Red River Ale
Created | Updated Sep 12, 2007
I'm not sure you realize quite how significant this liguid is is.... you see, I once read some hieroglyphics on a crumbling wall, thousands of feet below the Sahara desert. It spake of an ancient being of light, which emerged from the Nile as a writhing mass of rippling energy, some 10 millions of years ago. Billions of nebula were reflected within it's shimmering centre, and primal cosmic events crackled around it like some multi-dimensional kaleidoscopic fusion.
Of course, the presence of such an entity caused an immense surge of psychic energy. The Nile became a churning mass of red crashing waves, which boiled and evaporated up into the incandescent sky, causing torrents of scarlet rain to lash down upon the surrounding fields of crystal malt. Grains of stored barley began to vibrate in their husks, creating a buzzing that flanged from East to West in synchronized fractal gliders. The bubbling Nile began to shake the earth, producing bottom heavy bass notes phatter than your mamma. The core of the earth absorbed these sounds... compressing them before stretching them out... infusing them with it's fiery red energy. The earth creaked and shifted on its axis, the foundations of reality began to crumble, and inevitably, the carpet was pulled from beneath the scene. As a result the Sahara collapsed in on itself, creating a gargantuan spiral vortex, into which was sucked not only crimson malt and vibrating barley, but also the hopes and dreams of all humanity...
On the other side of the universe, quietly sipping his tea, sat a ruddy faced W.J King. He chuckled quietly to himself as he beheld the empty glass bottles that stretched out to the horizons in every direction. All things going well, his timing would be perfect. In precisely 2.7 nano seconds the sky above him would open it's bi-monthly portal, through which would gush a hundred thousand mega tonnes of red celestial liquid. Yes, it was scam, and yes, the arrangements he made might be considered as underhand (possibly even as dishonest)... But who cares, the quarry was worth it! After all, he wasn't stealing their hopes and dreams so much as he was bottling them and selling them back...
So, you see, bottles of Red River Ale are precious beyond words. Before you drink them, I suggest you hold a 2 minutes silence for the pre-vortex Sahara. And then drink, deep...
Of course, the presence of such an entity caused an immense surge of psychic energy. The Nile became a churning mass of red crashing waves, which boiled and evaporated up into the incandescent sky, causing torrents of scarlet rain to lash down upon the surrounding fields of crystal malt. Grains of stored barley began to vibrate in their husks, creating a buzzing that flanged from East to West in synchronized fractal gliders. The bubbling Nile began to shake the earth, producing bottom heavy bass notes phatter than your mamma. The core of the earth absorbed these sounds... compressing them before stretching them out... infusing them with it's fiery red energy. The earth creaked and shifted on its axis, the foundations of reality began to crumble, and inevitably, the carpet was pulled from beneath the scene. As a result the Sahara collapsed in on itself, creating a gargantuan spiral vortex, into which was sucked not only crimson malt and vibrating barley, but also the hopes and dreams of all humanity...
On the other side of the universe, quietly sipping his tea, sat a ruddy faced W.J King. He chuckled quietly to himself as he beheld the empty glass bottles that stretched out to the horizons in every direction. All things going well, his timing would be perfect. In precisely 2.7 nano seconds the sky above him would open it's bi-monthly portal, through which would gush a hundred thousand mega tonnes of red celestial liquid. Yes, it was scam, and yes, the arrangements he made might be considered as underhand (possibly even as dishonest)... But who cares, the quarry was worth it! After all, he wasn't stealing their hopes and dreams so much as he was bottling them and selling them back...
So, you see, bottles of Red River Ale are precious beyond words. Before you drink them, I suggest you hold a 2 minutes silence for the pre-vortex Sahara. And then drink, deep...
