h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*silently and effortlessly rises to his feet, manner still unnaturally calm*

You would do well to listen to one who is your superior. You talk but you do not understand.

*his eyes now a shade of the deepest black looks at each person around the fire in turn. He seems about seven feet tall although he is not*

You ARE all going to die.

You are going to die unless you do exactly as I say, all of you and without question. You will obey me and you will all follow my lead for it is my destiny to command you.

Red Dog, dear, I appreciate the lift across the river, but maybe it's time to get down off that high horse of yours now. After all, I don't know what "destiny" you are talking about, but I don't take well to "commands" and certainly don't just "obey" without good reason.

Oooh! Well done! *golf claps*

*Exchanges a look with GL, then stands up and walks around the fire so that RD has to turn his back to GL to see Gord.*

Hmmmmm. You ARE a decent sort and all that, but I'm not sure if you are DESTINED to lead us. I mean, what is destiny anyway...

*Gord drones on, drawing RD's attention*

*icily calm*

You will soon be able to instruct the others in the duties and manners of a slave. You will be the first one to follow.

*slips his hand into his coat and in seconds Gord feels an enormous wave of coercive mental power beating on his brain, forcing him to his knees. RD's eyes blaze black - the black of a total absence of light*

*Dives at Red Dog in a flying tackle.*

*pulls out her rock and her kumquat and stands ready in case GL needs help*

*notices RD's hand slipping inside his coat and getting a brief glimpse of what is there*

careful he's got a

*While she watches the combatants struggle, she wonders what would happen if someone took a bite out of a .

Not a !

*puts the rock away and readies the larger kumquat in both hands now*

*Withers under the black gaze.*

Some....body....help....me.....

*Towers above Gord his Coercion starting to break down his puny resistance. GL's tackle is hardly felt and RD stands like a statue, monumental, unmoving*

*alarmed and shocked*

GORD ! OH GORD, GORD BLIMEY !!

*gathering herself she launches herself at Red Dogs back and hangs there pummeling his back with her fists*

*Lies crumpled at RD's feet. Gets up, takes a few steps back then runs at RD, shoulder first.*

*takes a deep breath*

Well, here goes. Kumquat, don't fail me now!

*charges RD and jumps at his back, aiming the kumquat at a vital apot*

*at the point of Gord's resistance breaking down a vicious piece of fruit hits RD in a vital spot and explodes, pith, juice and flesh going everywhere. Unprepared for the unleashing of a weapon of mush destruction RD, sways a little to the left, they sways a little to the right all the time Gord now under his control scurrying right and left as RD sways. With a final inevitability RD's eyes roll upwards into the back of his head and he falls majestically to the ground with a resounding THUMP!*

*a falls out of his hand and rolls around the campsite in decreasing circles avoiding everyones hands until with a final spin and a bounce falls into the fire*

*Just before the burns up, GL sees some words appear on it, as if written in fire:
"Nine for Mortal Researchers doomed to never die"*

*lies on the ground, covered in sticky fruit juice, out of breath*

*Drops to the ground, exhausted and panting.*

*still on Red Dog's back pummelling away*

How could you, how could you ... you ... you beast, you could have hurt him, I will never ever ever forgive you

*pummels*

*Gets up and brushes himself off. Looks down at RD, being pummeled by IAN.*

Sad to see a good man gone bad. But we had better tie him up before he comes to.

IAN, we need to tie him up now.