h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I enjoyed reading your article, very entertaining, Although I was a little perplexed that death is not a moment but a process, I have been practising the avoidance technique of death for a while now and your statements mean that I am wasting my time and I may as well stop.

-----------------------------
My death, I have been thinking about this subject for a while, and I have decided that I am going to investigate how to avoid it.

I don’t want to live forever, I just do not want to die, it must be easier avoiding death than finding a potion that makes you live forever, besides I am no good as a chemist but my wife often tells me that I am very good at avoiding things..

So I have decided to face this Death thing like I face any other thing that I do not want to do, by doing my best to avoid it. Now avoiding the washing up is easy, you can suggest we all eat out tonight, you could fake an allergy to soapy water, there are lots of ways. Death is a little trickier.

I have started with quite a simple technique. I called it “The avoid death tomorrow technique”. Basically it comprises in avoiding your own death for 24 hours at a time. I have been doing this for a quite a while now and so far I have had a 100 % success rate.

I am also working on another technique based on probabilities, the idea is to manipulate the probability of your death so that the odds of you dieing are very low. I have discovered that a very high percentage of people snuff it in their beds, so if you are in bed then the odds of you dieing are higher than if you are in a hammock for instance. I am thinking of having a hammock installed in the bathroom (lower the odds even more, no one has actually died in a hammock hung up between the shower and the loo)

I am trying to find other ways to develop my Avoidance Theory, has anyone any ideas?

birth levels up all men :death reveals the eminent