A Conversation for Photuris

Alternative Writing Workshop: A45100027 - Photuris

Post 1

Still_WRD

Entry: Photuris - A45100027
Author: Still_WRD - U1665007

This one's along the same lines as Werewolf, but I like that there's an actual animal that does this.

The fireflies you see blinking in the air of a summer night are males. Each species has a different code they blink. Females lie in the grass and blink and if the male flies over and sees his code being blinked up at him, he goes down to mate.
"Photuris is a genus of fireflies wherein are the femme fatale fireflies of North America. This common name refers to the fact that the females of these predatory beetles mimic the light signals of other firefly species' males, to attract, kill, and eat them."
P.S. Huzzah for wikipedia.


A45100027 - Photuris

Post 2

Dmitri Gheorgheni - Not Banned in China

smiley - rofl I think this one is funny.

Especially the ending.


A45100027 - Photuris

Post 3

minorvogonpoet

I thought there was a difference in tone between the two stanzas. The first stanza suggests a firefly (woman?) who can't find a love.

In the second, the trap is sprung and we're not quite sure which won the battle of the sexes. Unless I've misunderstood as usualsmiley - erm.

It still works as a poem! smiley - smiley


A45100027 - Photuris

Post 4

Tibley Bobley

Ghastlysmiley - rofl

I can only sympathise with the poor male beetle. What a horrible surprise, to find the gal giving him the glad eye or winking at him seductively, only wants him for one thing - and it ain't love.

smiley - applause


A45100027 - Photuris

Post 5

Still_WRD

I guess the idea between the two stanzas was that the first poses a question, and the second answers it. Why can't she find love? Because she eats people. smiley - laugh


A45100027 - Photuris

Post 6

LL Waz

Oh, I do like this. Fantastic subject and neatly, concisely done.

The first two lines might be better alluding to fire-fly practices rather than stating them, but you'd have to weigh thae poetic gain against the risk of readers not getting the story.

Perhaps, since this is online, a dmitri-style link within the poem to background info would work.


A45100027 - Photuris

Post 7

Cyzaki

I would be tempted to say 'They' rather than 'Fireflies' at the beginning, and link to the information about Photuris fireflies as LLWaz suggested. I think it'd have more impact that way.

smiley - panda


A45100027 - Photuris

Post 8

Still_WRD

Here we are, nothing about fireflies, except for the flutter of wings. The link is in the first "I." Changed some line breaks and phrasing here and there as well. And improvement?


A45100027 - Photuris

Post 9

Dmitri Gheorgheni - Not Banned in China

smiley - laugh I think so.


A45100027 - Photuris

Post 10

minorvogonpoet

I like this better now. smiley - smiley

Subtle and effective, and hinting at a wider meaning.


A45100027 - Photuris

Post 11

Bluebottle

It looks like everyone who read this enjoyed it - but all I can see are the words 'This Guide Entry has been hidden, because it contravenes our House Rules' smiley - wah

I propose Back to Entry as sadly the author has smiley - elvised.

<BB<


A45100027 - Photuris

Post 12

Dmitri Gheorgheni - Not Banned in China

I have no idea why this entry would be hidden. You can read it at A82438428 Or at least, I can. smiley - rofl

I never realised we were so controversial.


A45100027 - Photuris

Post 13

Bluebottle

I suspect that if I asked the Moderators 'why has this entry been hidden?' the answer I'd get would be 'don't ask'.smiley - shrug

Are you seconding Back to Entry?

<BB<


A45100027 - Photuris

Post 14

Dmitri Gheorgheni - Not Banned in China

Sure - it's a poem, it's been published. smiley - smiley The AWW is primarily a fiction and poetry venue.


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