The thing I liked the best about her was her right breast, rounded and firm and easily identifiable as the real one. Her firm uplifted bottom was remarkable, both buttocks were identical which caused problems when buying jeans as they are made for a left and right buttock.
She told me that she often went out with tailors or with men who had mothers who could sew well, although after a while they regarded her as a good work challenge rather than a girlfriend.
I had met her in a small narrow dimly lit crowded bar, I could just make her out, wow, look at the tits and legs on that I thought, although later I modified my language and the plural became singular.
After that fist date, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to see here again, well not all of her. Anyhow. We did see each other again.
For our second date I thought that we could go to the Chinese restaurant around the corner from her flat. I picked her up at eight and by nine we had eaten and were sitting on the sofa in her flat watching a wildlife documentary on red bottomed baboons. I knew sex would be difficult that night, when she sympathised with the baboons and thought that her cream could help them.
I was feeling a little sexy, so I put my hand around her shoulder and stretched towards her good side, but she pushed me away and said that she had tired feet.
Take off your shoes and relax, I said. Well that was the worst thing I could have ever said. Her right toe was very long and bent in three places, it would make a great bridge in snooker, I thought.
The rest of her foot wasn’t any better and resembled the sort of place you would find a mushroom hunter. She said don’t worry about the mould, just scrape it off and put it in the flower pot.
I looked around the room and noticed that she had the best looking plants I had ever seen.