A Conversation for Crisbecq – the Defenders’ Story

Peer Review: A37321751 - Crisbecq – the Defenders’ Story

Post 1

Pinniped

Entry: Crisbecq – the Defenders’ Story - A37321751
Author: Pinniped - U183682


If you read this one, you'll guess this one's important to me.
It's true too, in a hootoo kind of way.


A37321751 - Crisbecq – the Defenders’ Story

Post 2

Noth€r

smiley - peacesign


A37321751 - Crisbecq – the Defenders’ Story

Post 3

J

Well, you don't need to tell you that it's well done.

I'm not sure I like this 'gonzo' researching style development of yours though. It's not something I've often seen in your work. It certainly makes it less accessible and timeless, though I don't think those things are what you're after. Well. I did enjoy it more for having your story interwoven.


A37321751 - Crisbecq – the Defenders’ Story

Post 4

h5ringer

Pin, this is a truly monumental piece of work, of which I am sure you are justifiably proud.

I feel mean criticising anything, but...
>>Rommel directed the fortification of them both<< directed -> ordered?

smiley - towel


A37321751 - Crisbecq – the Defenders’ Story

Post 5

Pinniped


Thanks allsmiley - smiley

Altered to "ordered", h5ringer.

Not a frozen style, Jordan (OMG, I just called you Jordan). If you want to suggest another device, I'd be pleased to try it. I did this because it provides a way to connect then to now, and young impressions to old impressions.

In particular, the American version meshed with the German would be interesting.

(One day I'll really do gonzo. YHBW)


A37321751 - Crisbecq – the Defenders’ Story

Post 6

J

You're right. This isn't really gonzo, not yet. I'm not saying it doesn't work, it just has some drawbacks.

An American version would be interesting. Unfortunately I don't have quite the source to tap into which you found.


A37321751 - Crisbecq – the Defenders’ Story

Post 7

LL Waz

Excellent piece of writing. The different style's intriguing. I thought it stopped the possibility of distancing yourself - it brought the men fighting into the present. Showing them with likeable qualities in addition to that, make it an awful reminder that ordinary, even likeable, people, just like us, can do such things to each other.

An American personal perspective would be brilliant though another voice would complicate it a lot.

The mention of h2g2 jarred a bit - it's specific enough to distract - you could just put 'this article'.

I hope the EG can cope with it, if not I hope it finds a publisher somewhere.


A37321751 - Crisbecq – the Defenders’ Story

Post 8

U168592

smiley - boing


A37321751 - Crisbecq – the Defenders’ Story

Post 9

Pinniped


Oh yeah, I remember this.
(Thanks, Matt)
I've made a few tweeks. The h2g2 mention is still in. I don't really like the 'this article/this Researcher' styling. It reads clunky.


A37321751 - Crisbecq – the Defenders’ Story

Post 10

h5ringer

Hello? Anyone at home?


A37321751 - Crisbecq – the Defenders’ Story

Post 11

McKay The Disorganised

I'm sorry - I read this some time ago and failed to comment.

I found the style intereesting, and of course the intimacy could not be achieved without the personalisation.

I wouldn't hesitate to pick it. (If I were a scout.)

smiley - cider


A37321751 - Crisbecq – the Defenders’ Story

Post 12

U168592

This seems to have been forgotten about...

Any comments?


A37321751 - Crisbecq – the Defenders’ Story

Post 13

h5ringer

Was rejected on a previous recommendation smiley - cross


A37321751 - Crisbecq – the Defenders’ Story

Post 14

U168592

Oh, so the Eds don't think it's EG material? Shame. If that's the case, perhaps Pin can remove it from PR and put it in the AWW, because I'm sure it would reach the Front Page via the UnderGuide smiley - winkeye


A37321751 - Crisbecq – the Defenders’ Story

Post 15

h5ringer

It should certainly FP somewhere


A37321751 - Crisbecq – the Defenders’ Story

Post 16

Pinniped


Thanks guys, but I don't feel inclined to remove it.
I think it's discourteous to reject without giving reasons. For all I know, they're objecting to something I could correct, though I doubt it.
Pronouncement please, then, Slants. Here where everyone can read it if you don't mind. Once more I worked hard here to contribute to your project. You owe me an explanation.
And if it's that tired old we-don't-allow-dramatised-fact thing, then please be honest and admit that Charlotte just made that up on the spot, and that it had no place in the Guidelines until his hormones went wonky.
Meanwhile, I remain convinced that this kind of writing is just what the Guide needs. And that kind of writing. And the other kind of writing. In fact, as many different kinds of writing as possible, just like we don't allow round here.
Come on Slants. We don't want to die in this rut you've ordained.
(Hey, that one would make a good FPQuote, doncha reckon?smiley - winkeye)


A37321751 - Crisbecq – the Defenders’ Story

Post 17

LL Waz

smiley - sadface EG's loss.

Read something last night about making goals ones people want to grab hold of. He said then people do whatever's needed to make them happen. The easy stuff doesn't keep the interest, or earn the energy.

His personal goal was the three peaks, which doesn't grab me at all - just plain daft racing up those three mountains in 24 hours without time to appreciate the view even - but the idea rings true.

A wider EG would be a deal more difficult to manage, but a much more interesting project.

Here's to the Phocoid, smiley - stiffdrink, that keeps putting his head above the parapet.


A37321751 - Crisbecq – the Defenders’ Story

Post 18

The H2G2 Editors

Hello all,

Sorry for not posting here earlier - this thread has just been pointed out to us.

Although we do show some flexibility in style, the writing guidelines clearly state:

'The Edited Guide is a real-life guide, not a work of fiction, so please don't submit fiction to Peer Review.'

Although this Entry is about real-life events, it is a dramatised version, and, again referring to the guidelines:

'While we encourage colourful, interesting entries, dramatising past events can make entries less accessible to those looking for a straightforward factual account, and should usually be avoided.'

This still fits into the wider Guide, it just doesn't fit into the Edited Guide. In the same way that we wouldn't recommend that someone would research a thesis by reading a historical novel, then we can't accept this into the Edited Guide as it would throw the veracity of other factual Entries into question.

h2g2 Editors


A37321751 - Crisbecq – the Defenders’ Story

Post 19

bobstafford

Fair comment DG but what about a less dramatised version with no explicit descriptions, that others can add to
it is part of our history


A37321751 - Crisbecq – the Defenders’ Story

Post 20

Dmitri Gheorgheni - Freshly Vaccinated

Bob - I didn't write that! smiley - yikes That was the BBC!

I am wholly enthusiastic about this entry!


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