What Plant Life Means to Me---a study in self-obsession.

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Last week when I came to work on friday, one of my office plants was perilously droopy. I have two jobs, one of which is only on friday. I am quitting that one next week.

I was crestfallen to discover my droopy plant because I have had these two office plants for about a year now, and they haven't died yet, which is reassuring to me that I can actually care for living things other than myself. If they did die, I would seriously doubt my ability to contribute meaningfully to society. I killed a cactus once. I appeared to brush it off as meaningless ("haha...it was only a cactus...") but the incident still haunts me. Even cactuses need water sometime.

I immediatly began rescue efforts (water) and hoped for the best. When I came in this morning, not only was my once-ailing plant springy and fresh again, it had grown larger during the week!

I breathed a sigh of relief and smiled. Not necessarily because green plant life makes me happy, but because of what the live plant says about me. It says "This girl can water plants!" and "This girl can think of other living things and not let them die from neglect like that poor cactus, God rest his spikey little soul." I know what you're thinking, and believe me, I didn't get this way by accident.

I wonder if anyone remembers the movie about an alcoholic in rehab that Sandra Bullock did a few years ago. It was called "28 Days," not to be confused with the odd horror flick "28 Days Later," which my brother liked but most people have endeavored to forget. In "28 Days," Sandra Bullock's character goes to a treatment center for, you guessed it, 28 days. She meets an assortment of odd characters in recovery from drugs and alcohol. One of the ideas is this: when you leave rehab, the first thing you do is just survive sober by yourself. Then, you get a plant and keep that alive for a year. After that, you can get a pet and keep it alive for a year or two. Once you have successfully maintained your own life, a plant's life, and a pet's life, you may tenuously consider getting into a romantic relationship with a human being. I always thought it a charming and useful idea. Maybe a little extreme and obsessive, but perhaps necessary for some people. Inadvertantly, I adopted this idea into my life, altough I am willing to screw it up if I have to. I killed the cactus. I ignored that and bought a cat, which I had to donate to my parents because I couldn't afford her (She's much happier, I assure you). Then I got my two office plants kind of as a fresh start, so to speak. I have managed to keep them alive. Yes! Now it's time to move on to a pet, but I can't, because I don't actually want a pet. Well, I'd love to have one, but only if I owned my own house with a yard. I learned the first time that having a pet and being an apartment dweller is expensive. I cannot go that route again. So I guess I have to postpone romance until I own my own house...no. I am just kidding, i swear. I will just have to skip the pet step. If one day you meet me and I am setting out a bowl of kibble for the man that's tied up in my backyard, you'll know that something's gone terribly wrong with my plan...

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