h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*knocks again as obviously no-one heard her the first time.....

Sim, senhor Vigário -- Yes, Mr. Vicar, sir, reverendo, sir... yes,as immediately as possible, no later, perhaps sooner.

Yes. I understand. Yes, but I will not wait too long.

I will have to find another Vigário if you do not come soon. Thank you kindly. Goodbye.


Kes, that was the Vigário, he will come as soon as he can. Yes. It will not take long now, you can begin to prepare. I shall begin to prepare myself for the wedding. The most beautiful dress, but you will only see it at the ceremony.

* She sighs, that is a lovely dress, really!

Kes, did you hear that? Seems like someone knocking at the door, please go see who it is...

*In a daze, Kes opens the door*

Ah - hello Miss. Do come in. I think my ... er ... I think I'm going to sit down. My ... she wants some help dressing, I think.
Gulp!

Kes, is that the French Maid? Is she still there?

Kes, it is so good to know that you are the right husband. Yes, I was getting used to the idea of being married to my now brother-in-law, ex-husband... But I think the certidão establishes that you -- all the time -- so lucky I met you here first... Yes that was very serendipitous of you... Really nice!

She's just putting fresh towels in the other Guesthouses, then I think she'll be back. What are you doing in there? Can I come in?

Is the maid there? Did she go away? Do you think the Vicar will be calling in a few minutes? Should I look for him? Should I phone again?

Oh, I am so happy!!! I am full of new ideas, of things to do!!!

Yes!!! This will be a nice, quiet wedding, no need to get anxious!

Do you feel well?

Nothing special. Please do.

(Do I feel well?)

I feel like a drink. I mean - I think it'll be alright.
*Gets himself a drink from the minibar... then another*

*Then, as invited, he opens to door to the bedroom ....*

Good morning, I just came to inform you that breakfast is served in the Dining Room!
Also, it is one of our staff members birthday, so I am throwing a Party! for her, in the Bar. Your attendance is requested, but not required, if you are, er, too busy...
Ahem! You need help dressing, Mrs. Kes? Why? Are you ill?

Oh, what a relief... I need some help, yes, thank you!

Is there anywhere I can get this watch fixed?

It seems broken, and I need to use it tonight.

Yews - that's right. Nothing out of the ordinary. Nothing at all. No special announcements, no, definitely not. All rather boring and predictable, really. No we ...

*Kes imagines the vicar - already perhaps on his way to the Guesthouse*

Breakfast - my dear - wouldn't that be a splendind idea. Let's go to breakfast? Hmm? What do you think? Eh?

Kes, I do not understand what you are saying. I said the watch seems broken, I want to have it repaired... and you start talking about things I do not understand.

Are you a bit nervous, Kes?

Alright. We'll take the watch with us. Now, let's walk over to the Manor, for some breakfast in the Dining Room.
Just one thing ... not two things ..

First - don't go telling everyone - they don't want to be bored with our little arrangements, I'm sure ,,, and ... don't believe any of the funny stories you may hear about the Dining Room - quite unfounded ..

Right ... shall we go?

* PE was listening - yes, she thought she might learn something about her new husband's interests.

* Somehow - and no exact science will ever be able to explain how this happened - PE has found her way back to the Guesthouse.

* Her most recent great plans have evaporated. She can't remember them now. She is too tired. Too many days' hangovers... too little brain.

* Sleep! Says brain cell number one.

* Sleep! Echos brain cell number two.

Yes! I should get some sleep first! What a good idea! First I'll just relax a bit to think things over.

* She sits on the bed, soon she is lying down... no that was not a snore!!! She was only thinking aloud! In her sleep, of course...

*A few minutes later, Kes returns. Looking into the bedroom, he covers PE with an eiderdown. He returns to the other room, and sits down, alternately eyeing the door and the 'phone .... waiting for the vicar.

*He muses .... was today real, or a dream?

*He wonders if the vicar will come from Porlock?