h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Why? Was your cousin "bloody on the highway"? Or was that where his drink went as he drove away with it upon the roof of his car?
I consider the entire topic ...I forgot the amazing thing I was about to proclaim.
As for the 'rounds' - those are mine.But if you guys wanna' join me in a drink-a-thon until months end, belly up to the bar boys!
The *last* time I had this many bloody marys I ...forgot what I was going to say...Man, am I p.l.a.s.t.e.r.e.d.
K, okie-dokie...I jusss need to get my second wind.
I probably shoulda' had that celery WR stomped......
I got ...*whispers...* fireworks for the end of this month! SHHHHH!!! i want it to
be a 'sprise.

Actually Al spilled the bloody mary when he walked( well weaved) down the center of the highway trying to catch his girlfriend's dog. It was a little pomeranian named Trixie. Trixie never liked Al and bit him on more than one occassion.

Anyway Shelly Ann, the girlfriend, was too drunk to chase the dog so Al had to do it. He caught up to Trixie when she stopped to poo by the side of the road. He was walking (well weaving) back to the car with Trixie under one arm and the bloody mary in the other hand when he was caught in the headlights of an approaching 4 X 4. He jumped to the side, spilling part of the drink on Trixie and the rest of it on the road.

He got into his car and handed Trixie to Shelly Ann, who immediately started bawling because she thought Trixie was injured and covered in blood. So Al turned on the dome light so Shelly Ann could see that the pooch was actually wet from vodka and tomato juice. Al took Shelly Ann and Trixie home and then passed out in his car with the dome light still on. The next morning the battery was dead and he had to get a jump.

...*presses a button...the roof begins to retract...stands on soapbox...*

In honour (<--- Brit-spell) of Mars ...*hits the jukebox with her hip...The William Tell Ovauture begins...* Enjoy the fireworks folks!

*thinks to self...hope none of the bigger ones fall over or sumthin'*
dunt-dunt-dunt-dun-dut-dut-daaaaa
....................................

Uh-Oh! DUCK!JUMPFIRE!

...*bottles of 300 year old brandy are the first to explode...the pub goers turn on Pandora and the entire Village chase her with their torches...which were, I might add, conveniently lit from the flames from the August 2005 Pub...*

~~~~~See!? Always a silver lining~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

and all that just because ms. einstein here suddenly had to spell in brit-mode

*Checks the jukebox for Holst's "Planets"*

Pan spelling Brit-style? A Twolegs keeping my four legs warm? WR still going on about blaming innocent sticks of celery for crashing his M/C and tales of pet pooches being daubed in bloody Mary's? Planets in the juke box?

And all this in the space of a week (an' a bit!).

I'm in need of a severe dose cosmic relief!

Where's that darned Nun got to with my bottle of voddie?

::fills a dozen tranquilizer darts with vodka and fires at gwennie::

*Ducks as the darts fly past and make contact with Pan's derriere*

It was him!

*Stands aside and points accusingly at the *

If I were you Pierce, I would start thinking of some pretty good excuses and be prepared to flee the scene.

excuses? for handing out free vodka?

*decides to take advantage of Pandora's offer to buy before the month ends*

Thanks luv.

Hey WR, I'm thinking of buying myself a motorcycle. And some coolio leather riding gear. I will transform myself into Granny Biker Librarian.

The voddie may be free Pierce but the method of delivery that I find questionable!

*Gives up on finding a conventionally delivered shot of vodka and settles on pouring herself a fresh *

Would a Granny Biker Librarian have room for her books on a m/c Hypatia?

sure, if she gets a side car of proper proportions

::stops firing vodka-shot >>---> at pan and inspects the needles and the damage done::

Thass right I'm a hardasswanna' make sumthin' of it?
An' Eeinshtien waz diz-lesh-ix ya' knowan' even if ya' didn't
Shomeone oughtta' do shomthin' 'bout those skeeters! Or whatevers!
...*rubs her rear-what's-gonna' be sore in the mornin'...*Bet THAT'S gonna' leave a markor shomthin'.

Gwennie! You should suck the itchy stuff from the welts on my ass...*Gwennie
leans over and whispers in Pan's ear...*

What do you mean, "I'm going to die?!!"

..*hears new music playing..*hmm, theme song from Planet of the Apes?

If someone would teach me to start a new month I'd be happy to start whatever comes after this last one.
But noOo you all gotta' be sup, suoper, supier*...whispers into Kes' ear...he whispers back into Pan's ear ...*removes the pen from behind Gwennie's ear...quickly replaces the pen accidentially STABBING poor Gwennie up side her head...'carefully' removes the pen from behind Hyp's ear so Hyp won't think Pan's a hom-o-phobe.. since Hyp just *came out* with the news she's a Granny Biker *Librarian*...*I think thasss cause for celebration!
OHYEAHPA-A-A-ARTY!!

~~~~~~~~~

...*restarts jukebox...Willie Nelson blasts...*

...to all the girls I've loved before...

*slightly voice from corner*
...that travelled in and out my door
I'm glad they came along...
*reverts to silent reflection of love lost long ago*


Thank goodnesh!
You should shee what they look like today!

My God. Willie Nelson.

Someone start September, please.

*puts hands over ears*

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