h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

No.
You don't understand.

It is the night before I fly out to Israel for another 2 weeks.

I listen to my messages on my answerphone.

It's the nice girl.

She can't see me tomorrow. She really doesn't want to talk about it.
She's going away somewhere. It's a long story.

Don't try and ring.

I suppose I better pack my suitcase now. My flight leaves in a few hours.

> < >

http://no.no.youdontunderstand.itsallreallybad.com

 

Oh, it's all really bad. I'm sorry. A nice trip to Israel will make things less bad, no doubt.

I think I'll set up camp in Shim's journal till he comes back feeling better.

We'll hold a vigil until Shim comes back. And I won't talk about how the trip probably won't help. Oops.

Shim, rationalize! One down, three billion to go. You should've gone to China instead--lots of women there, from what I understand.

Plenty more fi...

(sorry)

Wait, I've got it! There's over 16,000 researchers here, right? We all like you, right? Therefore, it stands to reason that anyone who doesn't like you is clearly mad and just needs to be *convinced*. Put her phone number on the home page and we'll all call her. If a city's population worth of people won't convince her, nothing will.

Yeah, but there's really absolutely positively no convincing some people. Trust me on this one.

Shim

Pull yourself together man. It is obviously a case of Nice Girl goes undercover as an agent, doesn't want chirpy English chap blowing her cover. The evidence is obvious;

>She can't see me tomorrow - Means that she has been called off on a mission with minimal notice
>She really doesn't want to talk about it. - She *can't* talk about it? obviously.
>She's going away somewhere - Mission destination.
>It's a long story. - Well this frankly is the most obvious indication of the second oldest profession at play here.
>Don't try and ring - They'll trace your call, which then leads them to her secret hideaway in the desert, where she dresses in stone coloured combat gear and hides in underground caves. They'll kidnap you as a ransom for her to give up her deadly quest. She has to choose between her task at hand and her English chappy, the dilemma is so intense that you faint, overcome with heat exhaustion, where she is able to fire her pistol at your kidnapper and run to you to embrace.

Either that or she can't be arsed seeing you.
Love, Mother