h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: Your liquid car - A4133611
Author: Rumbleghost - U943083

I have no idea what an appropriate comment might be.

BBCiD ate my post earlier.

I'll try to remember it all.

Number one: this is a great idea for an Entry because it is useful. It tells you what a fluid looks like, why it is important, and what to do to fix it.

Number two: it should polish up to something ready for Peer Review very easily.

There are two places that would make a big difference.

-Unfortuanately as British English is the language of the Guide you will need to replace the word gasoline with the word petrol where it occurs. We can always put in a footnote later to define petrol for Canadian/American readers.

-At the moment some of the sentences are more like strings of bullet points than proper sentences. They just need writing out in full, that's all. For example:

-Diesel fuel: Similar to petrol, distinctive smell, not quite as flammable. Similar concerns, but it can be under DANGEROUS pressures.

can be changed to

Diesel fuel is similar in appearance to petrol and has a distinctive smell. Although it is less flammable than petrol it is often stored under pressure and is still very dangerous. If you saw diesel leaking follow the same precautions as you would petrol.


But that's about it from me. If you have any questions or want any more comments, please just post here.

Just to let you the Collaborative Writing Workshop isn't used as much as Peer Review so you may not have that many responses here. Once you've made the changes you want to after my advice, I will suggest that you enter it into Peer Review instead.

If you need help doing that, let me know and I'll post a step-by-step guide.

Thanks for the reply.

When I wrote it, I thought the entry could use some development, but never pursued it. Your comment about how my sentences seem like bullet points is entirely accurate. I tend to write from the "kitchen" of my mind while I am cooking.

I'm not sure why your response didn't show up in my "conversations" links until now.

I'm glad you found it. I remember writing that response, actually. It's a good Entry, and I look forward to seeing it in Peer Review if you want to take it further.

I'd like to propose that this goes to the <./>Writing-Fleamarket</.> as this is an excellent idea for an entry, but sadly the author has ed.

<BB<

Removed from CWW and transferred to FM