h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

and chocolate coated grahams.

(mild) green chili salsa & corn chips on the menu later today.

(Hot weather encourages light eating, probably because if the temperature is near body temperature, the body doesn't need to burn as many calories to maintain core temperature.)

Joins the party.

Kasard wanders in delighted to find there is a party going on and from his capacious pocket produces a large bottle of vodka, some crystal tumblers a bucket of ice and a dozen cans of cheap lager in case the skinheads come in.

...laying off the alcohol today against two party engagements tomorrow...

*Herenna samples the vodka, decides that it's not smooth enough, pours it through a charcoal filter a few times, sips again, and enjoys the improvement.*

stares at herrenna drinking all the vodka and decides to get bladdered on cheap lager

Had a fine Mexican buffet at the monthly senior dinner, then got moderately soused putting back beer with new next door neighbors, who've put in an acre of date palms and are remodeling the fixer-upper next door.

wonders why he wasn't invited to the Mexican buffet and staggers off in the direction of the door

"shrugs and starts to demolish a plateful of mushroom and carrot pakoras with dips*

changes mind about leaving, staggers back to Herrenna and offers her the phone number of the local slimming club

Swats kasard with vodka bottle and indicates his beer belly which is roughly the same volume as a 12 pack.

falls to the floor pretending to be unconscious hoping some lady will give him the kiss of life

realises that although it worked in the old folks home for the terminally confused, it possibly may not work here, so gets to his feet and joins the party

*Removes earplugs from pocket, puts on blindfold & earplugs, curls up under duvet with "do not disturb" appliqued onto it.*

Tiptoes over and steals Herrennas secret stash of vodka and quietly slips away

Wakes up and sics Gladys on the vodka thief.

is annoyed that his pet Gladys is a turncoat and bursts into before stamping on her with his size twelves

Gladys's children are enraged and launch a mass attack on Kasard for his callous act.

once again reaches into his capacious pocket, pulls out a flame thrower and screams at Gladus<spider. children.'COME ON IF YOU FINK YER ARD ENUFF'

Little does Kasard realise that in his absence, Gladys's descendants tweaked the chemicals of their silk until it was fireprooof.

They advance on Kasard and truss him up, leaving only two eyes blinking out angrily at the arachnid horde.