h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Actually, you'd be more likely to run into Freud.

There is a novel called "The Eyre Affair" written by Jasper Fforde. Jane Eyre was kidnapped out of her novel - which of course made it rather strange reading. The book features a female detective/agent named Thursday Next. The novel is a mixture of mystery, science fiction and satire. Anyway, it's funny and innovative and what we're trying to do here is make sure that all of the literary characters stay where they belong.

Have you tried using some of that bookbinding glue y'all keep behind the counter?

B4igetcaughtinaliteraryrift

But it would be rather fun to drop into a novel. Just think of the fun to be had in Mansfield Park, or boating with Ratty.

I could see myself hangin' out with Pooh and Piglet and Tigger in the Hundred Acre Wood; or maybe helping Peter, Susan, Edmund, and Lucy vanquish a few foes while defending Cair Paravel.

But I don't think I'd stand a gnat's chance, if plopped into the middle of even one of the skirmishes of Middle Earth...

Maybe just a leisurely jaunt across the galaxy with Ford and Tricia McMillan in their 'blue suede' spaceship, Ford-E2...

B4igiveitaway

The way it works in the fForde books is that, if you drop into a novel and interact with any of the characters when the characters themselves are "on stage", then you will appear in the book as well. Imagine what your friends will think.

*peers through the viewing window into the rift*

Everything looks safe and in it's proper place. I think we're ready to open for business. *crosses fingers* Eleven has been busy on other projects, but he promised to train a bot to act as a library assistant.

*hears someone rolling down the corridor toward the library*

That must be them now!

*Eleven enters followed by a very fat,shiny robot*

R2D2?

*Looks around the newly redecorated portal.*

It's much better to have the microwave and fridge in here. I've always worried about food in the library. I cleaned enough peanut butter off of books already, thank you very much. Of course there was already a comfy couch and chairs for our rift viewers. All I need now is a wet bar and I could stay in here until Matina gets back.

The Farmer's Wife doesn't know the password to get in.

*tries to think of an obscure novel with a wet bar no one would miss*

[B4] --minute.

::Suddenly, a very LARGE Induhvidual topples into the scene, regains his balance, and stands upright. Towers upright would more accurately describe the effect. However, in the spaciousness of the library and due to his arrival in close proximity to the Ffordeian Rift, the giant is able to move without difficulty.::

[LARGE] Beg pawdon, Mum, but I was only trying to find a bit of elbow room. It seems Mr B4 has come up with a rather clever solution to my problem. Oh. I'm terribly sorry. I've just come from the theater where they're perfawming "The Mother Of All Gooses", and I haven't even introduced myself. Baileywick's the name, Mum. Good to meet you, Miss...?

*pulls herself up to her full 4'11" nd glares at the giant*

If you're going to stay here, you're going to have to sit down. I'm not going to put a crick in my neck looking up at you.

If you're a friend of B4, then I suppose it's ok if you stay for a while. Just don't rearrange anything, and don't go near that door leading into the rift.

And help yourself to the Sara Lee coffee cake.

*tap-dancing in*

tipetytap tipetytap titap titap ti tipetytap

*enters the library, looks around*

*no unau in sight, but instead a very large individual*

Have you seen a tap-dancing unau?

*Mindspring* Meep! Meep!

*also tap dancing* tap ti tappity tappity tappity tipte tipte tap

*sees the Sara Lee coffee cake* Meep!
*scoops out a pawful and eats, evidently enjoying the pecans particularly*

Mayhem! Mayhem! The curse is come upon us! HYPATIAAAA! HELP!

If anyone would happen to wonder why I panic at the thought of carbo-loaded unaus and control boards in the same room, check what happened at the S*T*A*T*S security centre: <./>F77644?thread=188159</.>

*spys Eleven on the outer side of the rift door*

No, Eleven! Don't open the door!



*Ripley and Mindspring leap onto her lap and beg for more coffee cake*

Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee

*after gulping down the coffee cake and the nuts, experiencing another carby-hype*

*tap-tap-tapity-tapping away all over the place; floors, bookshelves, furniture, small buttons, more bookshelves, a desk, small buttons*

*jumps onto the desk and begins performing Stomp*
tappy tap TAP TAP STOMP
tapitty tap STOMP
tapitty tap STOMP STOMP STOMP

*sees spiral staircase* Meep! Meep!
*shimmies up*


*Lil follows behind*

If we can keep them out of trouble, they'll run down and go to sleep for a couple of days!

*Mindspring jumps off the staircase onto Lil* Meep!

I think they're a little quieter. I'm keeping up with them better at least.

Don't eat the cookbooks!

*from underneath the affectionate Mindspring*

In case the worst happens, can you think of any great novels with unaus in them? What about a book that wouldn't suffer if an unau was in it?

*imagines Mindspring dropping into the middle of The Bostonians and shudders*

/* Zeppo charges in and grabs the first loose object he sees (a book from one of the lower shelves) and runs around hoping someone will chase him trying to get the book, which to a dog is obviously the only appropriate thing to do under the circumstances. */

/* d'E obliges by giving chase */