Legs Eleven
Created | Updated Feb 10, 2002
Bingo, despite more modern forms of entertainment and gaming, remains the chosen recreation of Old Ladies, and should thus be avoided by any non-Old-Ladies who wish to survive to next spring or, indeed, teatime. Peak time for Old Ladies is the afternoon, when, fortified with stout and malevolence, they pack themselves into converted cinemas smelling of fury and damp carpet, and begin the twin processes of despising the 'caller' and attempting by various forms of magic to subvert or influence the sequence of numbers. The truth is that the numbered balls, blown aloft on their column of hot air, are picked purely at random, and no amount of primeval curses, lucky felt-tip pens, magic cuddly toys or concentrated evil thought-waves will influence how they fall. But try telling the Old Ladies that and you'll end up in Casualty, having an umbrella removed under general anaesthetic.