h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Take down this date and turn up,
It's a tonic for the weary--
The 21st of August
In the People's Park, Dún Laoghaire

The band was grand, they toured the land
With nimble fingers flyin'
They played their yooks, a cordy uns,
And sly dgetarrs (Hawaiian)

They started monster summer schools
That grew and ran for years
A thousand twangling instruments
Would hum about their ears

Their fans responded loud and shrill,
Their fame shone wide its beam;
The Bard became, by loud acclaim,
Emperor of I Scream

'Hey, you're adorable!' and 'Be
Your biggest self', they cried;
'See your commitment through, and de-
lete everything beside!'

(Eff your effrontery, he thought; and
Gee, who gives a jot?
Hate your howling hordes, you horrid
Idolising lot)

Jake, his junior, brought along some
Cake to calm the smart;
Elementary kindness showed his
Empathy and heart

Enervated by the pressure,
Overwork and stress
Petering out, he recognises
Cues, and opts for less.

Are there other fretboard heroes
Escalating thus,
Veering towards abysses due to
Double overplus?

Exorcise your demons, ere the
Zed of life zooms up!
Take a rest! you know it's best!
Some , perhaps a

Tea (why did I leave that out?
You noticed that, I bet ye!)
Twas in the cup he carried up
(And double you, hmm, sketchy)

At least we've done an alphabet
(Another one, demurring)--
When poets stoop to ciphers, you
Can tell there's little stirring

The Yookeristic Congress can
Be heard from here to Doomsday,
But more specifically in
The Leeson Lounge on Bloomsday

They're off tomorrow (Sunday) to
A wedding in Fermoy;
For cakes and ale they will regale
The bride and blushing boy

http://wn.com/Ukeristic_Congress

Pipe up, you shrinking violets!
This page you should be cramming!
I'd best be done, before someone
Accuses me of spamming . . .

Take heart in all you do and say
Be no ones fool in life
Stand up, be proud, and don't be cowed
(Just don't p*ss off the wife)

Well James has wed his sweetheart
In the bally of Volane;
They sang a song for Jemma
And her rugby-playing man

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xkH09B4VRUI

And then the sun began to shine
And people went out boating;
A huge inflated porcupine
They found among them floating

They tried to look the other way
And pay it no attention
A porcupine among them
Wasn't what they'd care to mention

And so they blithely sailed about,
Boldly going forwards;
The porcupine was meanwhile
Moving gradually shorewards

The wind it blew this way and that
and then it dropped completely
the sea was rough and then quite flat
one lady spewed, discreetly

A stench was soon perceived to spread
About the pleasure-boats;
A nasty reek began to pique,
Suggesting billy-goats.

And then the mighty rains arrived
And drove them from the scene
They soon forgot the strange events
As though they'd never been

I dreamed I wandered Grimly Moer
I'd travelled back in time
Now damn and blast, I've found the past
I think once more in rhyme

I can but wonder what went on
Since last I strode through Grimley
Twisted plots all tied in knots
Recalled but only dimly

I think there was a robin in there
Perched upon a branch
What started out as two lines each
Became an avalanche

I’ve read the lot, it’s true (it’s not)
It jellified my brain
And thanks to broken timelines
I’ve unread it all again

So many contributions by
Some strange and gifted people
Though yet it’s close to nine years long
We’re yet to gild that steeple

The roofing work on Grimley Kirk
For now remains on hold
At this rate it will decompose
Before it’s layered with gold

And what’s the word from Glurry?
Is the festival still on?
Our band of wandering weird folk went
There once or am I wrong?

And what about the Tickled Trout
And the endless game of cricket?
Is that still on or have they gone
Deceased while at the wicket