A Conversation for A Short History of the United States of America

Peer Review: A3776222 - A Short History of the United States of America

Post 1

J

Entry: A Short History of the United States of America - A3776222
Author: Jodan - What's that green stuff on the lawn? - U201497

For an explanation of this, see F48874?thread=610194.

This is just a history of the US. Broken up from a larger entry. Maybe broken down again later, who knows?

If you have some thoughts about a historical event, some facts or anything, I'm more than willing to include them.

smiley - blacksheep


A3776222 - A Short History of the United States of America

Post 2

Blackberry Cat , if one wishes to remain an individual in the midst of the teeming multitudes, one must make oneself grotesque

just read through it quickly and it looks good but noticed 1 error
it was General Burgoyne, not Howe, who surrendeured at Saratoga


A3776222 - A Short History of the United States of America

Post 3

J

As far as I can divine, you're talking about this section -

"Ethan Allen and his Green Mountain Boys took Fort Ticonderoga and the British left Boston to move up into Canada. General Howe of the British took New York City."

It doesn't imply Howe surrendered at Ticonderoga. To me at least. It's part of a larger group of short sentences summarizing action in the Revolution. If I'm wrong and there's some sort of implication I didn't think of, let me know smiley - smiley

smiley - blacksheep


A3776222 - A Short History of the United States of America

Post 4

Blackberry Cat , if one wishes to remain an individual in the midst of the teeming multitudes, one must make oneself grotesque

In the next paragraph you write,

'Howe and Washington faced off at Saratoga, and Howe surrendered, which ended up as the turning point of the Revolution'.

I'm pretty sure it was Burgoyne in command at Saratoga and that he surrendered to Gates.


A3776222 - A Short History of the United States of America

Post 5

J

smiley - doh

For some reason, when you said Saratoga, I thought Ticonderoga. Will fix smiley - smiley

smiley - blacksheep


A3776222 - A Short History of the United States of America

Post 6

Blackberry Cat , if one wishes to remain an individual in the midst of the teeming multitudes, one must make oneself grotesque

smiley - ok


A3776222 - A Short History of the United States of America

Post 7

Jimi X

I would like to see a brief mention of the flourishing stone age culture present when Columbus 'discovered' the place. And no mention of the Vikings?

I've only read up to the French & Indian War section and you're doing a good job so far. It's tough to summarize so much so fast.

One correction, where you say 'In 1754, a young Virginian officer named George Washington led a group of Virginians to set up Fort Necessity.'

He set up Fort Necessity out of necessity after he slaughtered a group of Frenchmen in Jumonville, Pennsylvania. He retreated and set up the fort in a swampy meadow surrounded by hills and trees to wait for the French response.

Boy did he ever get it! It was the only time he surrendered. smiley - winkeye


A3776222 - A Short History of the United States of America

Post 8

Pinniped


Wow, Jodan. Epic!

This is mainly to say well done, though a little tidying could make it even better. (The dawn-of-time paragraph at the beginning, for example has some tense-drift and a distinct excess of "form". It's worth reworking that bit at least, to maximise the impact of the very slick start)

A bigger finish would boost it, too, though I guess it's a little difficult to rise above the pathos of the current Commander-in-Chiefsmiley - winkeye

This Entry taught me so much, although that's not hard. Principal Terrible Confession - I thought Lincoln was a Democratsmiley - erm. Who's this William Dawson, too, I wonder? We've left him out of the British version. Presumably the poor chap got the slow horse.

One thing I can tell you, though, is that the Germans surrended on 7th May 1945 (declaration) or alternatively the 8th (instrument).

Keep it up, you. So many fine examples on so many hootoo frontssmiley - ok

Pin (in awe as ever)


A3776222 - A Short History of the United States of America

Post 9

J

"I would like to see a brief mention of the flourishing stone age culture present when Columbus 'discovered' the place. And no mention of the Vikings?"

To go into any detail about those things would be A Short History of North America, really, but I will link to Gnomon's excellent 'They Discovered America' entry and work in a few sentences about the indigenous people pre-Columbus. smiley - ok

And, I will amend the Necessity mention smiley - smiley

"Principal Terrible Confession - I thought Lincoln was a Democrat"

smiley - laugh
Not a hard mistake to make. The parties essentially switched sides on most issues after the time of Lincoln, but Lincoln was officially a Republican.

"Who's this William Dawson, too, I wonder? We've left him out of the British version. Presumably the poor chap got the slow horse."

They left him out of the American version too, for the most part. But I reckon he did deserved a mention. If not, I'm sure some pedants would jump on me for it here anyway.

smiley - cheers

smiley - blacksheep


A3776222 - A Short History of the United States of America

Post 10

Smij - Formerly Jimster



This looks fantastic, Jodan. Are you ready for this to be Scouted yet?


A3776222 - A Short History of the United States of America

Post 11

GodBen (The Magical Astronomer) - 00000011

I just took a quick glance and found this error "Clinton was reelected in 1994". Clinton was reelected in 1996.


A3776222 - A Short History of the United States of America

Post 12

J

Jeeza-loo. I read an autobiography of Clinton thicker than my DVD player and I can't get his reelection year right... that's fixed.

Jims, I didn't really expect this to be a very collaborative entry, at least not to the extent of the other two, so I'm happy with this.

Also, if y'all are going to break it down if it gets selected, I'd like to work with the sub-editor on that. smiley - smiley

smiley - blacksheep


A3776222 - A Short History of the United States of America

Post 13

Jayne Austin


Good job!

I'm a bit tired of Americans' opinion that only America had slavery and abused natives, but I suppose I'm just gonna have to deal with it, since it's everywhere.

Still, smiley - cheers


A3776222 - A Short History of the United States of America

Post 14

J

smiley - ok


Congratulations - Your Entry has been Picked for the Edited Guide!

Post 15

h2g2 auto-messages

Your Guide Entry has just been picked from Peer Review by one of our Scouts, and is now heading off into the Editorial Process, which ends with publication in the Edited Guide. We've therefore moved this Review Conversation out of Peer Review and to the entry itself.

If you'd like to know what happens now, check out the page on 'What Happens after your Entry has been Recommended?' at EditedGuide-Process. We hope this explains everything.

Thanks for contributing to the Edited Guide!


Congratulations - Your Entry has been Picked for the Edited Guide!

Post 16

J

smiley - somersault


Congratulations - Your Entry has been Picked for the Edited Guide!

Post 17

Jayne Austin

Woo hoo!
smiley - cheers


Congratulations - Your Entry has been Picked for the Edited Guide!

Post 18

Pinniped


Nice one Jodan

Have a warm beersmiley - cheers


Congratulations - Your Entry has been Picked for the Edited Guide!

Post 19

Blackberry Cat , if one wishes to remain an individual in the midst of the teeming multitudes, one must make oneself grotesque

congrats Jodan smiley - bubbly


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