cigars
Created | Updated Jan 28, 2002
I just read the oral fixation entry. I think i have an oral fixation. If you do too, here's what to do: smoke cigars. This is great because it gives you something to do, helps you to look refined, plus it's rather annoying to some people whom it might prove fun, to annoy. Here's the lowdown:
Step one: You have got to buy cigars. Stealing isn't very nice, and growing/rolling your own is insane. So buy them. Don't buy cigars from the corner store. Trust me, they will not be fufilling. You will probably need to go to a tobbaconist (cigar store). This is alright. Tryi to find one nearby, where the staff are kind, not snooty (unless snooty is your thing). They will more then happily sell you cigars. They will have a humidor, perhaps even one a walk-in one. the first time you walk into a humidor is great, because it's like stepping off a plane in Cuba. The air in there is normally around 73% humidity, and it's quite warm. Okay, pick out your cigar. There should be a cigar in there for almost any price range. (starting at about $2 Cdn.). If you want you could get a $200 vintage Cohiba, but you really don't need to. You can have a really nice smoke for $5 (again Cdn, sorry, i'm not doing conversions). Buy it, thank the people, and go.
Step two: Find some place to smoke the cigar. A lot of places will NOT let you smoke them. Here in Canada we make reference to "cigar-friendly" establishments. Plus there's always home. Go wherever you're going. Have a drink. I like single malts witha cigar, but brandy is lovely, so is beer.
Step three: Cut it. Yeah, you'll need to cut the cigar, unless you were smart enough to get them to cut it at the store, but you may develop a style that you like, so then you'll have to do it. Ther is a ton of ways depending on who you are, but the most basic would have to be the guillotine (sp?) type cutter. One or two blades chopping the end off. it's pretty easy, and you can buy one as cheap as a few bucks. Take it and cut off the end (the side normally closest to the band) how much you cut off depends on you. For an easy draw (aka you do not have to suck much), cut a hole nearly as big as the body of the cigar, the smaller the hole, the harder the draw. cool?
Step four: Light it. This is where the "smoke" bit comes in. You can use whatever you want, but here is my suggestion; something hot works best. To focus the category even more, i like using a butane lighter, or cedar matches. Butane lighters burn a very pure flame, and will not leave any residue on the cigar, which can change the flavour. Cedar is what the cigar is stored in, so burning cedar imparts a flavour you are going to get anyway. Whatever you use, try not to stick the end of the cigar IN the flame, hold it a centemetre or so over the flame, rotating the cigar. People may laugh, but you will be the one laughing when your cigar burns evenly, and theirs on a forty five degree angle. Rotating evenly heats the end. Reflect on this as you do it. Without ever touching the flame, the cigar will start to smoke; keep rotating, until it starts to glow, then and only then should you put it in your mouth, and take a draw (acctually a few short draws). Now it will be buring, and you can lose the hot thing, and just focus on the cigar.
Step five: Smoke it. Some key ideas here: Do not hold it in your mouth. The end will become covered in spit, which will seriously effect the draw, and will also cause a lot of tar and nicotine to collect there, and be deposited on your lip. Only take a draw ever 30 seconds to a minute. You shouldn't be in a hurry, Drawing to often will heat it up so much that it will get a weird minty tar taste that will make your tounge feel funny. DO NOT INHALE! Even if you smoke cigarettes. Cigars do not contain the same levels of nicotine as a cigarette, plus they have way more tar. This means that as any frequent pot smoker knows, you will start caughing up brown/black crap after a year or so. Don't constantly flick the cigar to drop the ashes, only when the ash is approaching an inch should you be concerned about it. Having said all this, it is only my opinion, and with experience, you too will have your own insights, so try doing everything i say not to at least once, just in case you love it.
Step six: Putting it out. Unlike a Chemical Factory fire, it is completely safe to let a cigar burn it's self out. It only takes a few minutes, is much cleaner, and leaves less of the "after cigar" smell in the air. Just set it in the ash tray and chat with your friends, or settle your bill. Whatever.
That about covers it.
Step one: You have got to buy cigars. Stealing isn't very nice, and growing/rolling your own is insane. So buy them. Don't buy cigars from the corner store. Trust me, they will not be fufilling. You will probably need to go to a tobbaconist (cigar store). This is alright. Tryi to find one nearby, where the staff are kind, not snooty (unless snooty is your thing). They will more then happily sell you cigars. They will have a humidor, perhaps even one a walk-in one. the first time you walk into a humidor is great, because it's like stepping off a plane in Cuba. The air in there is normally around 73% humidity, and it's quite warm. Okay, pick out your cigar. There should be a cigar in there for almost any price range. (starting at about $2 Cdn.). If you want you could get a $200 vintage Cohiba, but you really don't need to. You can have a really nice smoke for $5 (again Cdn, sorry, i'm not doing conversions). Buy it, thank the people, and go.
Step two: Find some place to smoke the cigar. A lot of places will NOT let you smoke them. Here in Canada we make reference to "cigar-friendly" establishments. Plus there's always home. Go wherever you're going. Have a drink. I like single malts witha cigar, but brandy is lovely, so is beer.
Step three: Cut it. Yeah, you'll need to cut the cigar, unless you were smart enough to get them to cut it at the store, but you may develop a style that you like, so then you'll have to do it. Ther is a ton of ways depending on who you are, but the most basic would have to be the guillotine (sp?) type cutter. One or two blades chopping the end off. it's pretty easy, and you can buy one as cheap as a few bucks. Take it and cut off the end (the side normally closest to the band) how much you cut off depends on you. For an easy draw (aka you do not have to suck much), cut a hole nearly as big as the body of the cigar, the smaller the hole, the harder the draw. cool?
Step four: Light it. This is where the "smoke" bit comes in. You can use whatever you want, but here is my suggestion; something hot works best. To focus the category even more, i like using a butane lighter, or cedar matches. Butane lighters burn a very pure flame, and will not leave any residue on the cigar, which can change the flavour. Cedar is what the cigar is stored in, so burning cedar imparts a flavour you are going to get anyway. Whatever you use, try not to stick the end of the cigar IN the flame, hold it a centemetre or so over the flame, rotating the cigar. People may laugh, but you will be the one laughing when your cigar burns evenly, and theirs on a forty five degree angle. Rotating evenly heats the end. Reflect on this as you do it. Without ever touching the flame, the cigar will start to smoke; keep rotating, until it starts to glow, then and only then should you put it in your mouth, and take a draw (acctually a few short draws). Now it will be buring, and you can lose the hot thing, and just focus on the cigar.
Step five: Smoke it. Some key ideas here: Do not hold it in your mouth. The end will become covered in spit, which will seriously effect the draw, and will also cause a lot of tar and nicotine to collect there, and be deposited on your lip. Only take a draw ever 30 seconds to a minute. You shouldn't be in a hurry, Drawing to often will heat it up so much that it will get a weird minty tar taste that will make your tounge feel funny. DO NOT INHALE! Even if you smoke cigarettes. Cigars do not contain the same levels of nicotine as a cigarette, plus they have way more tar. This means that as any frequent pot smoker knows, you will start caughing up brown/black crap after a year or so. Don't constantly flick the cigar to drop the ashes, only when the ash is approaching an inch should you be concerned about it. Having said all this, it is only my opinion, and with experience, you too will have your own insights, so try doing everything i say not to at least once, just in case you love it.
Step six: Putting it out. Unlike a Chemical Factory fire, it is completely safe to let a cigar burn it's self out. It only takes a few minutes, is much cleaner, and leaves less of the "after cigar" smell in the air. Just set it in the ash tray and chat with your friends, or settle your bill. Whatever.
That about covers it.
