail to the Queen!" She immediately ordered his execution.
"Why?" the mayor asked, before he was beheaded.
"How dare you hail when I am reigning!" She replied.

<BB<


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Post 11

Researcher 178815

tut tut tut. smiley - biggrin


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Post 12

Lenny (Lynette)

Two parrots sitting on a perch. One says to the other "Can you smell fish?" smiley - smiley


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Post 13

Researcher 178815

Hi Lenny..or is that Lenny's Back as in the Back of Lenny? Anyway Hi and thanks for droppoing by smiley - winkeye can I just say, smiley - huh

Thanks. that's all I wanted to say. lol smiley - biggrin

smiley - cheesecakeakasmiley - cool


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Post 14

Lenny (Lynette)

Hello there

its both Lenny and Lenny's Back but Mainly Lenny's back because that's who I am (?)

Are you with me? smiley - sheep

Say smiley - doh all you want!

One more:
what do you call a fish without an eye:
Fsh.


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Post 15

Researcher 178815

Erm, i said "Can i just say smiley - huh" not smiley - doh!!

And as for the fish thing, a fish with one eye is called a fish with one eye..


What have football, a garden shed and ants got in common with budgies?




Not a lot.


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Post 16

Lenny (Lynette)

right, OK then, gross misunderstanding.

Fish without an 'eye' joke is kind of wordplay.

What's 40 feet long, brown and runs gown a garden?

A fence

Is that OK? smiley - smiley


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Post 17

Lenny (Lynette)

PS: hope that didn't come across as too smart or cocky. Didn't intend it to!
smiley - peacesign

L


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Post 18

Researcher 178815

where did we get the smiley - peacesign smiley? I have to announce to the team that my email address has changed for the aces and gurus mailing lists!! was it announced on the lists?


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Post 19

Lenny (Lynette)

I got this from the New Announcements page from the front. There's also a smiley - sheep smiley and a smiley - peacedove which are new this week!


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Post 20

Researcher 178815

i take it the smiley - peacedove and smiley - peacesign are in respect of world events right now? and I've known about the smiley - sheep for about a day or two! smiley - smiley


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