Fantasy Futbol
Created | Updated Jan 9, 2007
The Ogre was huge. I mean HUGE. And he had the Orb. Luckily, Ogres aren't the smartest monsters around, so I knew he wouldn't give me any trouble. It was the Dragon behind me that was giving me trouble. He was HUGE too. And mean. And smart. And he could fly. He must have been the Side of Evil's final flying monster. We didn't even have one. Our Gyphon was on a spit (Just don't ask. Just don't), our Pegasus was a stain ont he side of a mountain (I TOLD him to watch where he was flying) and our very own Dragon had been very clever and gone after their Knight. I suppose no one told him that it's a rule of the Universe that a Knight HAS to slay a Dragon. Want to know what happened to our Knight? I can't say. The memory is still painful, and I can never look at a ketchup bottle again... Anyway they had a Dragon and we didn't. Get the picture?
So there was just me against the Dumb Ogre and the smart Dragon. You know how in those old stories, the hero always wins? Well, real life doesn't work like that. put simply, I was a side dish.
"Begone, foul beast that thou art!" cried a voice behind me. It was Bjorn, the intellectual Hero. (Intellectual as in he could use words of more than two syllabels AND spell them. Well, get most of the letters right, anyway).
Predictably, a lance the size of my whole body sailed through the air above me, hitting the Dragon, against all odds, in the mouth. The Dragon roared in pain, and collapsed. I'll say this for Bjorn, he always hits the mark. Since I'm such a nice guy, and because I try to avoid violence, I decided to outsmart the Ogre. I just yelled " Hey, Peabrain"! When the Ogre looked around in confusion, I called out "I'm on the top of the mountain!"
"T'anks voice" replied the Ogre and set off.Like I said, not too smart, your average Ogre. g
"Cheers, Bjorn" I said to the big guy. "I thought my Hippogriff was cooked"
"No problem, buddy" said Bjorn. He's a good guy, my buddy Bjorn. Always looking out for the little gut. (Me, usually)
Maybe I should back off a bit, huh?Explain how I came to be battling Dragons and outsmarting Ogres?I, my buddy bjorn and everyone else too, live in a fairyland called Fut. Now, don't think that Fut is one of those lovely, cuddly, airy-fairy world where evrything is perfect, because it isn't Fut is trouble. it's kind of like a prison. A prison for all the dregs of society of the Otherworlds. Sure, we have Elves and pixies like everyone else, nut I bet no other fairy land have Elves that have dreadlocks and wear leather.
So there was just me against the Dumb Ogre and the smart Dragon. You know how in those old stories, the hero always wins? Well, real life doesn't work like that. put simply, I was a side dish.
"Begone, foul beast that thou art!" cried a voice behind me. It was Bjorn, the intellectual Hero. (Intellectual as in he could use words of more than two syllabels AND spell them. Well, get most of the letters right, anyway).
Predictably, a lance the size of my whole body sailed through the air above me, hitting the Dragon, against all odds, in the mouth. The Dragon roared in pain, and collapsed. I'll say this for Bjorn, he always hits the mark. Since I'm such a nice guy, and because I try to avoid violence, I decided to outsmart the Ogre. I just yelled " Hey, Peabrain"! When the Ogre looked around in confusion, I called out "I'm on the top of the mountain!"
"T'anks voice" replied the Ogre and set off.Like I said, not too smart, your average Ogre. g
"Cheers, Bjorn" I said to the big guy. "I thought my Hippogriff was cooked"
"No problem, buddy" said Bjorn. He's a good guy, my buddy Bjorn. Always looking out for the little gut. (Me, usually)
Maybe I should back off a bit, huh?Explain how I came to be battling Dragons and outsmarting Ogres?I, my buddy bjorn and everyone else too, live in a fairyland called Fut. Now, don't think that Fut is one of those lovely, cuddly, airy-fairy world where evrything is perfect, because it isn't Fut is trouble. it's kind of like a prison. A prison for all the dregs of society of the Otherworlds. Sure, we have Elves and pixies like everyone else, nut I bet no other fairy land have Elves that have dreadlocks and wear leather.
