h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Okay then, who can come up with the wittiest, funniest or dirtiest graffiti that can be scrawled on a toilet wall? It doesn't have to be made up by you, just repeated.
So, who will win the Graffiti competition?

Excuse me. Just popped over to use the tiolet.
...Sound of fly unzipping...Sound similar to Niagra Falls...Zipping sound again...FLUSH!...Sink turns on...Sink turns off...Paper rattling...
Thanks ever so much!!! Good bye all.

Do you know any graffiti, Joker?

In days of old
When knights were bold
And tiolets not invented

They layed their load
Right on the road
And walked away contented.

Now that's great graffiti - can anyone rival it?

This is the way I heard it:

In days of old
When knights were bold
And rubbers weren't invented

They wrapped a sock
Around their cocks
And babies were prevented

Hope you liked it!

Very shocking

Unfortunately, there is a very fine line between "shocking" and "offensive enough to get me kicked off for seven days."

Yes, true....
So, perhaps we should try slightly more censored versions from now on...

So something along the lines of:

There was a young lady from Venus
Whose body was shaped like a [CENSORED]?

I did see on the stall wall of a local supermarket the following:

Welcome to the White Trash Internet!

I must admit, I did find this particular entry quite entertaining. It was a stark contrast to the usual questions about someone's parentage, and the relations that they have with their mothers.

OK BB... I am here and ready to compete!
I shall start with a classic!:

~When you enter this fine hall
Use the paper on the wall.
If there is not any around
Scrape your a**e along the ground!
If you do not like this caper
Use your finger as a scraper!~

That will do for a start then
shazzPRME

There was a young lad in Tershelling
who always was eager and willing
he fell off his bike
stuck his thumb in a dyke
- and is punished now for misspelling

~I once found my pet puss in Boots,
Buying condoms and herbal cheroots.
I said 'Naughty cat,
You mustn't do that
They'll think we're a couple of fruits'.~

~When travelling in Holland by bike,
Something happened that I didn't like.
I had a mishap
When I hit a Dutch cap
And my finger got stuck in a dyke.~

hehehehe!
shazz woz here!

Just when you thought no-one had any toilet graffiti...

(Written high upon the wall)
If you can pee above this line,...
the Hillsboro Fire Department want's you.
~~~~
(Sign posted in a bathroom)
We aim to please!
You aim too! Please!
~~~~
Scratched into the paint of the condom-dispensing machine
were these words: "Don't buy this gum, it tastes like rubber."
~~~~
(On the inside of a toilet door)
Patrons are requested to remain seated
throughout the entire performance
~~~~
(A sign I saw at a swimming pool once)
Welcome to our ool. Notice there's no P in it.
Please keep it that way.
~~~~
(Here's one seen above a urinal)
look up
look up
[even higher on the wall]
keep looking up
[on the ceiling]
Quick! Look down! You're peeing on your shoes!

lol

Breaks out in hysterics....

...calms himself....

...fails...

lol

On the bottom of one of those cubicle doors that doesn't go right to the ground: "Achtung - limbo dancers!"

Also, there was one which had been nearly completely obliterated leaving just the last line:
"...which explains the hump on the camel, and the enigmatic smile of the Sphynx".
If you know how this starts, please go to the Gents in the camp site in Bayern and fill it in...Thanks.

In days of old
When knights were bold
And paper wasn't invented

We wiped our ass
With blades of grass
And walked away contented
....................

A clean colon is the cure to the cozmic chaos.
Rufus Brownleaf....Berkley CA
.......................

Here I sit, all broken hearted
Tried to s**t, but only farted

Later on, I took a chance
Tried to fart, and s**t my pants

Here I sit all broken hearted,
tried to poop but only farted.

Here I lay all broken boned,
tried to fart but only moaned.

Not a very nice man.

The sexual life of the camel is stranger than anyone thinks: One night a horny old camel attempted to bugger the sphinx. Alas, the ass of the statue was filled with the sand of the Nile, which explains the hump on the camel and the sphinx's inscrutable smile.

Liam.