A Conversation for A Short History of the United States of America
Peer Review: A3776222 - A Short History of the United States of America
J Started conversation Mar 12, 2005
Entry: A Short History of the United States of America - A3776222
Author: Jodan - What's that green stuff on the lawn? - U201497
For an explanation of this, see F48874?thread=610194.
This is just a history of the US. Broken up from a larger entry. Maybe broken down again later, who knows?
If you have some thoughts about a historical event, some facts or anything, I'm more than willing to include them.
A3776222 - A Short History of the United States of America
Blackberry Cat , if one wishes to remain an individual in the midst of the teeming multitudes, one must make oneself grotesque Posted Mar 16, 2005
just read through it quickly and it looks good but noticed 1 error
it was General Burgoyne, not Howe, who surrendeured at Saratoga
A3776222 - A Short History of the United States of America
J Posted Mar 16, 2005
As far as I can divine, you're talking about this section -
"Ethan Allen and his Green Mountain Boys took Fort Ticonderoga and the British left Boston to move up into Canada. General Howe of the British took New York City."
It doesn't imply Howe surrendered at Ticonderoga. To me at least. It's part of a larger group of short sentences summarizing action in the Revolution. If I'm wrong and there's some sort of implication I didn't think of, let me know
A3776222 - A Short History of the United States of America
Blackberry Cat , if one wishes to remain an individual in the midst of the teeming multitudes, one must make oneself grotesque Posted Mar 16, 2005
In the next paragraph you write,
'Howe and Washington faced off at Saratoga, and Howe surrendered, which ended up as the turning point of the Revolution'.
I'm pretty sure it was Burgoyne in command at Saratoga and that he surrendered to Gates.
A3776222 - A Short History of the United States of America
Blackberry Cat , if one wishes to remain an individual in the midst of the teeming multitudes, one must make oneself grotesque Posted Mar 16, 2005
A3776222 - A Short History of the United States of America
Jimi X Posted Mar 19, 2005
I would like to see a brief mention of the flourishing stone age culture present when Columbus 'discovered' the place. And no mention of the Vikings?
I've only read up to the French & Indian War section and you're doing a good job so far. It's tough to summarize so much so fast.
One correction, where you say 'In 1754, a young Virginian officer named George Washington led a group of Virginians to set up Fort Necessity.'
He set up Fort Necessity out of necessity after he slaughtered a group of Frenchmen in Jumonville, Pennsylvania. He retreated and set up the fort in a swampy meadow surrounded by hills and trees to wait for the French response.
Boy did he ever get it! It was the only time he surrendered.
A3776222 - A Short History of the United States of America
Pinniped Posted Mar 20, 2005
Wow, Jodan. Epic!
This is mainly to say well done, though a little tidying could make it even better. (The dawn-of-time paragraph at the beginning, for example has some tense-drift and a distinct excess of "form". It's worth reworking that bit at least, to maximise the impact of the very slick start)
A bigger finish would boost it, too, though I guess it's a little difficult to rise above the pathos of the current Commander-in-Chief
This Entry taught me so much, although that's not hard. Principal Terrible Confession - I thought Lincoln was a Democrat. Who's this William Dawson, too, I wonder? We've left him out of the British version. Presumably the poor chap got the slow horse.
One thing I can tell you, though, is that the Germans surrended on 7th May 1945 (declaration) or alternatively the 8th (instrument).
Keep it up, you. So many fine examples on so many hootoo fronts
Pin (in awe as ever)
A3776222 - A Short History of the United States of America
J Posted Mar 20, 2005
"I would like to see a brief mention of the flourishing stone age culture present when Columbus 'discovered' the place. And no mention of the Vikings?"
To go into any detail about those things would be A Short History of North America, really, but I will link to Gnomon's excellent 'They Discovered America' entry and work in a few sentences about the indigenous people pre-Columbus.
And, I will amend the Necessity mention
"Principal Terrible Confession - I thought Lincoln was a Democrat"
Not a hard mistake to make. The parties essentially switched sides on most issues after the time of Lincoln, but Lincoln was officially a Republican.
"Who's this William Dawson, too, I wonder? We've left him out of the British version. Presumably the poor chap got the slow horse."
They left him out of the American version too, for the most part. But I reckon he did deserved a mention. If not, I'm sure some pedants would jump on me for it here anyway.
A3776222 - A Short History of the United States of America
Smij - Formerly Jimster Posted Mar 29, 2005
This looks fantastic, Jodan. Are you ready for this to be Scouted yet?
A3776222 - A Short History of the United States of America
GodBen (The Magical Astronomer) - 00000011 Posted Mar 29, 2005
I just took a quick glance and found this error "Clinton was reelected in 1994". Clinton was reelected in 1996.
A3776222 - A Short History of the United States of America
J Posted Mar 29, 2005
Jeeza-loo. I read an autobiography of Clinton thicker than my DVD player and I can't get his reelection year right... that's fixed.
Jims, I didn't really expect this to be a very collaborative entry, at least not to the extent of the other two, so I'm happy with this.
Also, if y'all are going to break it down if it gets selected, I'd like to work with the sub-editor on that.
A3776222 - A Short History of the United States of America
Jayne Austin Posted Mar 30, 2005
Good job!
I'm a bit tired of Americans' opinion that only America had slavery and abused natives, but I suppose I'm just gonna have to deal with it, since it's everywhere.
Still,
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Blackberry Cat , if one wishes to remain an individual in the midst of the teeming multitudes, one must make oneself grotesque Posted Apr 4, 2005
Key: Complain about this post
Peer Review: A3776222 - A Short History of the United States of America
- 1: J (Mar 12, 2005)
- 2: Blackberry Cat , if one wishes to remain an individual in the midst of the teeming multitudes, one must make oneself grotesque (Mar 16, 2005)
- 3: J (Mar 16, 2005)
- 4: Blackberry Cat , if one wishes to remain an individual in the midst of the teeming multitudes, one must make oneself grotesque (Mar 16, 2005)
- 5: J (Mar 16, 2005)
- 6: Blackberry Cat , if one wishes to remain an individual in the midst of the teeming multitudes, one must make oneself grotesque (Mar 16, 2005)
- 7: Jimi X (Mar 19, 2005)
- 8: Pinniped (Mar 20, 2005)
- 9: J (Mar 20, 2005)
- 10: Smij - Formerly Jimster (Mar 29, 2005)
- 11: GodBen (The Magical Astronomer) - 00000011 (Mar 29, 2005)
- 12: J (Mar 29, 2005)
- 13: Jayne Austin (Mar 30, 2005)
- 14: J (Mar 30, 2005)
- 15: h2g2 auto-messages (Apr 1, 2005)
- 16: J (Apr 1, 2005)
- 17: Jayne Austin (Apr 1, 2005)
- 18: Pinniped (Apr 1, 2005)
- 19: Blackberry Cat , if one wishes to remain an individual in the midst of the teeming multitudes, one must make oneself grotesque (Apr 4, 2005)
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