h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Takes up indoor archery, using arrows with ink-soaked foam tips.

puts up a paper target hoping that Herenna will shoot it instead of him. Sits down and continues to play "Space Invaders".

tries to break the silence by taking a piece of gum out of his pocket and chewing it loudly. Continues to play "Space Invaders" still chewing.

Picks up a mobile phone which appeared out of nowhere and is bleeping annoyingly.

Checks the messages, somebody has sent a picture of a large spider.

Takes out I-pod and plays "Renegade" by Styx on full volume (which is surprisingly quiet). Nods his head to the beat.

http://voices.nationalgeographic.com/2014/10/20/biggest-spiders-animals-science-tarantulas-south-america/

http://ilarge.listal.com/image/1111950/968full-tarantula-screenshot.jpg

pops a Cheeto into his mouth not seeming to care. Gets ear-buds to listen to his music in private.

starts moon walking around the room with Cheetos in his mouth.

wanders off into the distance with his faithful Gladys and her children sorrowing at the way things have changed

Mutant spiderchild reaches this solar system at last and tries to locate Gladys.

Wonders why their is a spider shaped object blocking off the sun.

Phones out for a chinese takeaway - banquet B for 3 should do.

Woders if Herenna has found the note I placed in her capacious pocket telling her I am moving and taking Gladys and her children with me

Mutant spiderchild makes a huge spidersilk parachute, then starts falling towards Earth...

Kasdog and Gladys and her children to form a welcoming circle each holding a huge pineapple and fly pizza to ease his appetite.
See some wishes come true

takes out a "Big Mac" and places it on a gilded, marble plate then surrounds it with basil. He puts this in the middle of the room and backs away.

Kasdog and his crew surround the mutant spiderchild with hugs and luv, and ignoring cheap and nasty burgers on rather posh plates takes him off to feast on pizza in Herennas detached manor house

Sneaks in with carrier bag. Looks about to see if he's being observed. Takes diabetic easter egg from bag, which he has hidden in freezer. Glaneces about to see if wife and kids have sneaked in after him. They were sitting there gloating with their gigantic eggs, saying you can't eat these. Well now he's found a diabetic one, so he can, and as they wouldn't share theirs, he won't share his. Alright so it is a tiny egg compared to theirs, but it is his. He has hidden it in freezer till now, so can enjoy it in peace. Takes a bite, ahh! bliss, pleasure. Takes his responsibility as a father serioiusly Doesn't mind playing football with boys of 13 and 11,hesitates about playing dollies with an 8 year old girl, but he is a father, so does. But share his diabetic egg??? Did they share theirs with him? No!!!They gloated!! MMM!!! Bliss. All gone. Slips outy of room satisfied.

Enters with extra strong garlic bread, onionfree vegetable samosas, onionfree chutnies, pickles, and dips, crispy duck with pancakes & onionfree hoisin sauce, and starts feasting.