Townies

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A Townie is an unfortunate individual. This sub-species of what may loosely be termed humanity can be found in its natural habitat of small British towns with pretensions to metropolis-hood. They are often found in passive herds (correctly called 'swarms') on street corners and on benches where they remain still and discuss futile topics with low IQs. Come nightfall, they are transformed into beings of frenzied activity, patronising many pubs, clubs and public lavatories.

They communicate in monosyllabic grunts and should not be approached without protective gear. A Townie can be recognised by its regalia of designer (obscure) sportswear in vile (Nature's warning) colours, which it almost certainly cannot afford to obtain legitimately.

They can, in rare circumstances, become valued members of society, particularly in the trade of sewing mailbags.


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