A Conversation for New Millenium, New Cult - The Righteous Knights of Kettering

Real Cults

Post 1

Ginger The Feisty

Real cults are based in East Grinstead which has more religious cults than any other part of the country. Begone you pretenders! smiley - smiley


Real Cults

Post 2

Irving Washington - Gone Writing

Heritic! Either perish beneath a pile of flaming meat pies and burning kumquats, or return for your pentance, I command thee! The Potentate of Pletheral Punishment hath decided! So let it be written, so let it be done!


Real Cults

Post 3

Ginger The Feisty

I'd return for a pentance if I knew what one was! Do you mean penance? LOL smiley - smiley


Real Cults

Post 4

Irving Washington - Gone Writing

Darest thou to correct the Potentate of Pletheral Punishment on his spelling?!?! If thou showest me not respect, I shall be forced to increase your... um... penance!

(is that right? hmmm... get out the dictionary... Penance: act of self abasement, mortification, or devotion performed to show sorrow of repentance for sin... yes, that's what I meant... where did that "t" come from)


Real Cults

Post 5

Ginger The Feisty

It was probably your subconscious telling you that you need a nice cup of tea to make you feel better. Might stop you being so grouchy! smiley - smiley


Real Cults

Post 6

Vladimir

AAAAaaiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeee!

Burn ye Ginger Heretic! The chosen one will smite ye down with Righteous ANger And ye shall remain SMoTED!

Come to think of it, I'm not sure that Ginger goes with Buddhist orange anyway.

A rain of burning frogs descend upon East Grinstead!

(We're not Grouchy, just moved by the Spirit Within)smiley - winkeye


Real Cults

Post 7

Merkin

COWER bofore the sublime hairleSSness of the Great Beaver!!!!!! Weep ye natIOns of slAVEring sopHORites!! CURsed be the...oh bugger, I've got my ceremonial antlers caught in the door again...Sorry everybody, can we do that again? If I just come back in and take it from the top...what do you mean this is going out live? Oh F*beep*k a*beep*e w*beep*k s*beep*t k*beep*t...

Ginger would naturally have to wear the tightest blue battle dress, rather than the orange combats. That would avoid clashing colouration as well!smiley - winkeye


Real Cults

Post 8

Vladimir

Yeah, that would work.

DID YOU HEAR THAT, GINGER? SKY BLUE!!!

*stepping in front of Merkin*

What the Great Hairless One meant to say of course, was... CURsed bE the GRinStead ... people.... FOr they KNoW Not whAT THEY do.
All HAIL Ralph McTell!

More Kumquats please...more Kumquats

*whispers urgently* we need more Kumquats NOW or this just won't work.


Real Cults

Post 9

Merkin

Fortunately while my antlers are prone to distraction, I am never to be seen gadding about without a holdall full of Kumquats. *rases kumquat above head* "BLeSs'd be these KUMquats, that they might provide SUccoUr for our Warriors, and SMITe our ENENENNENENNENemies. The moon is rising in the constellation of Sirius. It is our TIme. StrIKE ForTh acROSS the bOGs andd mARShes of the EAsT to the putrid heart of KetTEring."


Real Cults

Post 10

Ginger The Feisty

Not forgetting to stop off at East Grinstead on the way to learn how to go about this properly! smiley - smiley


Real Cults

Post 11

Vladimir

Gggggrrrrrrrr.

Kettering shall shiver beneath the blows we rain down upon it! For is it not written:-

"...and in the days that followed, plague upon plague of broccoli visited the dwelling of Kettering and naught augered well for the people therein. The Righteous ones were fiercesome in demeanour and the heretics of Northamptonshire (and some from East Grinstead) looked on them and were sorely afraid..."

'Side-splitters'-The Cannon and Ball Story


Real Cults

Post 12

Irving Washington - Gone Writing

Verily, 'tis written. Thus, shall the pentance (is that right?) be pronounced: Ginger, the Potentate of Pletheral Punishment hath decreed that thou shalt be confined within an overtight, sky blue outfit, whilst clan members encircle ye, pointeth at thee, and sayeth unto ye, "Look! A Woman! We've never seen one of THOSE beofe!"


Real Cults

Post 13

Vladimir

I think you mean penitence! That's twice now in one forum. Bad lad!

Let's all point at Ginger smiley - smiley


Real Cults

Post 14

Irving Washington - Gone Writing

I'm an English major, it doesn't mean I know how to spell.


Real Cults

Post 15

Irving Washington - Gone Writing

& by "English major" I mean I'm studying the language. I am not in any branch of any country's armed froces, and even if I were, I'd never make it to major. They'd throw me out before I reached P.F.C.


Real Cults

Post 16

Merkin

Pre Filleted Cod?


Real Cults

Post 17

Si

Polite flatulence concealment.


Real Cults

Post 18

Irving Washington - Gone Writing

Please Fill my Cup? Pretty Funky Crap? no, Private First Class would be what PFC stands for.


A Parable

Post 19

Si

Lest ye forget from whence we came, brave knights, a few words of warning.

In a time long past, the hallowed hills and meadows of Kettering (as they once were) knew happiness. Grass was green, skies were blue, fruit was sweet and women were ripe; and the good, simple people of Kettering saw fit to give thanks to Him.

They tilled and fed the earth, fetched water from the clearest brooks and grew Kumquats. They grew Kumquats the like of which have not been seen since, so large, RIPE and fruity were they that any who set eyes upon them could only weep at such glorious perfection and visited were they that slept that night.

A vision. A vision of a barn. A vision of a barn of such majesty that they did weep again. And so, gripped by the awe in which they were bound they did build such a barn in which to store THEIR blessed fruit.

It was a glorious contruction. Proud beams were planted square in Kettering's rightous soil and sturdy walls stood fast against the winds. It was good. And they did fill their barn with Kumquats and they did gather to worship it's granduer - thrice weekly - after Emerdale.

Such a happy place was Kettering.

Alas, no sooner had the winter frosts dusted thier barn with it's silver magic, than did come the Raiders from East Grimstead who covetted the barn and it's fruity contents. Not content with stealth and theft (for the Raiders were a warring people and knew not of agriculture) they did raize the barn and the sweet fruit therein to the ground. And they did break down Kettering's picket fences, and scribble on the bus shelters, and empty everyone's wheely-bins in the street before they left.

When our proud fathers arose, there was much wailing and gnashing of teeth and our proud fathers' daughters were sent out into East Grimstead to make war and to break all their toys.

Hear this, brave Knights: Who's watching your barn?


A Parable

Post 20

Irving Washington - Gone Writing

Oooooo! It makes me so mad I think I'll wail and gnash my teeth! oooOOOOOOoooooOOOOoooOOOOO! aaaAAAAaaaaaAAAAAAaaaiiiiIIIIiiiiIIIiiiii! Gnash!


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