A Conversation for Jim Henson - Muppeteer, Filmmaker, Television Producer

Peer Review: A2553969 - Jim Henson - muppeteer, filmmaker, television producer

Post 1

Opticalillusion- media mynx life would be boring without hiccups

Entry: Jim Henson - muppeteer, filmmaker, television producer - A2553969
Author: Opticalillusion - Listen to the musica, Let it resonata through a ya-misses and worries over her bf - U231227

Opti proudly presents Jim Henson in association with the letter J.


A2553969 - Jim Henson - muppeteer, filmmaker, television producer

Post 2

Galaxy Babe - eclectic editor

What do you mean "in association with the letter J"?

The title: each word over three-letters long needs to be capitalised.

Missipi = Mississippi

There are some American spellings in there that a spell-check would pick up for you.

You end the entry on "As for The Jim Henson Company well it can be found out here" with "here" being the link to his website. What appears in the sidebar is "here" because you haven't filled in the "TITLE" tag, which I know you know about because so many other reviewers have told you before.

Henson got to experiment with film and created 1964's Timepiece
=
apostrophies aren't allowed in dates

eleven sketches
=
11 sketches (numbers 10 and over are displayed as figures)

U.S. Department of Agriculture.
=
US Department of Agriculture.

My immediate reaction to 23 footnotes is smiley - headhurts it's overkill and you should work as many as possible into the entry, Opti.


A2553969 - Jim Henson - muppeteer, filmmaker, television producer

Post 3

Magwitch - My name is Mags and I am funky.

Footnote ahoy! smiley - yikes Like it, like it, like it, however, (you saw that one coming didn't you smiley - winkeye grammatical nitpicks,

Pierre the French Rat, Longhorn and Shorthorn --> presumably the latter two are a double act so therefore rather than a comma use 'and'

NBC having seen Henson at work decided to take him on however and soon Henson...--> NBC, having seen Henson at work, decided to take him on. Soon...etc (sentence was a bit long IMO)

Jack Paar (1958) etc) TV shows --> comma after brackets

Jerry Juhl (hired in 1961-left in 2000) a writer and puppeteer --> comma after bracket, again

In New York Henson made weekly appearances --> comma after New York

Because Henson’s company was doing well financially, Henson got to experiment -->Henson's comapny...and he got to experiment (I don't like sentences beginning with because, smiley - erm)

At first Henson's characters were just going to be allotted a time frame in which to work during the program, but after a poor test screening in Philadelphia Henson's Muppets became the main feature of the program and interacted with the set and people on the show. --> At first, Henson's charatures....programme, however, after...Philadelphia, Henson's...

The Muppets became Emmy-winning worldwide successors and pop-cultural icons. --> successes

first Sesame Street album, two --> hyphen instead of comma?

Henson was unhappy for he felt with the success of Sesame Street, he was being pigeonholed as a children's entertainer --> he felt 'that'

helped create The Muppet Show. The Muppet Show16 --> It as oppsosed to The Muppet Show again?


A2553969 - Jim Henson - muppeteer, filmmaker, television producer

Post 4

Magwitch - My name is Mags and I am funky.

Let me clarify my last point (cuz even I* can't understand that one smiley - yikes) Use the word 'It' rather than The Muppet Show again smiley - blush


A2553969 - Jim Henson - muppeteer, filmmaker, television producer

Post 5

Gnomon - time to move on

Excellent entry, Opti! You've obviously worked hard on this.smiley - applause

Here are a few comments on the first few sections.

Content:

From an early age the media gripped him --> From an early age the visual media gripped him

(remember, the Media include newspapers etc, so it is really visual media you mean).

'I loved the idea', he once said, 'that what you saw was taking place somewhere else at the same time'.
- By James Collins for Time 100

I find it odd that you are quoting someone called James Collins, rather than quoting Henson. I think you should rewrite this as:

'I loved the idea that what you saw was taking place somewhere else at the same time.'
and don't attribute it to anyone.

"were a mixture between marionette and puppet" -- a marionette is a type of puppet, so how can then be a mixture between a puppet and a type of puppet? That like saying a cross between a terrier and a dog. And in what way are muppets connected to marionettes? There are no strings, which are what make marionettes what they are. The name muppet, I think, came from a cross between a mop and a puppet, but you can easily check this.

Spelling etc:

Missipi --> Mississippi

Henson's fathers work --> Henson's father's work

Add comma after first footnote.

Leland, MS -- American states should be spelled out in full, not abbreviated, since non-American readers won't know what MS means. I don't myself.

but was met with little success --> but met with little success

Pierre the French Rat, Longhorn and Shorthorn (a couple of cowboys) -->
Pierre the French Rat, and Longhorn and Shorthorn (a couple of cowboys)

Three weeks after Henson was hired disaster struck -- this would read better with a comma after hired.

160 adverts for Wilkins coffee commercials -- shouldn't be:
160 adverts for Wilkins coffee

I'll try and look at some more of it later.


A2553969 - Jim Henson - muppeteer, filmmaker, television producer

Post 6

Opticalillusion- media mynx life would be boring without hiccups

smiley - ta for taking the time to read over my entry. smiley - smiley I've addressed a few of the points people have mentioned, but there is still a long way to go.


A2553969 - Jim Henson - muppeteer, filmmaker, television producer

Post 7

steve-paul ---- no lyrics!!<wah>

Well done Optismiley - applausesmiley - ok
i think all the others have said all the grammatical errors et alsmiley - biggrin.

Except that the link to EM.TV might be better moved to the first EM.TV a few lines above?smiley - smiley

SPsmiley - winkeye


A2553969 - Jim Henson - muppeteer, filmmaker, television producer

Post 8

Wilma Neanderthal

Opti,

Once again, I was terribly disappointed after initial elation with an entry you wrote. I thought you were really on the right track but sadly, too many of the better phrases you use are lifted straight out of this webpage http://www.answers.com/topic/jim-henson

Please rewrite this entry in your own words.

smiley - ok
W


A2553969 - Jim Henson - muppeteer, filmmaker, television producer

Post 9

Opticalillusion- media mynx life would be boring without hiccups

smiley - headhurts every time I try to write something people think I've been lifting stuff and I haven't! Maybe I should give up trying to write anything at all.


A2553969 - Jim Henson - muppeteer, filmmaker, television producer

Post 10

steve-paul ---- no lyrics!!<wah>

no, don't do that!smiley - sadface
i find it really hard to do as well smiley - erm, but the rule is there for a purpose (I mean the spitting one, of course)smiley - winkeye

SP


A2553969 - Jim Henson - muppeteer, filmmaker, television producer

Post 11

Wilma Neanderthal

You may not be doing it on purpose, Opti, but doing it you certainly are. Please reword the copied phrases or this entry should not stay in PR.
Thanks
smiley - ok
Wilma


A2553969 - Jim Henson - muppeteer, filmmaker, television producer

Post 12

Opticalillusion- media mynx life would be boring without hiccups

If I had actually copied and pasted I would know what to change, but as I haven't I have no idea what to change.


A2553969 - Jim Henson - muppeteer, filmmaker, television producer

Post 13

Wilma Neanderthal

Start with your description of Rowlf and then continue to find the others. Sorry, I am not going to do this for you, Opti.
smiley - ok
W


A2553969 - Jim Henson - muppeteer, filmmaker, television producer

Post 14

Opticalillusion- media mynx life would be boring without hiccups

smiley - dontpanic I didn't ask you too. I just want to know how to quickly resolve the problem.


A2553969 - Jim Henson - muppeteer, filmmaker, television producer

Post 15

Opticalillusion- media mynx life would be boring without hiccups

when i do a search on that sentence google doesn't pick anything up.


A2553969 - Jim Henson - muppeteer, filmmaker, television producer

Post 16

Opticalillusion- media mynx life would be boring without hiccups

or is it not a sentence that i'm looking for? smiley - erm


A2553969 - Jim Henson - muppeteer, filmmaker, television producer

Post 17

Galaxy Babe - eclectic editor

<>

Rewrite in your own words what you didn't write.


A2553969 - Jim Henson - muppeteer, filmmaker, television producer

Post 18

Opticalillusion- media mynx life would be boring without hiccups

I thought I had written everything! smiley - erm I dont recall copying and pasting anything.


A2553969 - Jim Henson - muppeteer, filmmaker, television producer

Post 19

Galaxy Babe - eclectic editor

Opti wrote:
The Muppet was Rowlf a brown, furry, floppy-eared, piano-playing, gravel-voiced dog that achieved national fame and was shown on The Jimmy Dean Show from 1963 through to 1966.

From answers.com:
Rowlf - the brown, floppy-eared, piano-playing, gravel-voiced dog -who became the first Muppet to achieve national fame, appearing on The Jimmy Dean Show from 1963-1966

That's what we mean by writing it in your own words.


A2553969 - Jim Henson - muppeteer, filmmaker, television producer

Post 20

Opticalillusion- media mynx life would be boring without hiccups

I thought it was whole sentences that were problematic.


Key: Complain about this post

Write an Entry

"The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy is a wholly remarkable book. It has been compiled and recompiled many times and under many different editorships. It contains contributions from countless numbers of travellers and researchers."

Write an entry
Read more