Well, we've done it. After years of technological advancing, humanity has finally
discovered what we've aimed to discover for years.

We...took pictures of mars! Hoooah! Some may think this isn't such a huge deal, but for many
Americans, we have hit the pinnacle of knowledge. Take for instance the Democratic candidates for
the Presidential election: they're so bent on getting votes that they're trying everywhere
for some followers. Mars is just one more poor unsuspecting planet we Americans can thrust our
Federalistic views on. But that's not all we need Mars for, oh no! I mean, look at the
pictures! We found...rocks! and...boulders! and...and...sand! *whew!* 'Scuse me while I pass out
from excitement! I could just see the NASA dudes as they sat with painstaking anticipation waiting
for the photos from Mars to arrive:

Ted: 'Holy crap! What do you think we'll find on Mars? I can hardly wait to see!'

Marvin:'Maybe we'll find ancient frozen rivers!'

Jimmy: 'Maybe we'll find a primitive alien life form!'

Albert: 'Maybe we'll find cake!'

Ted: 'Oh man...it's coming up, guys...I see it! It's...it's...'

Albert: 'CAKE!'

Ted: 'ROCKS! OH MY GOD! Could ANYONE have GUESSED IT?!'

Marvin: 'I sure didn't guess it, Ted.'

Everyone's first natural reaction to this historical event is, 'So when will we send people
there?' Answer: Not soon enough. I personally think we should use the Martian terrain to
house all the world's degenerates. Those people who don't contribute at all to the advancement of
Planet Earth. Criminals, telephone sanitizers, Canadians...we could just dig the whole country of
France up and move the whole land mass up there. The giant crater it leaves behind can be called
'The Lake of France.' Though, they may have a problem with people constantly taking a sh*t in
it.

Though, colonization of Mars will inevitably have its pitfalls. I speak, of course, of none other
than the Super Man-Eating Martian Death Robot Monster who's known to inhabit many caves on
Mars. Of course. I can just imagine the horrible outcome of a run-in with this evil being:

Astronaut 1: 'Wow...Mars man. I mean really...Mars...'

Astronaut 2: 'I know, dude. This is like, so freakin'---OH MY GOD WHAT IN THE HOLY
SAINT'S NAME IS THAT?!'

Astronaut 1: 'DEAR SWEET MOTHER OF GOD! It's the Super Man-Eating Martian Death
Robot Monster who's known to inhabit many caves on Mars! RUUUUUUUN!'

*running*

But I'm sure these are the kinds of drawbacks that our well-trained personnel at NASA will have
no difficulty handling.

So what have we learned from all this? Mars is a planet. It is round, and mostly orange/red.
It's smaller than Earth, and may or may not have any living species on it. Wow. I for one am glad I
spent my hard-earned tax dollars on this million dollar project for it to tell me what I've known
since 2nd grade.

So thank you, NASA. Thank you for the fun times. Thank you for showing us photos which, as
far as we can tell, were taken of the outskirts of ghetto Los Angeles. Thank you for the hope that
someday--just maybe--we can have a brand new planet to inhabit, strip of all its natural resources,
take advantage of, disrespect, and pollute until we all die in the human wasteland we all created.
Thank you.

Your Little h2g2'er,

Darth Zaphod

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