h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: Christopher Columbus - Explorer - Part One - A1308368
Author: Jodan - The Royal H2G2 Historians Society - A1310149 - U201497

Hi all This is part one of a three part project on Christopher Columbus.

Part Two - A1324676
Part Three - A1324685

These are almost all proofread, but I couldn't give a thorough read-through because of all these annoying server glitches. I would have put it in PR tommorow, but I wanted to put it in today - today's Columbus day

Anyway, I don't really want every little bit about Columbus in these. I hesitate to adding to an already long project...

Hi, Jodan. Sorry I didn't get around to reading these yet. I'll try and have a look at them over lunch hour and post some comments later on.

The entry is good. I think you should write a paragraph about the Line of Demarcation. You mention it in passing, but it is important to the story and readers may not know about it.

Some of the sentences are ambiguous or don't flow well. I hope you don't mind me rewriting them:

Suzanna -- According to Encyclopaedia Britannica, her name was Susanna but that might be just a translation.

Ptoloemy --> Ptolemy

voyages around the world --> voyages throughout the known world

but it is not quite known --> but this is not known for sure

At one point, he is supposed to have fought in a bloody battle, in which the ship he was in charge of set fire to a Venetian vessel, risking the ship exploding. Columbus jumped overboard and landed on the shore near Lisbon, Portugal, sometime in the early 1470s.
-->
Sometime in the early 1470s, he is supposed to have fought in a bloody battle, in which the ship he was in charge of set fire to a Venetian vessel, risking the ship exploding. Columbus jumped overboard and landed on the shore near Lisbon, Portugal.

In that city, he married the daughter of a Portuguese sea captain named Doña Felipa Moniz, also known as Philippa or Doña Felipa Perestrella in 1475. Marrying a Portuguese sea captain's daughter gave him access to
-->
In that city, in 1475, he married Doña Felipa Moniz, also known as Philippa or Doña Felipa Perestrella, the daughter of a Portuguese sea captain. This gave him access to

precendent --> precedent

drawing (which, by today's standards are very inaccurate) maps --> drawing maps (which are very inaccurate by today's standards)

so he did not suppose that the voyage would be impossible --> so Columbus concluded that the voyage would be possible

and he looked at the adverse reports of those who had rejected him, he quickly did the same.
-->
and when he looked at the adverse reports of those who had rejected Columbus, the king quickly did the same.

in 1488 accompanied --> in 1488, accompanied

Now and the court was not so distracted, as it had been for centuries, and Columbus was called before Queen Isabella of Spain.
-->
Now that the court was not so distracted, as it had been for centuries, Columbus was called before Queen Isabella of Spain.

Gallega was --> Gallega, was

although there was no mutiny aboard the ships, though there was certainly a great deal of dissatisfaction and impatience
-->
although there was no mutiny aboard the ships, there was certainly a great deal of dissatisfaction and impatience

where Santa Maria sunk --> where Santa Maria sank

Nadidad --> Navidad

looked onto the Europeans --> looked on the Europeans

Thanks Gnomon. I don't mind you rewriting them at all - it creates less work for a sub editor, and if it appears on the front page, you There're all very sensible and help the flow.

As for Suzanna - Susanna, which do you prefer? I used the English translation for Columbus's name, but I left the rest of them untouched, I think, in the Spanish version.

Other than that, they're all changed

Naked

I am impressed!

I've only had time to read Part 1 so far, but it's certainly an authoritative work. It's really nicely paragraphed for easy reading as well - makes you want to read the next one.

I'm going to suggest that you change the first sentence. For such a well-researched piece, it lets the article down by beginning with and uncertain "probably", but this "probably" can't be helped.

"Christopher Columbus was probably born in Genoa, a northern Italian republic, around 1436. It is currently not certain specifically where he was born, or even if he was of Italian descent, but most historians agree that he was born in Genoa."

changed to something like

"Christopher Columbus was probably born in northern Italy, around 1436. Experts are unsure of his exact birthplace, or even of his Italian descent, but most historians agree that he was born in the republic of Genoa."

I'm not sure, but I think it flows a little better. Play around with it.

The only other thing I noticed was that during the first few paragraphs, you sometimes switched between referring to him as "Christopher" and calling him as "Columbus". Later on, you refer to him solely as "Columbus" (I think!). Perhaps it'd read better if you used Columbus all the way through?

Other than that, I thought it was cracking. I'll try and read the rest in the next few days, work permitting!

Judge

I'll rephrase the opening sentence.

I usually refer to him as Christopher when it's in the proximity of a mention of his family or his brother, because using his last name would be unclear

Naked

Congratulations, Jodan!

Rho

Thanks Rho I expected this to go in as a project, but 'tis okay.

I think - assuming that the other entries are all picked - that they'll all appear on the frontpage together.

Rho

Don't jinx it