The obligatory sappy poem

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The obligatory sappy poem

If you can't stand this sort of thing, then it's probably your turn to read some of this dreck. If you like this sort of thing, leave, and never darken my towels again!

If I never loved you:

a poem of reality and a spoiled fantasy.

If I never loved you

If I had never cared

If I had never done your laundry

and hung your undies in the air,

I would never have learned

how much I hate purple butterflies,

how much I really like a bathroom to myself,

how much I like a lav drain free of your hair.

If I never loved you

If I had never felt a thing

If I hadn't learned to undo your bra

with one hand,

I would never have learned that

I don't like Chanel #5 in my mouth,

I don't like stockings over the shower curtain bar,

I don't like having to explain commercials.

If I never loved you,

If I had never gotten lost in your thighs,

If I had never met your family when I was drunk

and had had no warning,

I would never have learned

how to hide my feelings with a smile,

how to say,"That's all right, we'll get another one",

how to avoid your mother like the plague.

If I never loved you

If I had never almost not survived you

If I had not spent a decade being educated

I would never have learned

how grateful I am that I had this opportunity

how wonderful it is that I have made it through intact

how sweet the words "good bye" taste.

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