Closure- Part 2
Created | Updated Jan 28, 2002
Author’s note: Much as I’d love it if they did, these characters don’t belong to me. Joss Whedon and his colleagues have all the rights, I just work here.
The accompanying lyrics are taken from Fiona Apple’s "Love Ridden". It doesn’t matter if you don’t know the song, the words speak for themselves.
Part 6
[Copyright material removed by moderator]
Cordelia turned the key to her apartment and opened the door. She stepped into the room, followed by Xander who was finishing up a conversation on his mobile. Well, Anya’s mobile- she’d lent it to him so she could keep in touch. Xander was saying goodbye as he walked into the apartment.
"I know. Of course I miss you." He listened to the voice on the other end and smiled. "Yeah he tends to do that, just smile and nod, he usually gets to a point without resorting to a globe." Cordelia grinned and mouthed Giles? at Xander who nodded and returned to the phone.
"I shouldn’t be here too much longer." He cringed slightly and said, obviously dodging whatever Anya had said "Yeah, me too. Oops, gotta go, evil slayers to hunt." His face softened as he listened again.
"Yeah, I’ll see you soon. Bye." Looking as if he would have liked to say something else, Xander hung up the phone. He stuck it in his pocket and gazed appreciatively round the room.
"So, you earn a pittance fighting evil and haven’t had an acting job for three months. Have you sold your soul to a real estate guy?"
"Nope, although maybe Angel should start taking care of them too. Actually, it was going on the cheap cos no-one else wanted it."
"What?" Xander asked "Was it haunted?"
"Pretty much." Xander tripped over a chair and landed on the floor.
Without bothering to get up he said "Ok, Cordelia Chase is living with Casper. The idea of you and a roommate is hard enough but a ghost? Don’t you get enough of undead guys at work?"
"He’s ok, plus he’s out a lot. It’s really not a problem."
"Oh, of course. Because he’s usually out with his ectoplasmic friends, enjoying a drink in the bar. Are you insane?"
"Well, I’m letting you stay in the house so the general consensus would be yeah. And are you ever going to get off the floor? Honestly, you’re the guy who killed 3 vamps this afternoon whilst saving a slayer in the process?"
"Well you know, I saved your ass too. Not that I heard a word of gratitude. Queen C really hasn’t changed has she?"
"But you, your transformation since high school has been astounding. From slacker to waster- real nice job there Xand."
"At least I have some kind of life, I mean what do you do Cordy, work for Angel all day, go out with Angel at night, answer Angel’s every beck and call. Are we seeing a pattern here?"
"You know, I do more than that."
"Oh yeah, you get blinding headaches to receive some incomprehensible message from the gods. Not forgetting the working up of some sexual tension with failed watcher boy."
"Yeah, cos your love life’s a big success story. Let’s see, praying mantis, mummy dearest, some sexual tension with hacker girl and the slayer- the latter being so unrequited- then of course there’s Anya. Former scourge of the Y-carrying world turned stalker. Who you still can’t say those three little words to. What’s up Xander- are you scared or something?"
"Don’t forget you. The rich bitch, dated every human in trousers, superiority complex the size of Texas girlfriend from hell. Maybe being with you just scared me off relationships completely."
"I knew this was a mistake." The two moved in closer and glared at each other. "I knew that you wouldn’t be able to resist bringing us up."
"Me? You’re the one who brought up pitiful love lives- I just thought you were an integral part of that little story."
The two were moving ever closer, Xander suddenly reconsidered and took a step back.
"What?" Cordelia yelled. "Scared we’ll end up kissing again? Because there’s more chance of me kissing a big blue demon than there is of lip locking with you."
"And you’re so sure of that, are you? I mean, you couldn’t exactly keep your hands off me after the basement incident."
"Temporary, sickening insanity. I’m only glad I got out of it before I fell for you even more."
"Tell me about it, I would never want to have to touch you again, for as long as I live."
They paused.
"You know what’s gonna happen?" Cordelia shouted.
"I know." He shot back. They met in the middle of the room and kissed so hard Cordelia thought she might explode from the sensation. Xander pulled back and looked at her.
"This is bad." He didn’t move away from her yet though.
"Xander, shut up." She kissed him again and grabbed his hand. Pulling away from the kiss, she led him through the house.
She opened the door to her room. He smiled at her, although it was tinged with regret and guilt. There was no turning back though. He grabbed her and kissed her again pushing her gently towards the bed. She moaned with pleasure and pain as the memories flooded back.
Part 7
[Copyright material removed by Moderator]
Xander lay watching Cordelia sleeping. He watched the gentle movement of her chest as she breathed and he smiled. Only for a moment though, before the guilt consumed him again. Xander still couldn’t make up his mind which was worse, that he’d slept with Cordelia, knowing that it would only open old wounds or that he’d betrayed Anya.
Cordelia stirred and began to wake up. She opened her eyes and peered at Xander, trying to open them properly.
"Hey." she said, but it wasn’t happy or hopeful. She looked terrified, as if she had woken from a nightmare.
"Or maybe as if she’s just woken up in one," thought Xander.
She looked up at him and asked "What happens when we get up?"
"I don’t know. But I think it ends." He felt sick as he said it.
Cordelia looked tearful "We just say goodbye and forget about it?"
"Yeah." He smiled at her and wiped away a tear that slid down her face. "Cordelia?"
"Yeah?"
"I loved you."
"I know." She started to cry and he held her as they realised it was the last time he ever would.
Part 8
Cordelia sat at her desk trying to concentrate on her computer’s monitor. Xander was out following a lead from Giles with Wesley and Angel was down in his apartment. She looked at the website she had looked up- Angel had instructed her to look for anything that might indicate vampire activity, and anything that might lead them to Faith.
Cordelia heard the creaking of the elevator from downstairs and looked up to see the vampire coming through the archway.
"Anything?" he asked.
"Apart from my freaky vision? A couple of things that might be Faith related- nothing outrageous. I think she’s trying to keep a low profile." Cordelia frowned "As far as that’s possible for someone like Faith"
Angel smiled "That’s all then? Everything’s ok. Nothing out of the ordinary?" He looked at her pointedly.
Cordelia couldn’t help but smile at her friend "Ok, give me the rundown- how much have you guessed?"
"Let’s see, when you saw Xander you couldn’t figure out whether to smile or hit him. You decided to do both and suddenly the sparring partners were back in business, it was like old times. Suddenly you realise that maybe you’re not as over him as you thought you were and now you can’t figure out what to do next."
"Mostly but you’re about a day behind." The smile vanished.
"Oh, I was wondering what had gone on last night."
"He… had been on the phone to Anya. Then I teased him about not being able to say," she paused uneasily "the three little words. We started fighting, just gently at first and then…" Angel nodded in understanding.
"I don’t know what happened but all of a sudden all that hatred and blame I had for him bubbled over and we were fighting. We were so close, it was just like the first time, and… he must have thought it too because he stepped away. I asked him if he was scared I would kiss him and then we both realised it was going to happen. And it did, and then we… I never loved anyone like I loved him Angel. And I never knew I loved him and I never told him and now he’s in love with someone else." She broke down in sobs as Angel digested this last bit of news.
"He’s in love with Anya?"
"Yeah" she sighed "I don’t even think he knows yet but I can see it. Maybe I’m the reason he can’t see it."
"Maybe he’s the reason that Wesley’s still waiting around for you to see the light." Cordelia’s head snapped up.
"What?" she cried. Angel nodded.
"He cares for you Cordy but he won’t let you see it until you’re ready. Maybe now you will be."
Cordelia shook her head in disbelief "I can’t deal with this right now. I just…" Angel hugged her as she dissolved into tears.
Part 9
Wesley and Xander sat uncomfortably together in Angel’s car. Xander’s mind was elsewhere, thinking about Cordelia, and Anya. Wesley knew that something was wrong but he couldn’t let himself dwell on what that might be.
"So, Wesley," Xander said, dragging himself back to reality "How exactly did you end up fighting demon crime with fang man?"
"I was on the trail of a particularly nasty demon with a penchant for collecting body pieces from… why are you interested anyway?"
"I’m just intrigued to find out how our very own wimpy watcher- whom Angel had about as big a yen for as I did, if I remember right- came to be the vamp’s right hand man." Xander shrugged. "What can I say? Inquiring minds…"
"Well they will continue with that desire. All you need to know is that I’m here now. To stay." Xander glanced up at the older man. He smirked.
"Getting a little possessive now, are we?" After Wesley finished glaring they lapsed back into silence.
Giles’ lead had been a total bust, the only girl who had been beating up people was Inga, the 200 pound bouncer. Wesley had been lucky to get away with his life- Xander had just managed to drag him away from a pulping. "English pride" Xander thought sardonically.
They pulled up outside Angel Investigations and Xander shook his head in ironic disbelief at the name. "I never thought I’d see the day." he thought. Angel was not his idea of a do-gooder private dick. Although the latter definitely had a featured role in his estimation of the vampire’s character.
"He has got the whole Batman bit down though." Xander grinned at the thought of Angel crawling up the side of a building using a grappling hook.
His good humour was quickly dispelled though, as he walked through the door to the offices. Cordelia was filing some information away, looking worn out and drained. Xander had to restrain himself from asking Wesley to punch him, certain that he would be only to happy to oblige. Instead he went over and touched her on the shoulder.
Cordelia turned and smiled at Xander, tearing him up with guilt. She looked past him to Wesley and said "Hey." She sounded distant, and terribly sad. Xander couldn’t get past the idea that he had caused that. He needed to talk to her and sort everything out.
As if sensing the privacy the couple needed Wesley excused himself saying "Best find out what Angel’s up to. He might have found something on… well you know." He coughed, clearly embarrassed and, Xander guessed, unwilling to leave Cordelia to be hurt even further. After a moment he did leave though and the two friends turned to one another, each unwilling to begin the end.
"What happened last night, shouldn’t have happened last night." Xander started.
"Exactly, I mean you have Anya and I…" Cordelia trailed off.
"Have a guy who cares more for you than he probably wants to admit. And I kind of get the feeling you care more for him than you let on too." Xander continued her thought for her.
"You know, Angel told me that I needed closure from you. But I never wanted it to be like this. Actually, I didn’t really want it at all but now that we’re here."
"Big picture time, right?"
"Yeah." Cordelia sighed, sounding as if she might break down in tears at any moment. Xander felt horrible.
"She’s already been through so much, probably more than I even know about and I do this to her? Jerk doesn’t even begin to cover what I am. What kind of a friend am I?" The terminology struck him as strange, Cordelia had always been girlfriend, ex, or mortal enemy to him, she had never been a real friend.
"What is it?" Cordelia asked, expecting the worst.
"I just realised something. Over these last couple of days, we’ve become friends, for the first time really. I mean, before there was always something in the way, but now… And now I’ve gone and messed it all up again."
"Maybe." She spoke softly and thoughtfully. "But maybe it was the right thing to do. You know? Get it over with, finally do what we never had a chance to, put everything in the past."
"That’s a little… harsh and practical. And what about the rest of it? Hurting Anya, and Wesley? Was it worth it?"
"Xander, do you love Anya?"
He paused, taken off guard by the question. Then he met her gaze and said, without hesitation "I do." There was a hint of surprise in his voice as he said it but a smile spread over his face.
"Did you know before last night?" Cordelia steeled herself for the answer.
"Last night, I loved you again for a while then. I’ve never felt as close to anyone as that." Cordelia’s head snapped up as she gazed at him in wonder. "But this morning, before I really woke up, the first thing that went through my head was how much I missed her and how much I wished I could go home." Cordelia watched him, suddenly feeling better. "I do love her but I couldn’t have said it before last night."
"You know what?" Cordelia asked. "I’m having an "It’s a Wonderful Life" moment." she smiled at Xander. He looked amazingly relieved.
"You mean you’re not going to hate me forever and always?"
"Not for this one. Do it again and I might change my mind."
"There’s not much chance of that." He looked at her and they held each other’s gaze for a moment.
"Promise?" Cordelia teased.
Xander grinned evilly "Nope."
Part 10
"My hand won’t hold you down no more
The path is clear to follow through
I stood too long in the way of the door
And now I’m giving up on you."
The scene in the office was peaceful for a moment but then Angel burst in, followed by Wesley.
"You guys made up? Great." Angel didn’t pause to wait for an answer. "We’ve found Faith."
************
Xander followed Angel in the tunnels, Cordelia and Wesley bringing up the rear.
"Nice way to travel Angel. Deep, dark, frightening resemblance to you. I like it, the smell reminds me of the cemetery back home." Xander’s nose was crinkled in disgust.
"Of course, you know about those, having spent so much time in them with your undead pals." Cordelia teased. "Although actually, it was reminding me of that time you almost turned into fish man."
"Ah memories." Xander said, making a convincing attempt at nostalgia. "Anyway, that experience wasn’t all bad."
"True," Cordelia conceded. "Seeing you in those Speedos was worth the smell."
Wesley coughed, obviously wishing to stop this conversation in its tracks "Anyway…"
************
The foursome arrived at the Hospital and looked up at the imposing building. Wordlessly they entered the building and Wesley and Cordelia ventured up to the reception desk to ask for details of Faith.
"You know, the last time we were in one of these places together…" Xander began.
"I remember." Angel stopped him.
"Always wondered how that one worked you know." Xander said thoughtfully "I mean, how do you remember what Angelus did? I know, I know, you share the same body and so the same brain but it just doesn’t sit well. I mean at least the memories should only be faint. But they’re pretty vivid, aren’t they?"
"Yeah, I remember everything I did. Every victim’s beg for mercy, everyone I turned. Everyone who stood up to me." The vampire looked at the boy meaningfully.
"Ok, just don’t go into detail about the gruesome murders part." Angel couldn’t hold back a smile.
"Now there’s something we don’t see much of, Dead Boy smiling. Well, see something new every day I guess."
"Not for much longer I expect." Xander turned to see Wesley and Cordelia returning, their faces grim.
"It’s not good?" Xander asked.
"It’s not good." Cordelia asserted softly.
************
Xander went in first, after insisting that he should be allowed to. After all, he had reasoned to Angel, what harm could she do him right now?
After Cordelia and Wesley had returned to them Xander’s first thought had been that Faith was a vegetable again. Fortunately it wasn’t anywhere near as bad. In fact, she had only sustained a few bruises, a broken arm and a bad cut on the front of her head. The bad news was how she had gotten them.
"I knew I was right about her. There’s no way that she could have done a Darth Vader." Cordelia hissed.
"Sshh," Wesley said "It’s not important any more."
Xander went to stand beside the bed and looked down on the pale girl in the bed. Angel stood on the other side and Cordelia and Wesley took the seats. Xander looked over to Angel who nodded. Xander shook Faith gently and looked down at her as she opened her eyes.
"Hey. Long time no see." Xander frowned at the slayer "You feeling ok. Cos I’m really looking forward to kicking the s**t out of you."
"Xander." Angel said warningly.
"Oh boy. The whole gang, right?" Faith said weakly. "Yup, Xander, Angel, Cordelia and Wesley. Some welcoming party." Faith winced.
"Not feeling so good?" Cordelia asked, obviously not caring. "Well good. I’m only upset that they didn’t break more of your bones."
"Guess I deserved that."
"You guess right Faith." Wesley said coldly. "You just don’t change do you?"
"Sometimes it takes a lot." Angel said softly.
"And some of us haven’t been possessed by an evil demon." Xander looked pointedly at Faith "Some of us have a choice."
"So what did you expect? You wanted me to just get over it? Go back to being the second string slayer and make a big song and dance about how happy I am? It wasn’t going to happen you know."
"Yeah, but the thought of you negotiating with those corporate suit guys? You never struck me as the lawyer type Faith." Cordelia’s tone was spiteful in the extreme.
"Actually, the thought of you complying with any part of the law is laughable." Xander had been filled in about Wolfram and Hart on the ride up to the ward.
"Those guys aren’t exactly 100% lawful themselves." Angel told him.
"Well, I wouldn’t deal with any law firm that represents vampires. Although I bet they’re better than whiny mini-skirted neurotics." Xander grinned, automatically trying to lighten the mood. "Sorry. Reflex."
The slayer looked exhausted and upset, as if she might break into tears at any moment. "Look," she said "You guys don’t have to be here right now. So I’ve done wrong, so what’s new?"
"What’s new is that we want to help." The others turned to stare at Angel.
"We meaning you and nobody else?" Xander asked him incredulously.
"Help me?" Faith’s tone was almost as disbelieving "Why- I was trying to kill you."
"Again." Cordelia put in sardonically.
"Again." Faith affirmed. "Why on earth would you want to help me?"
"Because he knows what it’s like." Wesley said, understanding his friend’s intentions. "And because he believes that if he can help you then there’s hope for him." Angel looked away but the truth of it was written on his face.
"We should go." Angel’s gaze returned to the group. "Faith’s not going anywhere, and we can come back tomorrow."
The slayer was already beginning to fall asleep again as they left the room and started towards the exit.
Part 11
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"That was Giles on the phone." Xander came back into the living room. The whole group was congregated at Cordelia’s apartment. "He says that stuff is happening back home and they could do with my help. Obviously I protested as I am quite clearly the most useless part of the group," Xander grinned "But he insisted I come back immediately. I think he just misses the company of a guy."
"Who’s alive." Cordelia said teasingly.
"Well, despite the fact that I think Giles actually likes Spike more than he lets on," Angel raised his eyebrows "Hey, you know the guy’s not so bad once you put an implant in his head so he can’t hurt anyone. Anyway, the point is that I’m about to blow this popsicle stand."
"Now?" Cordelia asked.
"Yeah, if I leave right now I can make it home for nightfall. You know, say hey to everyone, kick some demon ass, check the mail."
"See that certain special someone…" Cordelia was the picture of innocence.
"So, I suppose we should say our goodbyes then?" Wesley rose and smiled at Xander. He may have been glad the boy was leaving, but that was only to get rid of the competition. Xander had in fact been a good influence on all three friends, he could see. He wouldn’t be entirely happy to see him go.
"Yeah, goodbye Wes." Xander grabbed his hand.
"Please don’t call me that."
"Ah, reminds me of home." Xander shared an evil smirk with Cordelia and then turned towards the vampire on the sofa.
"Angel."
"Xander."
"Hope I don’t see you for a long, long time."
"Feeling’s completely mutual." The two men grinned at each other.
"Be careful with Faith, ok?" Xander warned.
"Yeah, I will be."
Then Angel, sensing that maybe Xander and Cordelia’s goodbyes should be private, excused himself. Wesley followed suit, for once not hesitating.
"So," Cordelia said sheepishly.
"Some ride, huh?"
"Yeah, something like that. I’ll miss you."
"Yeah, me too. Not too much though, right?"
"Nah, couldn’t have that. Xander Harris and Cordelia Chase friends? Not in a million years." The two smiled at each other and stepped in for a hug. Then they pulled back, quickly, knowing it was still a dangerous position.
"Xander?" Cordelia said.
"Uh huh."
"Promise me something."
"Anything."
"Tell her." Cordelia looked at him seriously. "Don’t leave it any longer, or you lose them and never get a chance." She thought of the fact that it had happened twice now.
"Some experience speaking there."
"Some experience listening too."
"I promise. On one condition."
"Which is?" Cordelia asked.
"Let Wesley know you’d be open to the offer of dinner and a show. Or whatever." He had caught her smirk.
"Ok, I’ll let him know. Although I don’t think it’ll end up as a real date." Xander looked at her questioningly. "Oh, he’ll pay all right. He just doesn’t seem like the groping type." she deadpanned.
"It was always the other way round with us, wasn’t it?"
"Now, no getting nostalgic on me."
"There was nothing in the contract about no memories." Xander protested.
"Ok, I’ll let you away with those." Cordelia grinned.
"So, this is goodbye, huh?" Xander asked.
"Yeah. Painful, isn’t it?" Cordelia’s smile was filled with sadness.
"I’ll see you some time." Xander said, with the hint of tears on the edge of his voice.
"Yeah." Cordelia was nearer to weeping.
Then he turned to head towards the door, picking up his bag from next to it. Cordelia began to cry for real and he turned, tears falling down his face too.
"Promise?" he asked.
"Of course." she responded. "Promise?"
"Of course." He smiled. Then he was gone. Cordelia collapsed on the chair, in tears.
Wesley came back out and took one look at her before he had crossed the room and taken her in his arms.
"It’s ok. It’ll be ok." he promised her.
"Promise?" She laughed through her tears.
"Yes."
"Wesley?"
"Yes Cordelia?"
"Do you like shows?"
Part 12
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Xander arrived back in Sunnydale after nightfall. He didn’t bother to head for his parents’, instead going straight to Giles’ place. He walked straight through the door to find everyone there.
"Xander!" Buffy and Willow cried from their positions on the sofa as Anya jumped up and ran towards him. He hugged her hard.
"Hello Xander," Giles said "Everything ok in LA?" Spike just waved lazily at him.
"Yes. Everything’s taken care of. Hey there." Xander was still holding tight to Anya.
"Hi." she smiled up at him. "What took you so long?"
"I had some unfinished business." Buffy looked quizzically at her friend but he mouthed Later at her. She nodded.
"So, what’s this thing that you need me so desperately for?"
"Oh, a new demon has surfaced, we could do with your help."
"Mine?" Xander looked doubtful. "You guys usually cope without me."
"Kid has a point," Spike interjected, earning an evil look from Xander and the others. "Nah, I’m only kidding, they actually do need you around here."
"Ok, what have you guys done with the real Spike?"
"Nope, this is him. Maybe that implant has really far reaching effects." Buffy guessed.
"Oh well, hand me a book. I’ll look stuff up." Xander steered himself and Anya towards the sofa. As they sat he said to her "Hey, I love you." She stared at him stunned as the others smiled and Spike made gagging noises. Giles began to shake his head as the girls giggled when Xander kissed Anya.
"Ugh." Spike groaned. "Please, someone get them a room."
Anya and Xander were oblivious.
The accompanying lyrics are taken from Fiona Apple’s "Love Ridden". It doesn’t matter if you don’t know the song, the words speak for themselves.
Part 6
[Copyright material removed by moderator]
Cordelia turned the key to her apartment and opened the door. She stepped into the room, followed by Xander who was finishing up a conversation on his mobile. Well, Anya’s mobile- she’d lent it to him so she could keep in touch. Xander was saying goodbye as he walked into the apartment.
"I know. Of course I miss you." He listened to the voice on the other end and smiled. "Yeah he tends to do that, just smile and nod, he usually gets to a point without resorting to a globe." Cordelia grinned and mouthed Giles? at Xander who nodded and returned to the phone.
"I shouldn’t be here too much longer." He cringed slightly and said, obviously dodging whatever Anya had said "Yeah, me too. Oops, gotta go, evil slayers to hunt." His face softened as he listened again.
"Yeah, I’ll see you soon. Bye." Looking as if he would have liked to say something else, Xander hung up the phone. He stuck it in his pocket and gazed appreciatively round the room.
"So, you earn a pittance fighting evil and haven’t had an acting job for three months. Have you sold your soul to a real estate guy?"
"Nope, although maybe Angel should start taking care of them too. Actually, it was going on the cheap cos no-one else wanted it."
"What?" Xander asked "Was it haunted?"
"Pretty much." Xander tripped over a chair and landed on the floor.
Without bothering to get up he said "Ok, Cordelia Chase is living with Casper. The idea of you and a roommate is hard enough but a ghost? Don’t you get enough of undead guys at work?"
"He’s ok, plus he’s out a lot. It’s really not a problem."
"Oh, of course. Because he’s usually out with his ectoplasmic friends, enjoying a drink in the bar. Are you insane?"
"Well, I’m letting you stay in the house so the general consensus would be yeah. And are you ever going to get off the floor? Honestly, you’re the guy who killed 3 vamps this afternoon whilst saving a slayer in the process?"
"Well you know, I saved your ass too. Not that I heard a word of gratitude. Queen C really hasn’t changed has she?"
"But you, your transformation since high school has been astounding. From slacker to waster- real nice job there Xand."
"At least I have some kind of life, I mean what do you do Cordy, work for Angel all day, go out with Angel at night, answer Angel’s every beck and call. Are we seeing a pattern here?"
"You know, I do more than that."
"Oh yeah, you get blinding headaches to receive some incomprehensible message from the gods. Not forgetting the working up of some sexual tension with failed watcher boy."
"Yeah, cos your love life’s a big success story. Let’s see, praying mantis, mummy dearest, some sexual tension with hacker girl and the slayer- the latter being so unrequited- then of course there’s Anya. Former scourge of the Y-carrying world turned stalker. Who you still can’t say those three little words to. What’s up Xander- are you scared or something?"
"Don’t forget you. The rich bitch, dated every human in trousers, superiority complex the size of Texas girlfriend from hell. Maybe being with you just scared me off relationships completely."
"I knew this was a mistake." The two moved in closer and glared at each other. "I knew that you wouldn’t be able to resist bringing us up."
"Me? You’re the one who brought up pitiful love lives- I just thought you were an integral part of that little story."
The two were moving ever closer, Xander suddenly reconsidered and took a step back.
"What?" Cordelia yelled. "Scared we’ll end up kissing again? Because there’s more chance of me kissing a big blue demon than there is of lip locking with you."
"And you’re so sure of that, are you? I mean, you couldn’t exactly keep your hands off me after the basement incident."
"Temporary, sickening insanity. I’m only glad I got out of it before I fell for you even more."
"Tell me about it, I would never want to have to touch you again, for as long as I live."
They paused.
"You know what’s gonna happen?" Cordelia shouted.
"I know." He shot back. They met in the middle of the room and kissed so hard Cordelia thought she might explode from the sensation. Xander pulled back and looked at her.
"This is bad." He didn’t move away from her yet though.
"Xander, shut up." She kissed him again and grabbed his hand. Pulling away from the kiss, she led him through the house.
She opened the door to her room. He smiled at her, although it was tinged with regret and guilt. There was no turning back though. He grabbed her and kissed her again pushing her gently towards the bed. She moaned with pleasure and pain as the memories flooded back.
Part 7
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Xander lay watching Cordelia sleeping. He watched the gentle movement of her chest as she breathed and he smiled. Only for a moment though, before the guilt consumed him again. Xander still couldn’t make up his mind which was worse, that he’d slept with Cordelia, knowing that it would only open old wounds or that he’d betrayed Anya.
Cordelia stirred and began to wake up. She opened her eyes and peered at Xander, trying to open them properly.
"Hey." she said, but it wasn’t happy or hopeful. She looked terrified, as if she had woken from a nightmare.
"Or maybe as if she’s just woken up in one," thought Xander.
She looked up at him and asked "What happens when we get up?"
"I don’t know. But I think it ends." He felt sick as he said it.
Cordelia looked tearful "We just say goodbye and forget about it?"
"Yeah." He smiled at her and wiped away a tear that slid down her face. "Cordelia?"
"Yeah?"
"I loved you."
"I know." She started to cry and he held her as they realised it was the last time he ever would.
Part 8
Cordelia sat at her desk trying to concentrate on her computer’s monitor. Xander was out following a lead from Giles with Wesley and Angel was down in his apartment. She looked at the website she had looked up- Angel had instructed her to look for anything that might indicate vampire activity, and anything that might lead them to Faith.
Cordelia heard the creaking of the elevator from downstairs and looked up to see the vampire coming through the archway.
"Anything?" he asked.
"Apart from my freaky vision? A couple of things that might be Faith related- nothing outrageous. I think she’s trying to keep a low profile." Cordelia frowned "As far as that’s possible for someone like Faith"
Angel smiled "That’s all then? Everything’s ok. Nothing out of the ordinary?" He looked at her pointedly.
Cordelia couldn’t help but smile at her friend "Ok, give me the rundown- how much have you guessed?"
"Let’s see, when you saw Xander you couldn’t figure out whether to smile or hit him. You decided to do both and suddenly the sparring partners were back in business, it was like old times. Suddenly you realise that maybe you’re not as over him as you thought you were and now you can’t figure out what to do next."
"Mostly but you’re about a day behind." The smile vanished.
"Oh, I was wondering what had gone on last night."
"He… had been on the phone to Anya. Then I teased him about not being able to say," she paused uneasily "the three little words. We started fighting, just gently at first and then…" Angel nodded in understanding.
"I don’t know what happened but all of a sudden all that hatred and blame I had for him bubbled over and we were fighting. We were so close, it was just like the first time, and… he must have thought it too because he stepped away. I asked him if he was scared I would kiss him and then we both realised it was going to happen. And it did, and then we… I never loved anyone like I loved him Angel. And I never knew I loved him and I never told him and now he’s in love with someone else." She broke down in sobs as Angel digested this last bit of news.
"He’s in love with Anya?"
"Yeah" she sighed "I don’t even think he knows yet but I can see it. Maybe I’m the reason he can’t see it."
"Maybe he’s the reason that Wesley’s still waiting around for you to see the light." Cordelia’s head snapped up.
"What?" she cried. Angel nodded.
"He cares for you Cordy but he won’t let you see it until you’re ready. Maybe now you will be."
Cordelia shook her head in disbelief "I can’t deal with this right now. I just…" Angel hugged her as she dissolved into tears.
Part 9
Wesley and Xander sat uncomfortably together in Angel’s car. Xander’s mind was elsewhere, thinking about Cordelia, and Anya. Wesley knew that something was wrong but he couldn’t let himself dwell on what that might be.
"So, Wesley," Xander said, dragging himself back to reality "How exactly did you end up fighting demon crime with fang man?"
"I was on the trail of a particularly nasty demon with a penchant for collecting body pieces from… why are you interested anyway?"
"I’m just intrigued to find out how our very own wimpy watcher- whom Angel had about as big a yen for as I did, if I remember right- came to be the vamp’s right hand man." Xander shrugged. "What can I say? Inquiring minds…"
"Well they will continue with that desire. All you need to know is that I’m here now. To stay." Xander glanced up at the older man. He smirked.
"Getting a little possessive now, are we?" After Wesley finished glaring they lapsed back into silence.
Giles’ lead had been a total bust, the only girl who had been beating up people was Inga, the 200 pound bouncer. Wesley had been lucky to get away with his life- Xander had just managed to drag him away from a pulping. "English pride" Xander thought sardonically.
They pulled up outside Angel Investigations and Xander shook his head in ironic disbelief at the name. "I never thought I’d see the day." he thought. Angel was not his idea of a do-gooder private dick. Although the latter definitely had a featured role in his estimation of the vampire’s character.
"He has got the whole Batman bit down though." Xander grinned at the thought of Angel crawling up the side of a building using a grappling hook.
His good humour was quickly dispelled though, as he walked through the door to the offices. Cordelia was filing some information away, looking worn out and drained. Xander had to restrain himself from asking Wesley to punch him, certain that he would be only to happy to oblige. Instead he went over and touched her on the shoulder.
Cordelia turned and smiled at Xander, tearing him up with guilt. She looked past him to Wesley and said "Hey." She sounded distant, and terribly sad. Xander couldn’t get past the idea that he had caused that. He needed to talk to her and sort everything out.
As if sensing the privacy the couple needed Wesley excused himself saying "Best find out what Angel’s up to. He might have found something on… well you know." He coughed, clearly embarrassed and, Xander guessed, unwilling to leave Cordelia to be hurt even further. After a moment he did leave though and the two friends turned to one another, each unwilling to begin the end.
"What happened last night, shouldn’t have happened last night." Xander started.
"Exactly, I mean you have Anya and I…" Cordelia trailed off.
"Have a guy who cares more for you than he probably wants to admit. And I kind of get the feeling you care more for him than you let on too." Xander continued her thought for her.
"You know, Angel told me that I needed closure from you. But I never wanted it to be like this. Actually, I didn’t really want it at all but now that we’re here."
"Big picture time, right?"
"Yeah." Cordelia sighed, sounding as if she might break down in tears at any moment. Xander felt horrible.
"She’s already been through so much, probably more than I even know about and I do this to her? Jerk doesn’t even begin to cover what I am. What kind of a friend am I?" The terminology struck him as strange, Cordelia had always been girlfriend, ex, or mortal enemy to him, she had never been a real friend.
"What is it?" Cordelia asked, expecting the worst.
"I just realised something. Over these last couple of days, we’ve become friends, for the first time really. I mean, before there was always something in the way, but now… And now I’ve gone and messed it all up again."
"Maybe." She spoke softly and thoughtfully. "But maybe it was the right thing to do. You know? Get it over with, finally do what we never had a chance to, put everything in the past."
"That’s a little… harsh and practical. And what about the rest of it? Hurting Anya, and Wesley? Was it worth it?"
"Xander, do you love Anya?"
He paused, taken off guard by the question. Then he met her gaze and said, without hesitation "I do." There was a hint of surprise in his voice as he said it but a smile spread over his face.
"Did you know before last night?" Cordelia steeled herself for the answer.
"Last night, I loved you again for a while then. I’ve never felt as close to anyone as that." Cordelia’s head snapped up as she gazed at him in wonder. "But this morning, before I really woke up, the first thing that went through my head was how much I missed her and how much I wished I could go home." Cordelia watched him, suddenly feeling better. "I do love her but I couldn’t have said it before last night."
"You know what?" Cordelia asked. "I’m having an "It’s a Wonderful Life" moment." she smiled at Xander. He looked amazingly relieved.
"You mean you’re not going to hate me forever and always?"
"Not for this one. Do it again and I might change my mind."
"There’s not much chance of that." He looked at her and they held each other’s gaze for a moment.
"Promise?" Cordelia teased.
Xander grinned evilly "Nope."
Part 10
"My hand won’t hold you down no more
The path is clear to follow through
I stood too long in the way of the door
And now I’m giving up on you."
The scene in the office was peaceful for a moment but then Angel burst in, followed by Wesley.
"You guys made up? Great." Angel didn’t pause to wait for an answer. "We’ve found Faith."
************
Xander followed Angel in the tunnels, Cordelia and Wesley bringing up the rear.
"Nice way to travel Angel. Deep, dark, frightening resemblance to you. I like it, the smell reminds me of the cemetery back home." Xander’s nose was crinkled in disgust.
"Of course, you know about those, having spent so much time in them with your undead pals." Cordelia teased. "Although actually, it was reminding me of that time you almost turned into fish man."
"Ah memories." Xander said, making a convincing attempt at nostalgia. "Anyway, that experience wasn’t all bad."
"True," Cordelia conceded. "Seeing you in those Speedos was worth the smell."
Wesley coughed, obviously wishing to stop this conversation in its tracks "Anyway…"
************
The foursome arrived at the Hospital and looked up at the imposing building. Wordlessly they entered the building and Wesley and Cordelia ventured up to the reception desk to ask for details of Faith.
"You know, the last time we were in one of these places together…" Xander began.
"I remember." Angel stopped him.
"Always wondered how that one worked you know." Xander said thoughtfully "I mean, how do you remember what Angelus did? I know, I know, you share the same body and so the same brain but it just doesn’t sit well. I mean at least the memories should only be faint. But they’re pretty vivid, aren’t they?"
"Yeah, I remember everything I did. Every victim’s beg for mercy, everyone I turned. Everyone who stood up to me." The vampire looked at the boy meaningfully.
"Ok, just don’t go into detail about the gruesome murders part." Angel couldn’t hold back a smile.
"Now there’s something we don’t see much of, Dead Boy smiling. Well, see something new every day I guess."
"Not for much longer I expect." Xander turned to see Wesley and Cordelia returning, their faces grim.
"It’s not good?" Xander asked.
"It’s not good." Cordelia asserted softly.
************
Xander went in first, after insisting that he should be allowed to. After all, he had reasoned to Angel, what harm could she do him right now?
After Cordelia and Wesley had returned to them Xander’s first thought had been that Faith was a vegetable again. Fortunately it wasn’t anywhere near as bad. In fact, she had only sustained a few bruises, a broken arm and a bad cut on the front of her head. The bad news was how she had gotten them.
"I knew I was right about her. There’s no way that she could have done a Darth Vader." Cordelia hissed.
"Sshh," Wesley said "It’s not important any more."
Xander went to stand beside the bed and looked down on the pale girl in the bed. Angel stood on the other side and Cordelia and Wesley took the seats. Xander looked over to Angel who nodded. Xander shook Faith gently and looked down at her as she opened her eyes.
"Hey. Long time no see." Xander frowned at the slayer "You feeling ok. Cos I’m really looking forward to kicking the s**t out of you."
"Xander." Angel said warningly.
"Oh boy. The whole gang, right?" Faith said weakly. "Yup, Xander, Angel, Cordelia and Wesley. Some welcoming party." Faith winced.
"Not feeling so good?" Cordelia asked, obviously not caring. "Well good. I’m only upset that they didn’t break more of your bones."
"Guess I deserved that."
"You guess right Faith." Wesley said coldly. "You just don’t change do you?"
"Sometimes it takes a lot." Angel said softly.
"And some of us haven’t been possessed by an evil demon." Xander looked pointedly at Faith "Some of us have a choice."
"So what did you expect? You wanted me to just get over it? Go back to being the second string slayer and make a big song and dance about how happy I am? It wasn’t going to happen you know."
"Yeah, but the thought of you negotiating with those corporate suit guys? You never struck me as the lawyer type Faith." Cordelia’s tone was spiteful in the extreme.
"Actually, the thought of you complying with any part of the law is laughable." Xander had been filled in about Wolfram and Hart on the ride up to the ward.
"Those guys aren’t exactly 100% lawful themselves." Angel told him.
"Well, I wouldn’t deal with any law firm that represents vampires. Although I bet they’re better than whiny mini-skirted neurotics." Xander grinned, automatically trying to lighten the mood. "Sorry. Reflex."
The slayer looked exhausted and upset, as if she might break into tears at any moment. "Look," she said "You guys don’t have to be here right now. So I’ve done wrong, so what’s new?"
"What’s new is that we want to help." The others turned to stare at Angel.
"We meaning you and nobody else?" Xander asked him incredulously.
"Help me?" Faith’s tone was almost as disbelieving "Why- I was trying to kill you."
"Again." Cordelia put in sardonically.
"Again." Faith affirmed. "Why on earth would you want to help me?"
"Because he knows what it’s like." Wesley said, understanding his friend’s intentions. "And because he believes that if he can help you then there’s hope for him." Angel looked away but the truth of it was written on his face.
"We should go." Angel’s gaze returned to the group. "Faith’s not going anywhere, and we can come back tomorrow."
The slayer was already beginning to fall asleep again as they left the room and started towards the exit.
Part 11
[Copyright material removed by moderator]
"That was Giles on the phone." Xander came back into the living room. The whole group was congregated at Cordelia’s apartment. "He says that stuff is happening back home and they could do with my help. Obviously I protested as I am quite clearly the most useless part of the group," Xander grinned "But he insisted I come back immediately. I think he just misses the company of a guy."
"Who’s alive." Cordelia said teasingly.
"Well, despite the fact that I think Giles actually likes Spike more than he lets on," Angel raised his eyebrows "Hey, you know the guy’s not so bad once you put an implant in his head so he can’t hurt anyone. Anyway, the point is that I’m about to blow this popsicle stand."
"Now?" Cordelia asked.
"Yeah, if I leave right now I can make it home for nightfall. You know, say hey to everyone, kick some demon ass, check the mail."
"See that certain special someone…" Cordelia was the picture of innocence.
"So, I suppose we should say our goodbyes then?" Wesley rose and smiled at Xander. He may have been glad the boy was leaving, but that was only to get rid of the competition. Xander had in fact been a good influence on all three friends, he could see. He wouldn’t be entirely happy to see him go.
"Yeah, goodbye Wes." Xander grabbed his hand.
"Please don’t call me that."
"Ah, reminds me of home." Xander shared an evil smirk with Cordelia and then turned towards the vampire on the sofa.
"Angel."
"Xander."
"Hope I don’t see you for a long, long time."
"Feeling’s completely mutual." The two men grinned at each other.
"Be careful with Faith, ok?" Xander warned.
"Yeah, I will be."
Then Angel, sensing that maybe Xander and Cordelia’s goodbyes should be private, excused himself. Wesley followed suit, for once not hesitating.
"So," Cordelia said sheepishly.
"Some ride, huh?"
"Yeah, something like that. I’ll miss you."
"Yeah, me too. Not too much though, right?"
"Nah, couldn’t have that. Xander Harris and Cordelia Chase friends? Not in a million years." The two smiled at each other and stepped in for a hug. Then they pulled back, quickly, knowing it was still a dangerous position.
"Xander?" Cordelia said.
"Uh huh."
"Promise me something."
"Anything."
"Tell her." Cordelia looked at him seriously. "Don’t leave it any longer, or you lose them and never get a chance." She thought of the fact that it had happened twice now.
"Some experience speaking there."
"Some experience listening too."
"I promise. On one condition."
"Which is?" Cordelia asked.
"Let Wesley know you’d be open to the offer of dinner and a show. Or whatever." He had caught her smirk.
"Ok, I’ll let him know. Although I don’t think it’ll end up as a real date." Xander looked at her questioningly. "Oh, he’ll pay all right. He just doesn’t seem like the groping type." she deadpanned.
"It was always the other way round with us, wasn’t it?"
"Now, no getting nostalgic on me."
"There was nothing in the contract about no memories." Xander protested.
"Ok, I’ll let you away with those." Cordelia grinned.
"So, this is goodbye, huh?" Xander asked.
"Yeah. Painful, isn’t it?" Cordelia’s smile was filled with sadness.
"I’ll see you some time." Xander said, with the hint of tears on the edge of his voice.
"Yeah." Cordelia was nearer to weeping.
Then he turned to head towards the door, picking up his bag from next to it. Cordelia began to cry for real and he turned, tears falling down his face too.
"Promise?" he asked.
"Of course." she responded. "Promise?"
"Of course." He smiled. Then he was gone. Cordelia collapsed on the chair, in tears.
Wesley came back out and took one look at her before he had crossed the room and taken her in his arms.
"It’s ok. It’ll be ok." he promised her.
"Promise?" She laughed through her tears.
"Yes."
"Wesley?"
"Yes Cordelia?"
"Do you like shows?"
Part 12
[Copyright material removed by moderator]
Xander arrived back in Sunnydale after nightfall. He didn’t bother to head for his parents’, instead going straight to Giles’ place. He walked straight through the door to find everyone there.
"Xander!" Buffy and Willow cried from their positions on the sofa as Anya jumped up and ran towards him. He hugged her hard.
"Hello Xander," Giles said "Everything ok in LA?" Spike just waved lazily at him.
"Yes. Everything’s taken care of. Hey there." Xander was still holding tight to Anya.
"Hi." she smiled up at him. "What took you so long?"
"I had some unfinished business." Buffy looked quizzically at her friend but he mouthed Later at her. She nodded.
"So, what’s this thing that you need me so desperately for?"
"Oh, a new demon has surfaced, we could do with your help."
"Mine?" Xander looked doubtful. "You guys usually cope without me."
"Kid has a point," Spike interjected, earning an evil look from Xander and the others. "Nah, I’m only kidding, they actually do need you around here."
"Ok, what have you guys done with the real Spike?"
"Nope, this is him. Maybe that implant has really far reaching effects." Buffy guessed.
"Oh well, hand me a book. I’ll look stuff up." Xander steered himself and Anya towards the sofa. As they sat he said to her "Hey, I love you." She stared at him stunned as the others smiled and Spike made gagging noises. Giles began to shake his head as the girls giggled when Xander kissed Anya.
"Ugh." Spike groaned. "Please, someone get them a room."
Anya and Xander were oblivious.
