h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Thoughts? Comments?? Anything you'd like to see added? We can't have a guide without an entry for New York City, can we?

Despite misperceptions, New Yorkers do not hate tourists. Just tourists from the rest of the U.S. If you are from Europe, Asia, Africa or any other part of the world, feel free to come and enjoy our cosmopolitan city. Spend as much money as you like.
If however, you are from some place like Omaha, Nebraska, we have two words for you: Stay home.
Don't come to New York. Don't walk up broadway at a snail's pace in your Teva's, Hard Rock Cafe T-Shirts and silly hats looking up at the tall buildings. Don't ask people where "the village" is. Don't try to hail your own taxis. Do not, under any circumstances, stand in front of a building where a television program is filmed and wave signs annoucing hello to your pitiful friends back in Sheboygan. And please, please, if you don't know where you are going, do not take the subway.
I tell you this for your own good.
If, however, you are from someplace neat like Prague, feel free to do all the above and more. We'll love you to pieces, and perhaps even buy you a drink.
Yes, it's unfair. But we can't help it. We DO hate the rest of you, all you non-New Yorkers who insist that you have a claim to our city merely because you share citizenship in the U.S.A. Actually, we would like that changed. We want to be our own country. Everybody else can go watch Baywatch and do the Macarena, while we go to important art galleries and listen to bands you people have even heard of.
Though, if you want, you guys can have Staten Island.

hey now what's wrong with staten island? ok there's lots wrong with it. but i've lived here all my life and i can't have you insulting us like that. tsk tsk. all the garbage we take from you guys. literally. if it weren't for this island the rest of the city would be overflowing and 100ft. deep in rubbish. i'll accept your apology now thank you very much.