h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Its a sad day indeed *sniffs* but the Celery is dead. This is the funeral precession headed down to the chapel in the woods where they will be buried after a short service. Please get in line, RedBeard may have the honour of pallbearer.

*enters with Dolores*
Thanks, Joe. I'd love to, but I've got Dolores with me, and I need to stay with her.

{{Dolores: Oh, now this is fun! I feel like... who was it? Tom Sawyer? Huck Finn? Getting to attend my own funeral! Do you think I'd be allowed to say a few words about myself? hee, hee! 'She wobbled well' Will there be a dance afterward? Oh, we've really got to get The Celery. He's got to see this. He could deliver a really good eulogy! Come on, Redbeard, please???? [she wobbles to get Redbeard's attention]}}

Oh, all right, Dolores. Let's go talk to him. But you know he's busy.

{{Dolores: Goody! We'll hurry back, Joe. Don't start without us! hee, hee}}

* they leave *

This probably sounds like a stupid question but why were you talking to yourself?

Don't worry Joe...watch this...

*the version of Dolores which Rb just brought back from the dead vanishes*

See!? I did tell my Watch to eliminate all reincarnations of the two fakes, didn't I?

OK, folks, I'd just like to inform you, before Rb gets his, ahem, facts wrong again, that this is a real funeral, neither The Celery or Webjello are here, or will be here, or have been here since their deaths.
You can all grieve now!

A man, dapper in red speedos enters.

I see, in the Big C's words, neither The Celery or Webjello are here, or will be here, so it must just be an excuse for a party.

Raises arms, throws beer in the air, starts an everlasting "Mexican Wave".

*Returns with pretzels, crisps, popcorn, and more beer.
Sets up a lawn chair with a good view of the Bruce Monument.*

Hi, Loony. Care for a snack? Nice day in the park.

Loony finsishes his two-mile swim in the river and joins Redbeard on the park's riverbank.

A snack, thanks. And cold beer. It doesn't get much better than this.

That's for sure. It's such a beautiful park. Joe's done a great job with it.

*grabs some pretzels and another beer.*

How's the water?

Crystal clear now that they have removed the pollutants
like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

Oh, that's nice! It's so much easier to swim without the dead sheep and canoeists. And the sand always gets into everything.

What about the fishermen in loud shirts and beer bellies who drive around with powerful boat motors that leak oil and who toss empties in the river? Were they able to clean them out?

*opens another beer, careful to put the empty one in the trash*

Are they dead or arent they????

Nope. They chose not to be dead at this point.

Dying is voluntary here, don't you know? No taxes either.

*opens another beer*
Ahhhh, that's nice.

I guess nothing's certain. Except this beer

*steals the beer and glugs it down*

nope, on h2g2 not even _beer_ is certain.

Sounds like an interesting advertising slogan

Aarrrgghh! My beer!

You mean.. .. Not even beer is certain?

*grabs another beer*
Ahhh...

*arrives fashionably late*
Dang, Loony, isn't it a bit early in the season for speedos?

So this is the ideal park, eh? They give Thorazine to the fire ants?
*nabs a beer from the cooler next to Redbeard's lawn chair*
Ow!!!
rb, you should have warned me you're taking the cats around with you! *displays small scratch on back of hand* Got your beer under guard, eh?

So. Death in h2g2 is an interesting concept. Maybe we ought to have some guidelines on virtual death. Maybe this is a good place to discuss it, at a funeral with no bodies.

Hi, Lil!

I seem to have cats around me a lot these days. These aren't mine, actually. Jean-Luc and Falstaff don't leave the ship, and Falstaff is particularly hesitant about even leaving the bedroom these days. Ever since the incident when Falstaff was kidnapped, I seem to collect strays. These two just ambled up a little while ago and sat down by my cooler. Notice that the markings are a little bit different than mine.

I think they sense the concern I've had about Falstaff. It's really quite comforting.

So, we're talking about death, huh? Such a fun topic on a nice day!

Well then, what ... *opens cooler gingerly: Diogenes jumps out* Dio!
*looks closely inside cooler* Aha! A rift. I've heard of offline storage but this is ridiculous.

*Dio discovers a cricket and begins to stalk it*

Diogenes learned about rifts when Odra fell through that one in the cafe that Bahb made, remember that? Odra showed up at the atelier last night after terrible struggles with her software, and lo and behold, Diogenes rushes up to her. He had been lurking around the salon the whole time and I didn't know it.

Now he's evidently found a way to keep with people he knows while Odra is away...

*unfolds her beach chair, sits down*

*digs down in the cooler*

Aahhh, root beer, my favorite.

I love watching cats stalk. It's so incredible! They really are amazing.

Mine love to stalk each other. Diogenes is doing quite well -- got the moves on that cricket!

Mine used to give it away before she pounced. She would get so excited that her lips would start to twitch and she would make odd snarky noises.