A Conversation for Portchester Castle, Hampshire, England, UK.
A13776771 - Portchester Castle
Leo Posted Aug 24, 2006
Looks incredibly better.
For ease of loading:
ntry: Portchester Castle - A13776771
Author: bobstafford - U3151547
A13776771 - Portchester Castle
bobstafford Posted Aug 24, 2006
Hi
That thanks to your pointers whats next....
bs
A13776771 - Portchester Castle
Gnomon - time to move on Posted Aug 24, 2006
the Northern end of Portsmouth --> the northern end of Portsmouth
and, one corner bastion -- remove the comma
AD 285 - 290 --> 285 - 290 AD (sorry, that's the h2g2 standard)
north south axis- it is about -- add a space between axis and the dash
priory chapel (Now --> priory chapel (now
The priory which was built -- add a comma after priory
In the 5th Century When the Romans withdrew England the Anglo-Saxon’s occupied the fort. The island fell victim to invasions of Angles, Saxons and Jutes from Northern Europe, the castle became a part of the defensive system of Wessex.
-->
In the 5th Century when the Romans withdrew from Britain, the island fell victim to invasions of Angles, Saxons and Jutes from Northern Europe. These Anglo-Saxons, as they came to be known, made the castle a part of their defensive system of Wessex.
The paragraph which starts "It is a loose connection" is badly worded and I really don't understand it so I can't reword it for you.
the additions were began --> the additions were begun
First the Norman Keep started by William Maudit in 1086, it is built -- another fragment, as there is no verb.
-->
First came the Norman keep, started by William Maudit in 1086. It is built (that's 4 changes)
4 meters above ground level --> 4 metres above ground level
to protect the door it the keep was attacked-->
to protect the door if the keep was attacked
there are 2 original --> there are two original
on the main floor. And a beautiful --> on the main floor and a beautiful
staircase.). -- remove the full stop before the bracket. Leave the other one
to much for the foundations-->
too much for the foundations
north wall of the Keep -- use small k for keep
the Inner Bailey -- use lowercase
"a constables house" -- use single quotes rather than double (that's the h2g2 standard) and an apostrophe before the s, so it should be:
'a constable's house'
And a full range -- lowercase on and
Ashton’s tower the bailey moat and the exterior moat and ditch. -- there's no verb in this and I don't know what you intended by it.
First was Henry II who stayed. -- this suggests he never went away. Do you mean he stayed in the castle on one occasion, on a few occasions or regularly? Possibly he stayed at least once.
I'll try and read the rest tomorrow. Don't be put off by the number of changes. This should have an easy passage through Peer REview once all these little things have been sorted out.
G
A13776771 - Portchester Castle
bobstafford Posted Aug 24, 2006
Hi
Thanks done changed and re worded hopt that is hat you ment...
bs
A13776771 - Portchester Castle
bunnyfrog will never die Posted Aug 26, 2006
This is far more lovely on the eye then when I last read it. I blame Gnomons bad influence for this
To me though this paragraph:
Today it is an almost complete Roman fort. Almost all of the walls are intact apart from the loss of six of its original 'D' shaped bastions. The keep in the north west corner has taken some of the wall and, one corner bastion from the northern side. Also missing are two bastions from the western side, and two bastions from the eastern seaward side, and lastly the bastion on the south west corner is missing. It has however been stripped of some of the more useful limestone.
...is a little convoluted. You want I should make amendments or shall I let your fine self Bob?
A13776771 - Portchester Castle
bobstafford Posted Aug 26, 2006
Hi bunnyfrog
Please feel free to have a go second opinion is always helpful
bs
A13776771 - Portchester Castle
Gnomon - time to move on Posted Aug 26, 2006
'a constable's house' -- move the first quote to just before constable. It should look like this:
a 'constable's house'
First was Henry II who stayed on a few occasions and in 1163, he started to use the Keep as a treasury -- this would be better as two sentences:
First was Henry II who stayed on a few occasions. In 1163, he started to use the Keep as a treasury.
a impressive castle --> an impressive castle
the Bishop of Evreux. Who came to intercede -->
the Bishop of Evreux, who came to intercede
After the murder of Thomas à Becket, Henry II met with the Papal Legates to announce he was innocent. -- did this happen at Portchester? If so, you should say so. If not, leave that whole sentence out.
After his peace with France Richard II , Made Portchester a palace.-->
After his peace with France, Richard II made Portchester into a palace.
came to the throne King John -- add a comma after throne
between 1207 and 1214, Portchester was near -- change the comma to a full stop
In May 21st 1215, a French army -->
On 21 May, 1215, a French army -- please note the format of the date with a comma after the month. This is h2g2 standard and must be adhered to.
a French army landed at Stanhope and landed at Sandwich -- which did they land at? Or did they land at both?
One of the castles the French captured in 1215, was Portchester -- remove the comma
Henry III visited. And later Edward III used it as his headquarters -->
Henry III is known to have visited Portchester, and later Edward III used it as his headquarters
some 9 meters above the wall -->
some 9 metres above the wall (British English spelling)
Ashton's Tower, this tower was an improvement-->
The tower known as Ashton's Tower was an improvement
on the walls), waste went outside -- change the comma to a semicolon
About 1500, a walk way --> In about 1500, a walk way
was built this also had positions -- add a comma after built
The building's of the bailey -- remove the apostrophe. You don't use an apostrophe to indicate more than one of something.
and became by the 15th century, very luxurious by the standards of the time -- this sounds a bit clumsy. I suggest you reword it as:
and by the 15th century had become very luxurious by the standards of the time
of the time, the inner gatehouse -- make this two sentences:
of the time. The inner gatehouse
drawer bridge --> drawbridge
were also extended, the last work was recorded in about 1638 -->
were also extended, the last work being recorded in about 1638
G
A13776771 - Portchester Castle
Gnomon - time to move on Posted Aug 26, 2006
drawrbridge --> drawbridge
And it is from this period that the castle started its decline -->
It is from this period that the castle started its decline
other instillations --> other installations
the Tudor’s --> the Tudors
its military instillations --> its military installations
sea victories, these men -- change the comma to a semicolon
were put to work the mast pond -- put a colon after work
And in Napoleonic wars --> During the Napoleonic wars
Old Mill Prison Plymouth, were full about five - move the comma from where it is to just after full
Peterborough. And numerous prison hulks -->
Peterborough, and numerous prison hulks
Forton prison near Gosport -- add a full stop
named after the castle she was -- add a semicolon after castle
Launched June 1943, and was in service -->
Launched June 1943, she was in service
until May 1958, -- change final comma to full stop
free to enter there is only a charge -->
free to enter. There is only a charge
You can climb to the top of the tower the view is fantastic -- this is two sentences:
You can climb to the top of the tower. The view is fantastic
wonderful place for a picnic sheltered from the wind children will love it, mind the moat it is not deep but muddy. -- this is three separate sentences:
wonderful place for a picnic, sheltered from the wind. Children will love it. Mind the moat, it is not deep but muddy.
a road to the left Waterside Lane, this will give you -->
a road to the left, Waterside Lane. This will give you
on the northern side, have the camera ready.-->
on the northern side. Have the camera ready.
for sponsored events historical events -- which is it? or is it both?
also make use of the castle the UK Channel 4 -- add a semicolon after castle
Footnote Number 1 is going to need some work, but I'll leave that for another day.
G
A13776771 - Portchester Castle
bobstafford Posted Aug 26, 2006
Thanks all done hear from you soon.
bs
A13776771 - Portchester Castle
Gnomon - time to move on Posted Aug 27, 2006
The others are noted in a document of the Roman imperial archives: Notitia Dignitatum. They are as follows: Portus Adurni - Portchester Castle; Anderida – Pevensey; Portus Lemanis – Lympne; Dubris – Dover; Rutupiae – Richborough; Regulbium – Reculver; Othona – Bradwell-on-Sea; Gariannonum – Burgh Castle; Branodunum – Brancaster. Walton fort, off Felixstowe, is often omitted from lists as it disappeared into the sea some time after 1600. Roman referances give the size as 100 metres square, with walls of similar dimensions to those of Portchester.
Probably best if you just cut and paste that into the entry.
A13776771 - Portchester Castle
bobstafford Posted Aug 27, 2006
Hi Gnomon
All done and ammended, thanks.
bs
A13776771 - Portchester Castle
Gnomon - time to move on Posted Aug 27, 2006
Something's gone wrong here:
"The size of the castle is 200 metres square, and the walls are metres square."
A13776771 - Portchester Castle
bobstafford Posted Aug 27, 2006
Hi a chunk got deleted in error sorted now thanks.
bs
A13776771 - Portchester Castle
Gnomon - time to move on Posted Aug 28, 2006
This is very nearly ready for Peer Review, in my opinion.
I think it needs a footnote explaining what a bastion is, the first time you use the word.
Saxon Shore Forts -- the full stop should be after the footnote rather than before it, so you should have
Saxon Short Forts
and later on:
..
You need to sort out your REFERENCES section:
In the REFERENCE section, links to external sites should be like this:
Text to appear in margin
Links to h2g2 sites should be:
The REFERENCES section should come _after_ the
G
A13776771 - Portchester Castle
Gnomon - time to move on Posted Aug 28, 2006
The first footnote should not have and around it.
A13776771 - Portchester Castle
bobstafford Posted Aug 28, 2006
Hi I think I have done it please comment..
Thanks for all your help.
bs
A13776771 - Portchester Castle
Gnomon - time to move on Posted Aug 28, 2006
Move the line to just before the line.
I think this is good enough now that you could put it into Peer Review.
A13776771 - Portchester Castle
bobstafford Posted Aug 28, 2006
Hi all done, just remind me how to PR the entry please..
bs
Key: Complain about this post
A13776771 - Portchester Castle
- 41: Leo (Aug 24, 2006)
- 42: bobstafford (Aug 24, 2006)
- 43: Gnomon - time to move on (Aug 24, 2006)
- 44: Gnomon - time to move on (Aug 24, 2006)
- 45: bobstafford (Aug 24, 2006)
- 46: bunnyfrog will never die (Aug 26, 2006)
- 47: bobstafford (Aug 26, 2006)
- 48: Gnomon - time to move on (Aug 26, 2006)
- 49: bobstafford (Aug 26, 2006)
- 50: Gnomon - time to move on (Aug 26, 2006)
- 51: bobstafford (Aug 26, 2006)
- 52: Gnomon - time to move on (Aug 27, 2006)
- 53: bobstafford (Aug 27, 2006)
- 54: Gnomon - time to move on (Aug 27, 2006)
- 55: bobstafford (Aug 27, 2006)
- 56: Gnomon - time to move on (Aug 28, 2006)
- 57: Gnomon - time to move on (Aug 28, 2006)
- 58: bobstafford (Aug 28, 2006)
- 59: Gnomon - time to move on (Aug 28, 2006)
- 60: bobstafford (Aug 28, 2006)
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