A Conversation for William Dampier: Pirate, Explorer and Naturalist

Peer Review: A14504744 - William Dampier: Pirate, Explorer and Naturalist

Post 1

steve-paul ---- no lyrics!!<wah>

Entry: William Dampier: Pirate, Explorer and Naturalist - A14504744
Author: steve-paul1990----GoA, tGL, (U)R - U4995751

Quite an interesting bloke really.
smiley - runsmiley - winkeye


A14504744 - William Dampier: Pirate, Explorer and Naturalist

Post 2

laconian

Great entry you've got there. Very interesting and well written. I'm a little strapped for time but this afternoon I'll read over it in more detail smiley - smiley.


A14504744 - William Dampier: Pirate, Explorer and Naturalist

Post 3

McKay The Disorganised

Yes, interesting bloke.

There's a typo here "However, after about six months, the Roebuck landed at Dirk Hartog Island, off the west coast of Australia. Dampier named the bay behind the Shark Bay; because of the large numbers of sharks he saw swimming there." The bay behind the what ?

There was also a spurious 'e' at the start of one of the paragraphs.

I'd heard of Selkirk, but never of Dampier, so thanks for that.

smiley - cider


A14504744 - William Dampier: Pirate, Explorer and Naturalist

Post 4

Fizzymouse- no place like home

I enjoyed this a lot, I'm not very good at spotting stuff, but this is what I did noticesmiley - ok

e British Admiralty = The British Admiralty

and put in a Brazilian jail, = and put him in ....


French ship and receiving a ransom = and of recieving a ransom ....

Meanwhile the St. George arrived back in England, the financiers of the expedition and began to investigate what had happened. = not sure what's wrong with this sentence but it doesn't read ? missing words.


smiley - mouse



A14504744 - William Dampier: Pirate, Explorer and Naturalist

Post 5

Woolly Mammoth

Really enjoyed this entry smiley - biggrin. It's well written, on an interesting topic, and well researched. I hadn't heard about him, but it seems like he had really interesting life.

In 'travels around Australia' fifth paragraph I think you've missed off 'Th' of The.


A14504744 - William Dampier: Pirate, Explorer and Naturalist

Post 6

steve-paul ---- no lyrics!!<wah>

thanks everyonesmiley - cheers
i think i've got everything donesmiley - biggrin
anything else?

SPsmiley - winkeye


A14504744 - William Dampier: Pirate, Explorer and Naturalist

Post 7

Woolly Mammoth

*Thinks*

Well I like it as it is. But what about including some soucres? Books you could read about him, or links to other websites with more information?


A14504744 - William Dampier: Pirate, Explorer and Naturalist

Post 8

steve-paul ---- no lyrics!!<wah>

i've added a 'Further reading' bit at the bottom, it has links to free e-books of his works.smiley - biggrin

should i add these:smiley - erm
http://www.maryrose.org/archservice/projects3.htm
http://www.adb.online.anu.edu.au/biogs/A010265b.htm

SPsmiley - winkeye


A14504744 - William Dampier: Pirate, Explorer and Naturalist

Post 9

laconian

Yes, why not add them. They're interesting links and could be useful should someone want to go a bit deeper.

There's not much I have to say, really. Some punctuation and grammar is a little hazy, but the subs can deal with that. For example:

"It seems he was equally as willing to sail as a king's officer or as a privateer, instead of yearning for gold or loot, Dampier was simply curious about the world he lived in, he wanted to see new places, animals and plants."
This seems to be two sentences. I presume there should be a full stop before 'Dampier'.

Another here:
"In 1678 Dampier visited England again and got married to Judith, little is actually known about her but it is pretty certain they had no children."
The comma between Judith and little is generally considered bad practice. It's what's known as a 'comma splice': using a comma where some other punctuation mark, like a semicolon or full stop, should go. Also, do we know Judith's second name. If not, it might look better as "and got married to a woman called Judith"... and then explain that there is little known about her.


A14504744 - William Dampier: Pirate, Explorer and Naturalist

Post 10

steve-paul ---- no lyrics!!<wah>

thankssmiley - ok i hope those bits make more sense now.smiley - biggrin


A14504744 - William Dampier: Pirate, Explorer and Naturalist

Post 11

steve-paul ---- no lyrics!!<wah>

I have made a few more grammatical changes - hopefully it's easier to read now.smiley - ok
thanks everyone againsmiley - cheers if there's anything else please saysmiley - biggrin

SPsmiley - winkeye


A14504744 - William Dampier: Pirate, Explorer and Naturalist

Post 12

laconian

A really tiny nit-picky point, but:

"This voyage became Dampier’s third circumnavigation and was very profitable, amassing £200 000" --> £200,000

I don't suppose it's known what the chap died of?


A14504744 - William Dampier: Pirate, Explorer and Naturalist

Post 13

steve-paul ---- no lyrics!!<wah>

thankssmiley - cheers

unfortunately it isn't known what he died of - he died in London but i couldn't find out where he was buried.

SPsmiley - winkeye


A14504744 - William Dampier: Pirate, Explorer and Naturalist

Post 14

steve-paul ---- no lyrics!!<wah>

anything else?smiley - erm


A14504744 - William Dampier: Pirate, Explorer and Naturalist

Post 15

laconian

Just one little thing:

"After a while they canoed to Sumatra, BUT despite succeeding, they nearly died from the voyage as they had travelled through a hurricane."

This needs rewording, or at least changing the 'but'. I would suggest something like: 'They succeeded in canoeing to Sumatra, but nearly died from the voyage as they had travelled through a hurricane.' But do what you think is best. No doubt you can think of a better way of saying it than me smiley - smiley.


A14504744 - William Dampier: Pirate, Explorer and Naturalist

Post 16

steve-paul ---- no lyrics!!<wah>

smiley - cheersi don't know whether it's bettersmiley - erm, but i have combined that and the next paragraph together.

SPsmiley - winkeye


A14504744 - William Dampier: Pirate, Explorer and Naturalist

Post 17

laconian

"After a while they decided to try and canoe to Sumatra, despite travelling through a hurricane, and losing a few members of the party (Dampier himself nearly died), they did mangage to reach it."

Great, except for the the comma between 'Sumatra' and 'despite'. Again, that would be better as a semicolon or full stop, in my opinion. But feel free to ignore - the whole comma thing is one grammatical habit that I have a kind of personal crusade against smiley - smiley.


A14504744 - William Dampier: Pirate, Explorer and Naturalist

Post 18

steve-paul ---- no lyrics!!<wah>

ok, i've gone for the semicolon. sorry about the commas - i kind of go mad with them!smiley - winkeye


A14504744 - William Dampier: Pirate, Explorer and Naturalist

Post 19

laconian

I go a bit mad trying to get rid of them smiley - biggrin. It might well be that someone who properly knows their stuff about grammar will come along and offer up a better alternative. But to me, this entry looks really, really good now.


A14504744 - William Dampier: Pirate, Explorer and Naturalist

Post 20

steve-paul ---- no lyrics!!<wah>

thankssmiley - cheers


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