'Natural Speak' Programs
Created | Updated Mar 14, 2002
A Natural Speak Program is a device that hooks up to Earth computers and lets you talk into it. Then it supposedly writes down what you are saying on the computer screen. In theory, fine. But when tested, it, to put it bluntly, doesn't work. Well, it might work for most of the nerds who buy it who either a) spend all day on the computer and have destroyed their hands and so are forced and so must be patient. or b)they are really really really stubborn. Now the problem with this is a) your voice gets worn out. b) for most of the programs you have to speak fairly in a monotone, no matter how much the advertising denies that. c) you have to read for a couple hours, out loud, so the zarking thing can get 'used to your voice'. However, if you are sitting in a crowded office with this microphone on your head reading 'Dave Barry's Greatist Hits' for a few hours, the program quickly loses it's glamour as all your co-workers think you are insane. Furthurmore, with most programs, the words you end up saying most often are, "Delete previous sentence. Delete previous word. Delete previous paragraph." I mean, if you try to say "The brown fox jumped over the strag" in 5 seconds or less, even enunciating and articulating clearly, the result will most likely look like this: "Downtown locks humped nowhere the bags". And this can be particularily troublesome if you are using this system to write a last-minute email to your boss and you REALLY can't afford to miss the bus and it comes in 5 minutes and you don't bother to proofread it because, hey, you payed so much money for the zarking thing it MUST work properly, right? Wrong. What if you wrote: " Dear Mr. Robertson. I am writing to say I will be able to put in a few more hours work on Thursday to make up for my long lunchbreak last week" it could very well turn out like this: "Beerkisser Robertson, I am happy to say pies killed in vehicles turn to pudding and flowers, jerk. On thursday, two bakers, four pies lounged and begged for heat." Mr. Robertson would
probably fire you for drinking on the job. So, take the lazy, less-work way out - TYPE!!!!
probably fire you for drinking on the job. So, take the lazy, less-work way out - TYPE!!!!
