Theme Parks

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Theme Parks are places into which large numbers of people are packed for the purpose of emptying their wallets, purses, etc. This ritual is mostly voluntary, though there are some that may disagree. The purpose of the theme park is cleverly disguised as a form of entertainment. People enter these areas, part with large amounts of money, then proceed to slowly shuffle along for approximately six hours. This shuffling is occasionally disturbed by what is known as fun. This lasts for approximately two minutes and occurs at hourly intervals.

The best times to visit the theme park is on a day that starts very sunny and bright, then suddenly turns to heavy rain as you pass through the gates. Another good time to visit is during a heat wave, when an extra attraction can be enjoyed. This is known as “wasp avoidance” and is used to entertain the happy, shuffling clients. Theme parks appear to breed a particularly aggressive form of ice cream addicted wasp, that will make suicidal and vicious attacks on anyone that is holding any form of iced refreshment.

The refreshments at theme parks are of a very high quality, so anyone entering these areas must be prepared to pay accordingly. A visit to a theme park is known as a “fun day” out. Other “fun days” can include sitting in nine-mile traffic queues in the middle of summer with no air conditioning and sitting in a one metre square space on a litter strewn pebble beach playing “spot the sand” and throwing the plentifully supplied pebbles back into the sea. The nine-mile traffic jam can also be an additional fun attraction experienced after a visit to a theme park.

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