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A87965824 - 'Clerks' - the Film

Post 1

Bluebottle

Entry: 'Clerks' - the Film - A87965824
Author: Bluebottle - U43530

Keeping options open for now, but should the film series be divided into eight, this is the 'Clerks' entry.

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A87965824 - 'Clerks' - the Film

Post 2

Gnomon - time to move on

Clerks

88-minute long feature --> 88-minute feature

it was followed by sequels that featured some of the same characters, all of which features Smith's rude, but witty, wordplay

-- the phrase "all of which feature" refers to the characters, when it should refer to the sequels. Also, you should try and eliminate the repetition of "feature". Try:

it was followed by sequels that had some of the same characters, and all of which featured Smith's rude but witty wordplay.

video rental shop, Leonardo, New Jersey --> video rental shop, in Leonardo, New Jersey

he – accompanied by Randall - also attend the funeral
-- this should either be:

he – accompanied by Randall - also attends the funeral

or

he and Randall also attend the funeral

Administer of Fine -- administer is a verb, not a title. If this is the title in the credits, leave it, but it should be Administerer

Self-Service: The Making Of Clerks -- should be lowercase o on "of".

Although almost every customer, from ages four upward, in the store wants -->
Although almost every customer in the store, from age four upwards, wants

Yet when it came to production Smith decided that he needed to concentrate on being the director
-- Yet isn't the right word here. Yet it is used to introduce something that contradicts the previous statement in an unexpected way. Use "however":

When it came to production, however, Smith decided that he needed to concentrate on being the director

" One scene set at Julie Dwyer's wake was outside the initial budget; the tenth anniversary edition of the film recreated this scene in animation." -- do you mean that the scene was written but not included in the film? You could say "One scene in the script, set at Julie Dwyer's wake, proved too costly and was omitted".

The film's original ending involved Dante being shot and killed during a robbery, which was deleted to finish with a more upbeat note.

-- the phrase "which was deleted" refers to the robbery when it should refer to the original ending. It also suggests that the scene was not included in the film, but later you say the scene was still there. I think this is what you mean:

The film's original ending involved Dante being shot and killed during a robbery; this scene was later deleted to finish on a more upbeat note.

Jay was written based on Jason Mewes -->
The character of Jay was based on Jason Mewes

This whole sentence needs rewriting because of (a) incorrect use of however and (b) it's too long:

The character of Jay was based on Jason Mewes when he was 16. Mewes was very self-conscious; though he would dance spontaneously, he was unprepared to dance on demand.

having everyone except Kevin Smith leaving the area -->
having everyone except Kevin Smith leave the area

which allowed it to be selected to be included at the 1994 Sundance Film Festival -->
which allowed it to be included at the 1994 Sundance Film Festival

You have Randal with one l in two places but Randall everywhere else.

they never really interact --> they never really interact with each other

the Weinstein's --> the Weinsteins

smiley - smiley G


A87965824 - 'Clerks' - the Film

Post 3

Bluebottle

Thanks Gnomon – I've made all those changes, with the exception of 'Administer of Fine', which is the film credit title. smiley - shrug

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A87965824 - 'Clerks' - the Film

Post 4

Gnomon - time to move on

Two of the women in the film, the 'milk maid' and 'caged animal masturbator' were played by Kevin Smith's sister and mother respectively.

-- this seems to be wrong way round. "Respectively" means that the first role is played by the first person and the second role is played by the second person. So the milk maid was played by Smith's sister. But you say elsewhere that it was the mother who played the milk maid.


A87965824 - 'Clerks' - the Film

Post 5

Bluebottle

It's a fair cop smiley - handcuffs, you have me bang to rights, you do.smiley - bluelight
Corrected now.

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A87965824 - 'Clerks' - the Film

Post 6

SashaQ - happysad and 'slightly mad'

smiley - ok

One thing I noticed was that you say what Silent Bob says before you say who Silent Bob is.


A87965824 - 'Clerks' - the Film

Post 7

Bluebottle

That would rather undermine the point of establishing that he is Silent (more or less).smiley - shhh
Fair enough, I've moved that to the end.

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A87965824 - 'Clerks' - the Film

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