h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

As a Scot, I may have the best remedy of all time, but you'll have to track it down if you're elsewhere in the world. It is of course Irn Bru (pronounced "Iron Brew" and made in Scotland from Girders according to its own mystifying advertising solution). A bottle of this next morning will lift the pennies from your eyes. Then get the frying pan out and cook as much cholesterol as you can find in the house. This is why Scots don't have hangovers but die of coronary diseases before they're 50.

Actually, good though Irn Bru is, most sweet fizzy drinks will have the same effect: my brother swears by Andrew's Liver Salts, for example, and I've even found tomato juice to be effective. This last also seems to act as food, so you may be able to avoid the fry-up. I read somewhere that toast and honey before sleeping works; this seems like a palatable remedy, but I can't vouch for it. Let's face it, no-one has the presence of mind to do anything the night before, because you always think you're less drunk than you really are.

You need to be able to wake up next day, open one eye and see if it feels like a rusty ball bearing, then if you still have your eyesight, examine your surroundings to determine whether you're in any immediate danger (curled up on a railway line, for example), cough to see if your mouth feels like the inside of a hoover bag, and decide at that point whether you Got Away With It, or whether Corrective Action Will Be Necessary. If it's the latter, drinking and eating stuff will probably be of some help, but don't forget the value of some hard exercise. It sounds a bit public school, but a swim will work wonders. Dive in, though - don't wimp out climbing down a ladder. Only by confronting sudden death will you put your hangover in perspective. To reinforce this, a friend of mind tripped over his TV stand and broke his toe the morning after a session. He said his hangover vanished immediately.