Running With Scissors

1 Conversation

Scissors Banner by Wotchit

(With apologies to Dr Seuss)

Hello, reader! I am Sam.

You may call me Sam-I-Am.

Green eggs I have to offer you:

Three dozen for the price of two.

Thank you, no, Mr Sam.

I have no interest in your spam.

I do not like green eggs, or spam.

I do not like them, Sam-I-Am.


Eat them fried or eat them coddled!

Try them pickled, canned or bottled!

Eat them sliced on ham-and-rye!

Sample some of my green egg pie!

I won't eat them, raw or fried,

Deviled, jammed, or green-egg-pied.

I do not want green eggs and spam,

I do not want them, Sam-I-Am.


Eat green eggs and you will see:

A certain part of your anatomy

Will grow two inches! or even three!

Get them cheap! Or maybe free!

I do not want them, even free.

I'm pleased with my anatomy.

I won't eat your eggs, you see.

Go away and let me be.

I do not need green eggs and spam,

I do not need them, Sam-I-Am.


See gorgeous girlies go to town!

Watch horny coeds chow them down!

Everyone loves green eggs, they do!

Eat them and they'll love you, too.

No, no, Sam, this is too much!

Those coeds' antics make me blush.

I do not want to go to town.

I do not want to chow them down.

I do not like green eggs and spam,

I do not like them, Sam-I-Am.


Want to enjoy better sex?

Buy herbal eggs, no side effects!

They grow your hair, they cure mad cow,

They make you smart, so buy them now!

Buy your green eggs from me

And I'll send a free college degree!

Go away, I beg you, please!

I don't want eggs, or more degrees.

My hair is fine, I don't eat meat.

My love life's good and often sweet.

I do not need your green eggs, Sam.

I don't want to get more of your spam.

I do not like green eggs and spam,

I do not like them, Sam-I-Am.


smiley - steam

Each day I find my in-box crammed

With more exasperating spam:

Scams of every possible description;

Cheap ViAgRa, no prescription;

Nigerians with horrid luck

Who need my help to make a buck;

An heiress making hot home movies

That rival those of other floozies;

But absolutely the most persistent,

Importuning and insistent,

My daily dose of eggs and spam,

Courtesy of Sam-I-Am.

I do not want green eggs and spam.

I do not want them, Sam-I-Am.

But if you want to be a sweetie,

Kindly send a new delete-key --

Mine is broken.

Running With Scissors


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