h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I'm nice to everyone EXCEPT the Veni. That's because they attention seek to much, and it's pathetic.

Whooooooo!
*clutches large comedy handbag to self*

NO! Venus in Cider leaving??? Bluebottle, you apologize right this instant! Venus in Blue, go talk to your sister! And, could you maybe stand in her place for a while until she comes back?

~Irving

Attention seeking, like revealing them selves.. ooh dear, maybe I'll have to become Venus in Helena!! But As I already am a demi goddess (And Paris only awarded Venus the prize of most beautiful of the three goddesses because she promised him that he could have me if he did) I'll stick to just being me. And some of us don't have to reveal our anatomy to have men fall at our feet (executes a quick karate chop to the nearest male) See?? Shame though, she was a nice bird to have around.

Hej Irv, at last somebody had the idea to ask the cook for spam
*drags large platter of SPAM in all varieties out of the kitchen to be served*
here you go, Hel... but "Venus in Helena" sounds a tiny bit like Pear Helène to me...
I'm sorry to hear Vicky wants to leave, though, she added a touch of even more style.

*wanders back to the kitchen to proclaim "spam week" and try Spam à la Pear Helène*

Spam ala Helena involves lashings of tomato sauce!!

oh dear...
*lashes Helena with tomato sauce*

What about 'Venus in Bergen?'

NAh, I'm an individual, I don't really want to join their clique, they probably take 10% or something. And I meant you lash the spam... but don't stop, please, it hurts *Smile*

Mmmmm, Helena with lashings of lashing.....

tomato sauce that HURTS? I must have made something wrong....
*starts to sprinkle cheese over helena*

*appears in a flash of smoke, trying not to set off the alarms again*
Hey, what on earth is going on? Then again, please, don't tell me, I don't think I want to know.
Is that toast still warm?
Don't you think that needs cleaning up before someone slips on it?

I'd just to like everyone know that, as it's December, with the time of Christmas coming up - the time of peace, harmony, and good will to people, I am now officially on a Venus truce until the New Year - and I won't insult any Venii until 2000.

And okay, I will even apologise to VIC - but I'm only doing this for the time of peace and love etc.

Awww... isn't that nice of you?

Yes, Brain, the toast is (just about) still warm... You'll have eat it quick though.

Oh THANK YOU Bluebottle! I'll go see if I can get her back!

~Irving

Good luck

So Irving, I was wondering...since you're looking for customers, maybe I could be the kind of customer that sits at a table in the corner, reading books and drinking double lattes?

I could use one right now for that matter. I promise to tip big and not write any silly things on the cubicle doors of the Ladie's, like some other people I've seen...

That would make the staff to customers ratio a little better ; it must be somewhere in the region of 20 staff to 1 customer at the moment...

We could always kill a few staff, but that wouldn't be nice. An alternative would be to sack someone - but if IW did that, I'd go on strike, and who would wash up then? We're all one big happy family here.

Yes, yes, I'm not suggesting anything of that kind. In fact, it's rather nice having a lot more staff than customers. For one thing, we get to sit around and talk all day