I Want One of Those

1 Conversation

The Stretcher blob, as designed by Malabarista

Oh, that's fantastic! Just look at that packaging – the way the domes pick out every detail of the fanlight opposite. Yet it's not too plasticky in the way it does it. There's a touch of class in that reflection. It's tinted – slightly blue – and there's a crystalline depth to it. Oh, and it's holographic. Look – when I pick it up and hold it like this, do you see a face – a guy with a beard, is that? Does he wink when I tilt it? What do you think? Must be a scientist, I guess. Did Newton have a beard? Oh, I just love this box, and it feels so... tactile, so comforting (no, leave off – you can have it in a minute). This feels opulent... and heavy. Good job it's padded underneath, I'll just put it down.

But that's not why we bought it, is it? We want to see what's inside. So, let's get it out of there! Just slide out this tab and – hey, it rotates! Now, that's clever. Oh, just feel the engineering in that – it's so smooth how that lid slides away. Shhh – do you hear that hiss? So slow, too. Oh, is that rosewood inside? Or walnut? Just look at that grain. Doesn't it shout 'quality' at you? And that silk lining – that's Tyrian purple, I think – I read about it the other day. Hey, the lid stops by itself – it must have counterweights inside. They think of everything, don't they?

I don't know why they had to wrap it in tissue paper... oh, hang on, that's not tissue paper, it feels kind of like, well, very thin goatskin? Does that make sense? I can't crease it, but it's as light as a feather, and... wow, look at the art on it! It must be hand-painted. Isn't it beautiful? Those motifs are just amazing, and those colours – like something out of the Alhambra. Here, you look after that while I take this out.

Oh, wow. The intensity is amazing. It gleams like nothing I've ever seen. And what shape would you say that is? Ellipsoid? The proportions are just beautiful – there must be some golden ratio involved in that, and it fits perfectly into my palm. Look, I can clasp my fingers around it so naturally. But it has to open, and I can't see how it does – there's no obvious join. Maybe if I twist it gently? Oh hang on – it's a left-handed thread. That's clever. Boy, that glides smoothly. I can see the gap now. Hey, it must turn about 20 times – just look how fine that thread is. I should have brought a magnifying glass.

So let's take a peep at what's inside.

Yes, that's perfect.

Absolutely nothing.

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