h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Okay - this is an essay all about Æthelred the Unræd, yet with a little modification it could make a good h2g2 article.
So, what should I change first?

http://www.h2g2.com/A463097

(forgive my presumptiveness in putting this link in, but it'll make life a little easier )

Okay, I've read it; fascinating stuff. Howecer, it does read a little too much like an essay, so perhaps breaking it up with subheaders, and leading from one section to the next with a question answered by the subsequent part might be an idea. At the moment, it's very 'introduction... body... conclusion', which is fine, but not particularly 'user-friendly', if you know what I mean.

Once you're addressing the meat of the subject, it's great stuff. The introductory paragraphs could do with a little tweaking, though. Here are a couple of quick points I noticed:

'either the Viking invaders were perhaps remarkably strong during this period, or that England was perhaps weaker' - unnecessary repetition of 'perhaps'.

'To understand what weaknesses existed in England during Æthelred's reign, the starting point understanding why Æthelred's forces were unable to prevent Æthelred's kingdom from being conquered is vital' - put the clause 'understanding... conquered' in parentheses.

'they suffered from being overly week' - unfortunate typo

'England was strong enough to repel such raids if it was organised by strong enough leadership.' - change 'if it was organised' to 'if it had been organised'.

'The Danegeld tribute was increasingly paid' - put 'being' in between 'increasingly' and 'paid'.

Sorry if this is a bit 'teacherish' (and I feel like some scolding English teacher as I write this ), and I hope it helps!

Hiya - thanks for the read through.
Firstly, I agree it reads like an essay, so I will modify that, break it up, and perhaps put a bit more explanation in who everyone is, more footnotes etc. And I've no qualms with your corrections - thanks for your input.

<BB<

Ic grete þe, min nama is HappyDude. Leof ic þe secge, wel ðu writst.

I thought I'd post in the lanuage of Æthelred's time.

Canute is just an anglicisation of Cnut, right? The guy was born Cnut, I mean...

Poor Aethel... makes me shed a tear for him... good entry!

myre - "Peer Review is like sex - the more you give, the more you get. Getting any?"

now that's a good PR signature! No need for contraceptives!

Yes, "Canute" can be considered to be an anglicised version of Cnut, but you could say the same about Ethelred/Æthelred.
But it is as Canute that he is more popularly known, for better or worse...

It wasn't a criticism - more a suggestion to expand that particular footnote...
myre - "Go forth and Peer Review Casting the first stone optional."

Okay - well, thanks for the suggestion, Lucinda.
I don't think I will expand the footnote, though, due to the period's confusion over spelling in any case - as most of the population was illiterate, and there was no "correct" way to spell words or names...
But it was a good point.

You should explain Æthelred's title "the Unready" in a main section in the text, rather than in a footnote. After all, this is the one thing that everybody knows about him, that he was unready,

Good point.
I don't know if "everyone" knows that about him, but the explanation of "Unready/Unræd" is now in the text.

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Anyone who has never heard of Æthelred the Unready has never heard of Æthelred.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/h2g2/guide/A463097

I really like this entry. It's not terribly often that genuine academia filters into the Guide, and even rarer that it reads nicely too.

Does it read nicely? I must admit I have my doubts about that.
It's not too complicated, or includes superflous sentances that get in the way?

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Complicated I can handle. IMHO, the likelihood is that anyone wanting to read about Æthelred will probably want a little detail.

YHO is probably quite right too.
It's nice to think H2G2 might be used to help students with historical essays and so on. I mean, when you need to write an essay there's never a book that just tells you what happened. They always touch on the subject and then shoot off on tangents about "the repurcussions of the next 100 years" or "how these same events have been disclaimed by a minority of biased historians" or something...

(trails off, not sure if that made any sense)

It makes sense, yes, and it's nice of you to think so. Hopefully it'll be edited & make it into the Approved Guide, once things like that start happening again.
It also shows how incomplete the Guide is, as it makes you realise how much history has happened in the world, and what a small minority of that is in H2G2.

I'm rambling, aren't I?

<BB<

Guess what? It *will* be part of the Edited Guide!

I'm sure you're aware of the procedure; if not, the entry will be carted off to the subs for editing and will eventually make its way to the front page, at which point you will be emailed to let you know its status.

Keep up the good work!

This thread is now officially closed!

Editorial Note: This thread has been moved out of the Peer Review forum because this entry has now been recommended for the Edited Guide.

If they have not been along already, the Scout who recommended your entry will post here soon, to let you know what happens next. Meanwhile you can find out what will happen to your entry here: http://www.bbc.co.uk/h2g2/guide/SubEditors-Process

Congratulations!