h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Does the belly button count as a hole? Do Outies constitute a negation of one of the orfices?

Come to that, is a proctologist an orfice worker?

I feel these questions are (w)holey relevant.

while the belly button was a hole, it has wholly closed up after it dries following birth

The Professor
Underguide

When you cut me, do I not bleed? Does the cut constitute a hole? All holes in the human body with the exception of the nasal passages/mouth, anus/urethrea have a bottom (the aforementioned being ends of each other and therefore *bottomless*

As a practitioner of *Body Shots* that have occasionally involved tequila in an *Innie* let me assure you that the volume of the belly button hole well excedes that of say, the ear canal with intact ear drum.

the cut is not a natural hole. If you really want to be picky, you could count pores, but the original talk of orifices was non-dermal holes with specific functions.

The Professor
Underguide

Belly buttons have a specific function! They are meant to be admired over hip-hugging jeans below cut-above tops and filled with over-proof alcohol to be lapped up by eager tongues. Pores are only meant to convey salt to the self-same tongues shortly before alcohol consumption and quite a bit before lime biting.

Belly buttons are not dermal!

Orifices is a funny word.

If I belch magnificently, do I not disgust ladies? If I excrete publicly, am I not arrested? If I eavesdrop on a private conversation and detected, am I not yelled at?

All questions for the ages. I'll leave the philosophers to it.