h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

bloody women who say one thing when they mean another!!

Never trust people who describe themselves as 'zany'.

Anyone who says 'don't worry. I'm not trying to sell you anything' on the doorstep.

"Doctors"
when they're armed with an electric carving knife.

never trust females who are to s for thier own good(especialy ones hanging out in allys)

never trust adorable little kids(except babys who can't even crawl yet)

never trust anyone who says 'hey,my door is always open'

Never trust anyone who says, "I'll get it in by Tuesday. Promise."

And then, two days later, says, "I'll get it in by next Friday. Algerian promise."

Then, at Bar Night, says, "Schhhhhoooooowoooooot... I schflorgoot to hand it iiiiiiiiiiiinnnnn..."

never trust anyone who says ok i'll buy your girl scout cookies but only if you come in here

You sound like you're speaking from experience. Bet you're a stunnah in pigtails and knee high socks

*looks in pant's*... i'm still a boy ... and I was in boy scouts ... but they hated v-games -_-

*chuckles*

the parts aint got nuthin to do with it.. Apparently you can tape em out th way

Anyway. One should never trust anyone who tells you 'It's ok, Hippos are harmless... After all, they are vegetarian'

never trust someone who tells you not to trust someone (or somthing)

Never trust anyone blindly.

never trust anyone deafly

But you should always trust me. Cos if I dont know or cannot be certain I'll bleeding well tell you. Or at least try my humanly best to do so. For instance, did you know that putting urine on your compost heap helps it decompose quicker and is very good for it? Would I lie to you? Hah! See, you dont know whether I'm kidding or not now, do you? Well, I'm not. Radio four told me

Never trust anyone holding a machine gun unless your holding them by the neck.

and have a knife or dagger in your hand

Well added

Uncle Ghengis says you shouldn't trust anyone who referes to themselves in the 3rd-person.

Uncle Ghengis should probably worry about which of him said that...