h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

We had a raucous half-hour in the pub last night, improving the TV schedules. First, we decided what some popular programs were really about:

GRAND DESIGNS – series of psychological case studies of delusional TV presenters. This week, Kevin McCloud imagines he’s an architect.

THE X-FACTOR – series in which a panel of self-professed music impresarios compete to find who can go furthest past their sell-by-date.

Then we had a go at what popular programs should be about, eg:

WAKING THE DEAD – series tracing past X-factor winners.

THROUGH THE KEYHOLE – unnecessary surgery is performed on another minor celebrity. Presented by Wormy, the nation’s favourite endoscopic cameraman.

Then we tried some tempting reality show hybrids:

CHANGING ROOMS meets HOMES UNDER THE HAMMER – Home makeover victims get their revenge by trashing the presenters’ houses.

GROUND FORCE meets GANGS – Tommy Walsh and Ross Kemp fortify another urban housing estate against attack from the neighbouring community.

Anyone got any more?

Doctor Who? The public show where you choose a GP and fight for them, its a Knockout style.

Occasionally we play a similar game in which the (sometimes truncated) names of shows in the on-screen TV schedule guide are run together:

Who wants to be/Deadliest Catch/Girls of the Pl/Market Kitchen

Or some similar arrangement.

Bargin Hunt
The teams track and shoot anteques through the forest