A Conversation for Gilbert and Sullivan

Alternative Writing Workshop: A25637394 - Gilbert and Sullivan

Post 1

sinnerman pfank

Entry: Gilbert and Sullivan - A25637394
Author: sinnerman - U9260985

We had management consultants in a while back......

(Optionally sung to the tune of "The Song of the Major general" from Pirates of Penzance


A25637394 - Gilbert and Sullivan

Post 2

minorvogonpoet

This is very clever - a witty comment on management speak smiley - smiley.

It doesn't quite scan in places, though it does rhyme. Some of Gilbert's rhymes were (deliberately) awful.

Phrases that used to annoy me in my workplace were 'breaking out of silos' and 'blue skies thinking.' When they started telling us that we needed to work 'smarter', I knew that it was a euphemism for more work between fewer people and took early retirement!


A25637394 - Gilbert and Sullivan

Post 3

Dmitri Gheorgheni - Not Banned in China

I love the idea.smiley - biggrin

I love some of the rhymes.smiley - biggrin

The rhythm needs fixing, though, big-time. Because anybody reading it is going to stumble over the metre.

My sympathies to you on knowing *quite* so much about corporate-speak.smiley - cheerup

*goes of wondering about 'mamelon' and 'ravelin', for about the 13th time...*


A25637394 - Gilbert and Sullivan

Post 4

U1250369


mamelon, ravelin are, allegedly, features of fort design system.

As for me, I as so impressed with your knowledge of G&S. Do you singsmiley - biggrin


A25637394 - Gilbert and Sullivan

Post 5

Dmitri Gheorgheni - Not Banned in China

smiley - laugh I believe Major Sharpe got stuck in one, once.smiley - winkeye

And smiley - shhh, or everybody will want one.


A25637394 - Gilbert and Sullivan

Post 6

U1250369


smiley - laugh

Hello, how are you ?


A25637394 - Gilbert and Sullivan

Post 7

LL Waz

smiley - laugh I reckon your true feelings got the better of the poetry in the last verse. These are fun and it seems picky to complain about the bits that aren't spot on, but to really work, I think they have to be spot on and you've evidently got the talent to make them so. So I'll join in with the pickiness and agree with comments above.

The length needs careful judgement too unless there's a story or some progression to take over from the initial impact of the mimicry.

They are fun though, and clever. Do you polish and edit them at all? Or is it an initial rush and then you're done with them?


A25637394 - Gilbert and Sullivan

Post 8

LL Waz

PS the 'you' in the above post 7 is Sinnerman. Just to be clear smiley - winkeye.

And I want one. Whatever one is. The one Major Sharp got stuck in. If everyone else is having one, then me too!


A25637394 - Gilbert and Sullivan

Post 9

U1250369


Talk to dmt. He can fix it for a price


A25637394 - Gilbert and Sullivan

Post 10

Dmitri Gheorgheni - Not Banned in China

smiley - rofl Maj Sharpe got stuck in a ravelin. In some siege or other. In Spain during the Peninsular Wars.smiley - rofl See the excellent guide entries.


A25637394 - Gilbert and Sullivan

Post 11

LL Waz

Ok, how much?

I've researched and I want one. It'll just fit in the angle of the front wall and the drive and give command over the route from the pub and Pete-over-the-road's veggie patch. I covet his veg patch.

Does it come with ballistic type accessories?


A25637394 - Gilbert and Sullivan

Post 12

Dmitri Gheorgheni - Not Banned in China

Definitely.smiley - rofl By the rocket's red glare, you can see your neighbour's azaleas going poof!

You might simply try sowing a ha-ha with caltrops.


A25637394 - Gilbert and Sullivan

Post 13

LL Waz

Yeah, but I can't eat veggies that have gone poof, dmitri! I need a land grab followed by defence.I can charge a toll for pub access to pay the mortgage for the ravelin. £3 per head, £2 for bicycles, £1 for a dog. That'll be at least £11 takings per day just from Bill and the paper boy.

Do they need foundations? Planning permission's needed for things with foundations.


A25637394 - Gilbert and Sullivan

Post 14

Dmitri Gheorgheni - Not Banned in China

Nah, just digging.smiley - rofl

And for the business plan, ask sinnerman. His poem's about...er, business?smiley - winkeye


A25637394 - Gilbert and Sullivan

Post 15

LL Waz

smiley - biggrin You're right, he's the very model of a modern business visionary.


A25637394 - Gilbert and Sullivan

Post 16

U1250369


smiley - book


A25637394 - Gilbert and Sullivan

Post 17

sinnerman pfank

Evening LLwaz

Thanks for yout comments.

No, I don't edit them. What I post here tend to be almost first drafts, give or take a few doodles in the margins.

To be honest, I don't much enjoy revisiting old work or checking exact meters. I can do it, but I find it boring. Getting them from inside my head onto paper and then typing them up is enough of a chore! I'm usually already thinking of the next one long before I've finished the one I'm writing. (If I ever run out of ideas, maybe I'll go back and take a second look at them all)

Seem like a friendly but small group down here in the AWW. Think I'm going to like it.

S.P.


A25637394 - Gilbert and Sullivan

Post 18

Bluebottle

By the Alternative Writing Workshop a little Bluebottle
Sang 'Entry, back to entry, back to entry'
And I said to him, 'BB, why do you say such a lottle
Back to Entry, Back to Entry, Back to Entry?'
'Is it weakness of intellect, BB' I cried.
'Or a rather tough worm in your little inside?'
With a shake of his poor little head he replied
'Back to Entry, Back to Entry, Back to Entry'

<BB<


A25637394 - Gilbert and Sullivan

Post 19

Dmitri Gheorgheni - Not Banned in China

smiley - rofl I concur.


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