The Limerick game involves each person writing a single line of a limerick, with no person writing consecutive lines (mostly). The individual completing the limerick is responsible for beginning a new limerick. A number of H2G2s resident wits, have been engaged over the last weeks in a near constant exchange of Limerickry. We have gathered here some of the best of these Limericks.

The plethora of contributors will be referenced as soon as I feel insane enough to gather their details together!!The Good Limerick GuideA limerick is formed of five verses rhymed AABBA; strictly speaking, the A-rimed lines should be made of three amphibrachs each, and the B-rimed lines of two anapaests each. Often all the lines are masculine, though, and therefore the ending amphibrachs are lopped to iambs; this, although, greatly spoils the frisky rhythm of this verse. The number of syllables, however, is not as important as the beat pattern:
da DA-da-da DA-da-da DA-(da) (da)

da DA-da-da DA-da-da DA (da) (da)

da DA-da-da DA (da)

da DA-da-da DA (da)
da DA-da-da DA-da-da DA (da) (da)
Meaning that you can leave off the syllables in parentheses, but 1,2 and 5 should match each other, and 3 and 4 should match.

For instance:

There ONCE was a GIRL from nanTUCKet- leaves off the final (da)

A MAIDen whose NAME was feLIcity- uses all of them
It's more important that the STRESSES of the word be on the strong beats than to have exactly the right number of syllables.

Of course, we ignored this completely!!

After pages of ribald confusion

And unfinished rhymes in profusion

We've wiped clean the slate

and bolted the gate

And begged for complete absolution

There once was a loner from Poi

Who jumped from the Old Man of Hoy

As he fell, he cried out

"Just pour me some stout!"

I'll be back once I've rounded this buoy.

A nun took a trip to Havana

Taking with her a cross and a spanner

As she started to work,

She stopped with a jerk

For her cross was in fact a banana

OR
A nun took a trip to Havana

Taking with her a cross and a spanner

She shouted, "Hey you!"

I replied, "How d'you do?",

And we chatted in just such a manner

A bubbly young lass from Witcliff

Was riding along in a chair-lift,

The pulley got stuck

What jolly bad luck

She had to be rescued by airlift

There was a strange woman from Delphi

Her high-fibre diet made her healthy,

She swallowed some gum

Washed down with much Rum

And then swung like a bat from 'er belfry

It strikes me as odd, don't you know,

How these limericks go

We have answers aplenty

For the dames and the gentry

But the techie ones never quite flow.

There was a hitchikker from Dublin

Who craved for a bath that was bubblin'

Since for days and days

He'd created a haze

And the smell had begun to get troublin'

A socialite lass named Tamara

While staying in her villa in Palma

Said "Today's open house."

And for supper, there's grouse!ORShall start with some grouse

For the young lady was quite a charmer

There once was a red-head from Hitchin

Whose anorak was covered with stitchin'

She wore it with pride

Till a flea got inside

Ooh the stitchin' from Hitchin was itchin'!

"Mine's a pint," said the man at the bar

He then gave me the keys to his car,

I passed them to Ron

And then Ron passed them on -

Now they're somewhere in mid-West Qatar

A monk sat on top of a hill

Watching soldiers do militry drill

He prayed for their souls

And passed them some rolls

Thus replenished marched forwards to kill.

To collate all these rhymes would be hell

At the end it would be worth a bell

the wit therein found

is quite profound

If only we knew how to spell!

There once was a lad from Rottnest

Who had something to get off his chest,

By now it was sticky

It's removal quite tricky,

New Persil would probably work best.

There once was a black hole called steve

Whose grav'ty you would not believe

He sucked in a star

Which was too big by far!

His pudding, he'll just have to leaveORThe gasses no pill could relieve

Now they say that some gangters are scary,

But none are so bad as Jim Carrey,

His Hollywood crew

Are fraught through and through

With fear that he'll wack Halle Berry

Once, on the way to the moon

An astronaut saw a racoon

Its tail had stripes

On his feet were Nikes,

But he still couldn't beat the baboon....

A rhyme in time saves nine

And flourishes just fine

But leave it to fester

And turn to a jester

But you never can get a last line

There once was a lad from Lahore

Whose life was really a bore

His mind apathetic

and spelling dyslexic

And drool dribbled down from his jaw

An addled old lady from Harrow

Was out wheeling her barrow

The barrow was full

Forcing her to pull

Those gigantic prize-winnning marrows

A magician took off his top hat

From which, he pulled out a rat

He'd expected a rabbit,

Purely from habit

Not a rat from a hat, just like that!

A gentleman wearing a Fez

Came a-wandering into my chez,

He was from afar

And he wore a gold bra

And wonderfully smooth, shaved legs

A raggety man from Quebec

Brain dead up from the neck

Took a trip to the States

A place he really hates

To see how much he could wreck.

A confused battery hen

Was startled suddenly when

Her eggs fell down

'n they weren't brown

But they still had a reek of pigpen.

A fool sat on top of his hill

His foot would not stay still

And his arms would wave

Scaring dear old Dave

And whispering to Bill.

Doctor Foster went to Gloucester

His aim, to accost 'er

He slipped on a banana

And lost his bandana

which stuffed up his roster

One man went to mow the meadow

He'd been sent a memo

RE: The growth of the grass

Text: Get off your arse!

Now, imediately, go, go, go

Why does my head hurt?

Coz of the rhymes you spurt?

They're insatiably rude

Some unspeakably crude

Though the smut in them's not quite overt.

A perennial shrub in Hyde Park

Amazingly, was afraid of the dark

It shivered with fright

As it waited for night

And hoping that dawn would spark

A teakettle fell with a thud

Cos its pride had been nipped in the bud

It was taken aback

When the pot called it black

So it sobbed as it lay in the mud

A fellow from south of Bombay

Lay down for a nap in the hay

He dreamt of a girl

An Aussie called Shirl,

He'd heard that she was a great lay

There are times when a man likes to write,

And times when a man likes to fight

But both writing and fighting

Are not as inviting

As a much needed whopping great shite

Do I now need to tone down my posts?

I don't want to offend all our hosts

Ask your new missus

Who, in between kisses

Will be cooking you roasts

A tricky dilemma has brewed

Over if we're allowed to be crude

Was there a doubt

Nah, let it flow out,

but don't let it be misconstrued!

'Tis custom to start a new rhyme,

Once you've supplied the last line

As others join in,

They compound the sin

And oft' the rhyme gets left behind!

'Tis custom to start a new rhyme,

Once you've supplied the last line

If your powder is dry

And your nose starts to fry

Worry not. It'll come good in time.

There was an old Jedi called Yoda,

Who ordered a pink cherry soda

He turned to Han Solo

Gave him a low blow

And jumped in his Pod-racing Skoda

"How say you?" the judge interjected

The plaintiff, he looked quite dejected

But Your Honour, I'm broke!

So I -must- sue this bloke

For you see I'm severely infected!

OR
"How say you?" the judge interjected

The plaintiff, he looked quite dejected

I did him in

(he attempted a grin)

But I'm quite sure he never objected.

I enjoy my ice cream while stark naked,

As an "Alaska", I sometimes bake it

But I'm always quite careful,

it's occassionly awful

Oh! The pain is too much to be fak-ed.

I once saw a man playing cards

In a mirror all made up of shards

Dealt aces and eights

then with poker face,

Cut the deck (into pieces) "Regards!"

The French are a curious race

Though the food, 'tis ace

War heroes are nil

gone bonkers from pills,

But I love how they get to 3rd base!

While dealing with personal issues

I suddenly ran out of tissues

I ran to the store

And quickly bought more

But my nose is bright red from abuse!

In the gymnastics team

They play on the balancing beam

Going one up and down

caused a serious frownORSometimes they frown

When their Lycra develops a sheen

A naughty young barmaid from Cuba

Whilst trying to learn to play tuba,

With her fist in the horn

And expression forlorn,

Got her hand stuck - now who's got the luber?

A nubile young schoolgirl called Sherry

Determined that she'd lose her cherry,ORMet up with some friends to make merry

She hitched up her skirt,

and started to squirt

her juices al over the vicar!

I once met a butch girl from Tallagh,

In fact, quite alot like a fella

Her chin was unshaven

As black as a raven

with her tits out, that's how I could tell ya!

I once was pushed quite unfairly,

not able to walk again squarely

My limbs had gone skew

I decided to sue

Cos now I'm performing quite rarely.

A young lady from Liverpool Dock

Had paint drippings all 'round her smock.

A prolific artist,

She wasn't the smartest

When it came to de-staining her frock.