A Conversation for Hershey's Kisses

Peer Review: A401437 - Hershey's Kisses

Post 1

Jimi X

Entry: Hershey's Kisses - A401437
Author: Jimi X - U53353

I don't have any idea why I didn't submit this years ago...

It's in a final format except for a rather obvious need for links...

smiley - cheers
- Jimi X


A401437 - Hershey's Kisses

Post 2

Zak T Duck

I thought this had gone in the guide ages ago Jimi, excellent stuff as per usual. smiley - ok

Just a couple of things though that seem like either incomplete thoughs or oversights:

Para 7
"Milton S. Hershey established a the tissue plume extending out of the wrapper as a registered trademark in 1924"

Either something is midding from this sentence or either the "a" or "the" should be dropped.

Para 12
"The streetlights first went up in town in 1961 - an idea of Hershey Chocolate Company President xxxx Hinkle?"

I think the company president could do with a first name if the deatils are available someplace.


A401437 - Hershey's Kisses

Post 3

Zak T Duck

Damn this keyboard to Hades!


A401437 - Hershey's Kisses

Post 4

Jimi X

You're right of course...

Unfortunately, the final version of this entry failed to upload properly and I sent it to PR without double-checking it. That's never happened to me before. smiley - erm

I'll make the changes I wanted to the original text and get it back here in a jiffy. Sorry you read the version before my final edits.

smiley - cheers
- Jimi X


A401437 - Hershey's Kisses

Post 5

Jimi X

There...

That's better.

smiley - cheers
- X


A401437 - Hershey's Kisses

Post 6

Pimms

Useful Kiss History Jimi smiley - smiley

Personally I tried Hershey's Kisses and didn't like them at all smiley - yuk


You may want to add a 'that' after 'machines' to this sentence: The machines replaced the girls in the wrapping room in August 1921 bear a striking resemblance to the ones which today wrap 1300 Hershey's Kisses a minute

I was also intrigued by the streetlights bit at the end - is there a link you could put in to show exactly what you mean?

Pimms smiley - stiffdrink


A401437 - Hershey's Kisses

Post 7

J

Ahh, yes because of all of the Pennsylvania entries... I learned a lot about Hershey as a friend of mine is actually an heir to the Hershey Chocolate factory.

A few points-

"...mansion on East Chocloate Avenue." do you mean Chocolate Avenue, or is it actually Chocloate? smiley - erm

You might consider adding some links. A biography of Milton Hershey I saw somewhere on the 'net, though http://www.hersheys.com/products/kisses.shtml seems to be the same entry with different wording.

You don't really mention the size. I know better, but a confused man may be led to believe that they are larger.

You don't make any discernable attempt to really describe them. This entry seems to be more about the history rather than the entire candy. You might consider changing the title to 'The History of Hershey's Kisses'

Overall, a fine entry though

smiley - blacksheep


A401437 - Hershey's Kisses

Post 8

Jimi X

Cheers guys...

smiley - choc

Changes made, links added, some text re-reworked to flow better...

smiley - cheers
- Jimi X


A401437 - Hershey's Kisses

Post 9

There is only one thing worse than being Gosho, and that is not being Gosho

More smiley - choc in the EG - can't be a bad thing smiley - tongueout Another nice entry Jimi smiley - smiley


Congratulations - Your Entry has been Picked for the Edited Guide!

Post 10

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Your Guide Entry has just been picked from Peer Review by one of our Scouts, and is now heading off into the Editorial Process, which ends with publication in the Edited Guide. We've therefore moved this Review Conversation out of Peer Review and to the entry itself.

If you'd like to know what happens now, check out the page on 'What Happens after your Entry has been Recommended?' at EditedGuide-Process. We hope this explains everything.

Thanks for contributing to the Edited Guide!


Congratulations - Your Entry has been Picked for the Edited Guide!

Post 11

J

smiley - bubbly well done Jimi.

smiley - blacksheep


Congratulations - Your Entry has been Picked for the Edited Guide!

Post 12

Pimms

Well Done! smiley - bubbly

Pimms smiley - stiffdrink


Congratulations - Your Entry has been Picked for the Edited Guide!

Post 13

Jimi X

smiley - cheers


Congratulations - Your Entry has been Picked for the Edited Guide!

Post 14

There is only one thing worse than being Gosho, and that is not being Gosho

smiley - chocsmiley - cheers


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